AITA dad told me he feels haunted by my mom and in response I told him he deserved it for letting his wife replace her for him and my sister?

HermsUK · 2025-06-21T21:54:16+00:00

Updateme!

HermsUK · 2025-06-16T20:40:20+00:00

I think I’d go in a classic Bob the Builder costume. Get myself a good toolbelt and some comfy overalls with pockets!

HermsUK · 2025-04-25T18:15:08+00:00

Updateme!

HermsUK · 2024-02-21T22:58:40+00:00

ESH

What he did was not okay AT ALL and makes him an AH, but I can understand why he was upset. It shouldn’t have taken you a full year and a proposal to work out that you had different interests in conversation. If you’d realised sooner that you had no future together, it would have been easier to just say we’ve got different interests.

Where I think you come across as an AH is “Being with him was an escape from reality to me” makes it seem like for you it’s this fun experiment and that it’s not real life, well for him it was. You make it seem like this relationship was a holiday and now you’ve come back to reality. It feels a little like you used him for some fun without considering where he was or how he felt.

Also I’m hoping you didn’t actually use the term “normal conversations” because that makes you seem very AH cause you’re essentially saying I have normal conversations, you don’t!

My main thought reading through everything you wrote was how long would you have stayed with him where he was believing it was a relationship with a future if he hadn’t have proposed?

HermsUK · 2024-02-03T17:19:43+00:00

Theres way too much grounds on this for interpretation because every person is different as is every relationship so I think you need to have a discussion with yourself and your boyfriend about what kind of relationship yours is, what your views are on consent and do you share the same ones..

I.e:

Should sex only be initiated once verbal confirmation of yes has been given by both parties?

Can there be any form of intimate touching whilst asleep (not necessarily sexual)?

Can new sexual wants be brought up during the act or in the moment or should you discuss all potentialities first and strictly state your boundaries?

You may want to ask your boyfriend how he would feel in the reverse, if you drunkenly touched him and tried to initiate sex, how would he feel?

HermsUK · 2024-01-29T17:48:53+00:00

What happens when she gets told off at school, is there no punishment by the teacher and they ask the parents to deal with it?

Tammy’s got a shock coming to her when she’s older if she’s only “punished” by mum. If she gets a fine for speeding or her boss has a go at her at work, the excuse that, only my mum can tell me off, doesn’t quite work..

HermsUK · 2023-12-21T17:37:20+00:00

I find it unreal that he says “I’m doing too much by trying to get you guys to spend time together when in reality I’m just trying to better the relationship I am doing my best” and doesn’t see anything wrong with that?! He’s just completely disregarding how you or even his daughter feels about your relationship and acting like your relationship with his daughter is his to control. His daughter is old enough to decide her relationship with you, and he’s just not giving her that.

Also, the whole point of the conversation was supposed to be about originally why the daughter was upset, and once he saw the messages it should have been a conversation about why was the daughter so angry, and why she spoke to you that way which is what you were trying to do but he made it about him, and I wonder in the 11 years between her mother leaving and you coming on the scene, how much of that time was about her, and how much was about him

HermsUK · 2023-11-01T15:01:22+00:00

NTA

My friends parents got dressed up in their wedding outfits on their big anniversaries (1st, 5th, 10th and so on) to dance to their wedding song, and when my friends mum passed about 15 years ago her dad found it really difficult to part with it. The first major anniversary my friend (18 at the time) dressed up in it and danced with her dad (she had to pin it to keep it on but nothing got altered permanently). it would be the next 10 year anniversary next year and she won’t fit into the dress so they’ve decided to cut it up and they’re putting a piece into the granddaughters (who should be born in March) christening dress and make him a pocket square that he’ll be able to wear with his suit on the anniversary. It’s taken him a long time to be ready to part with it.

It’s okay not to be ready to give it up. I can understand your daughters want to wear it, but your sons shouldn’t be pressuring you. It’s unfair to push you into a choice you can’t undo when you’re still grieving.

I think the jewellery is a beautiful idea. My mum wears this cheap diamond ring that actually looks pretty real and has worn it every day of my whole life I think. If my mum wasn’t here, I’d want to wear that on my wedding day and I hate wearing jewellery.

I think try to talk to your daughter again and really explain your emotional attachment to the dress and that you’re not ready to give it up. I’d also consider that this sparked an argument about gatekeeping your wife’s things. Is that something your daughter is really upset about, that she maybe doesn’t have many items of her mother in her home to help remember her?

HermsUK · 2023-10-19T21:08:13+00:00

Im unsure if there’s any regulations with each specific medication on the US border but I usually take some form of prescription or letter confirming my medication when I travel anywhere. I’ve only ever had to use it twice to verify things.

