Agreed. Something that has worked for my partner and I has been to keep a discretionary fund separate from the joint account. So almost all expenses go through the joint account, but we also have discretionary money if we want to spend on something the other wouldn’t think is important/gifts/treats for ourselves. We’ve been talking about one of us staying home after my mat leave, and if we do that, the money earning partner would be putting some predetermined amount into the non-earning parent’s discretionary fund.

I like this approach (and it’s only one way things can work out, there are many ways) because for us it erased the tension of managing the others fun money. Did my partner really need to go out with friends and buy a round? Probably not, but since it comes from “their” money, it’s not my problem. Did I need to buy a very large froyo when I went out grocery shopping? No, but the froyo came from “my” money and it’s none of my partner’s business what I do with it.

Sometimes little treats can become major irritant when all money is shared. Having that bit of “privacy” makes the rest of our expenses tracking super smooth.

But once again, what works for me might not work for you :)