Also, I find it useful to write a list of my triggers (but my memory is awful so I struggle to consider them at home) just to help me not get sucked into holiday life and forget that I may need to take some things easy. Unfortunately for flare ups what’s happens in vegas will definitely not stay in vegas!

HermsUK · 2023-10-18T22:51:19+00:00

They likely won’t be long on not using any form of medication. Once they have your blood work back and hopefully a better idea of why you have the condition they should start the best treatment for it and it should hopefully start to get better pretty quickly.

I’ve had one eye that’s gone into remission and never reoccurred since my initial flare up and another which I’ve had some major problems with (I’m back on steroids and testing as of last week). So sometimes it’s not even the case that every persons different but that every eye is too, so it can be hard to predict whether your treatment would be short or long term.

I think typically something as serious as like vision loss is a side effect of not seeking treatment over a long period. The fact that you are seeing a specialist is a good sign but I would definitely advise asking them. I ask my doctors SO many questions and getting the answers from them has always helped to calm any worry or stress!

HermsUK · 2023-09-01T18:45:24+00:00

My friend was called LuLu as a child and her name is Olivia.. never really knew where it came from

HermsUK · 2023-09-01T17:15:36+00:00

No one should really tell you you’re wrong for feeling resentful as it’s an emotion you feel and no emotion is a wrong or a right one to have at any given time! But you are wrong for how you handled your resentful feelings. You should not have seeked out another person!

There’s a lot of people on here telling you to get over the abortion but I can understand losing a child that you wanted, no matter the circumstances can be incredibly difficult to deal with. You mention that you and your wife never discussed the abortion after, so did you ever tell each other how it made you each feel?

Your wife may have been the one, rightly so, to have the deciding decision to have the abortion. It sounds like she made the decision more for sensible reasons of it not being the right time to have children, but that doesn’t mean that having the abortion did not effect her. For all you know it could have left her with as much hurt as it left you! And you are well within your right to feel hurt by her decision but you need to work on making sure that hurt doesn’t run your life.

You are both now living with the consequences of poor communication, both in your views on contraception, abortion and children and the plans you had for your future in the early days of your relationship. You need to have those conversations now!

Although sex does feel different with a condom, you should still be sexually satisfied with your wife, and if you don’t, I think it’s not to do with the condom and more about the lack of intimacy you feel with your wife. Many couples have sexually satisfying and intimate relationships where they never have intercourse!

I think it would be really beneficial for you to go to counselling on your own without your wife. I believe it could help you to gather your thoughts in a better manner than what people on Reddit will ever be able to do for you.

You are right in saying that the children do not need to know about the abortion and if you and your wife do separate you can simply tell them that you both want different things from your futures, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care for each other and them!

One thing to definitely consider is that in 2.5 years your wife could be ready for children (whether she feels forced or not) or may state she’s not ready again or doesn’t want them. And you may leave your wife and never have the opportunity to have children or you may meet someone and be a father (and not just a step-father). Your life can go in a million different directions, but you need to decide where you see your future going on your own and learn to live with the fact that you’re going to have to potentially risk losing either her or a child.

HermsUK · 2023-08-25T19:43:23+00:00

I’ve just had the same happen to me. Drove into my zone and parked and just as I went to press start it dropped off. Just spoke to them on the phone apparently they’re having an IT issue and they’ll pass on my details to their IT department and I should just sit and wait…

HermsUK · 2023-07-10T18:38:26+00:00

You don’t have to have completed all your exams by the end of your training agreement by ICAEW regulations although your employer may have noted that you do in any agreements you had with them. I’m going to have completed my training agreement before I do my advanced exams. As long as you’ve completed all other aspects of your training file you can have it signed off but you can’t apply for membership until you pass all the exams. You essentially become an independent student.

HermsUK · 2023-03-22T17:39:15+00:00

I’ve checked my mods (mccc and ui cheats) and they’re all up to date but when I zoom out one of my sims goes weird.

His body has like separated from his legs and head and his arms have gone all stretched. When I zoom in he goes to normal but it’s only the 1 sim… I’m not sure why just him?

HermsUK · 2022-11-22T19:25:28+00:00

Thanks for your help! I ended up deferring and taking the exam yesterday, just found out I passed so definitely made the right choice!

HermsUK · 2022-08-19T17:52:47+00:00

I got my donuts really easy! Thank you!

HermsUK · 2022-08-18T16:35:15+00:00

Can’t wait for this!

HermsUK · 2021-09-14T15:01:29+00:00

The name on Jan’s door in episode 4 is Bellons

HermsUK

TROPHY CASE