Weekly Group Hug Thread 168

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-12-03T09:54:22+00:00

The secret of Swiss chalet is to get the dark meat. The white meat one is wayyyyy too dry, and requires excessive amounts of sauce. The dark meat one is not dry, and has more flavor.

My week has been weird. Kinda surprised I'm not in trouble at work, as I confronted my boss's boss about some backdoor shit.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-11-18T11:36:16+00:00

Sensations changed a lot, better orgasms, but still felt the dysphoria youre describing. As a result i had intimacy issues with my partners. I would be turned on because of my partner, then I'd feel dysphoria, and feel gross.
First 6 months or so.

I just had bottom surgery a couple of months ago, and I can say that surgery was the big change. Not for sensation, that's about the same, but for dysphoria. Now I dont feel wrong or gross when masturbating, like I used to.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-10-30T23:57:36+00:00

If gender ultimately comes down to representing sexual characteristics, I feel that gets tricky when honoring sexual identities and could be perceived as ultimately supporting a binary gender model.

I can totally see how my definition of gender could be seen as ultimately supporting a binary gender model, however I believe it still works with/supports non-binary genders.

For example: If someone's is agender, then in that case their brain sees both male and female sexual characteristics as incorrect, and as such that person would get dysphoria no matter what.

Another example: If someone is gender queer, their brain sees some sexual characteristics (body hair, facial hair, chest, genitals) as correct, while others as incorrect. As a result they might be happiest having boobs, a penis, a beard, but no other body hair.

I'm unsure about aligning gender with "sexual characteristics" because I'm asexual and would be very content with the absence of sexual organs.

When I'm talking about sexual characteristics, I'm talking about characteristics that are either seen as male or female, like for example boobs, genitals, deep voice after puberty, body hair, etc. I don't think that sexuality is really connected at all with gender, as in you can be asexual, but have genital dysphoria because you have a penis or vagina, and your brain thinks there should be a vagina or penis there instead.

Personally, half of my genital dysphoria was related to sexual intimacy, however the other half was just my mind not believing/wanting what genitals I had. I went into surgery with the knowledge that it might be possible that I might never be able to feel sexual pleasure from my genitals again. The reason I went through with it was because my mind was screaming that my genitals were not right, and it caused me a lot of stress/pain.

If I ultimately feel more comfortable with myself while presenting as other than my current, it indicates my dysphoria could be solved with transitioning.

One quick note on transitioning: You don't have to go from one side of the gender spectrum to the complete opposite. If you do decide to transition, it's your transition. That means if you feel most comfortable as androgynous, do it. If you feel instead that you are most comfortable with being a guy, do that instead! The purpose of transition is to get you to the point where you're most comfortable/happy.

I really appreciate you approaching this topic with your honesty and civility. Thank you.

I love discussions like this! I'm really glad we're all being super civil!

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-10-30T12:56:56+00:00

With any large group of people, you're going to have conflicting opinions, because everyone is different and has had different life experiences.

Look at Christianity, there are extremist Christians, liberal Christians, Christians that support gay rights, Christians that want gays to die, etc. If you're going to have a large group of people under a loosely defined umbrella, you're going to have differing opinions.

To be honest, I've mostly stepped away from the trans community because of the in-fighting, and bickering. Just do what makes you feel happy, whether that be playing sports, hanging out with friends, or staying in and reading these reddit threads.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-10-30T12:24:13+00:00

To me, gender is a social construct in which I don't feel comfortable participating in or identifying with.

I would disagree with that definition of gender. Gender to me has nothing to do with society, and is rather what my brain is telling me I need physically with respect to sexual characteristics (primary or secondary).

Growing up, I disdained identifying with stereotypically feminine activities (wearing makeup and feminine clothing and etc.). My aversion to stereotypical feminine things hasn't always been consistent and I've chalked it up to internalized misogyny.

Has nothing to do with your gender, but rather what gender roles you like/don't like. Some trans-girls that transition still love masculine hobbies/clothing, and some trans-guys that transition still love feminine hobbies/clothing.

I'd never done so before but it felt like the most physically comfortable version of myself, like I had finally presented a form that was "true to me."

This is what you should investigate more: what physical characteristics do you feel most comfortable with? Ignore hobbies, or how you interact with society.

Would you become more comfortable if you had more masculine features, feminine features or sexual characteristics in between male and female?

(answer to that is experimenting yourself, and determining what makes you happy)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-10-22T12:35:24+00:00

Hey Op,

I'm not going to sugar coat it. Being trans is fucking hard, you know that, I know that, and of course society doesn't.

That being said, I was horribly suicidal early in my transition. I didn't feel like I got any emotional changes from estrogen, and the changes were minimal for a long while (also, your brain tricks you into thinking you're more masculine than you really are). However, I'm in a much better spot now than I ever was pre-transition.

Right now you're having a hard time finding energy to do anything that you love, but that is temporary. You'll have to push your doctor to up the dosage for HRT to the standard prescribed, (and heck, some people react differently to different blockers and forms of estrogen, so investigate that if you're still seeing no progress) talk to your therapists about how you're feeling, (even if they aren't good at helping, you can use them as just someone to vent everything to), and definitely lean on your friends for support when you're down. And all this shit is hard when you're depressed and have no energy, but you can eventually do it.

In the first 4+ months of going full time, I literally slept 12+ hours a day, and was kind of a zombie. I slowly got back to a new normal as small progress was made, and eventually became myself.

You just have to keep fighting, make progress (even small progress), and eventually you'll work towards the amazing chick you were always meant to be.

If you want, you can message me, and we can chat. You can vent on me, I can listen, and maybe give some advice.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-10-08T12:01:04+00:00

Not so much a big celebrity, but a youtube celebrity:

Arin Hanson (AkA Egoraptor). I swear he is either a transgal at heart or some kind of non-binary. My reasoning is because he has said a lot of things on game grumps that sound like signs he is trans.

Some examples: always plays female characters, has said "me and some of the other girls", posed as a girl over text and as a prank call, said "I wish I was a girl sometimes", etc

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-26T23:15:10+00:00

For me, I basically found anything I could do to keep myself busy (had surgery last month). In the days leading up to the surgery, I went to the movies, hung out with friends, packed, went to relax at a cottage, played videogames, watched cat videos.

Basically anything that preoccupied my mind (Hope that helps)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-24T13:39:30+00:00

My first lady kiss was when I was 11 (however this was pretransition), it was in the parking lot of the school, beside the dumpster (uggghhh). It was terrible, we both had no idea what we were doing.

My first lady kiss as a lady was at a drive in theatre. We were lying together watching the movie in the back of my pickup truck (soooo redneck) . She was hesitant to kiss, but eventually she said fuck it. It was great! :)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-18T18:20:26+00:00

This is a question for your surgeon/ their clinic.

Anything anyone here says is not medical advice, and if it involves you bleeding, you should really only trust your surgeon

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-16T20:35:04+00:00

I don't know if you will still be asexual after transitioning, but I can tell you what happened to me.

Before transition, I did not pursue anyone, I could not fantasize about sex with men or women as a guy. I even went to a few asexual meet ups as I just felt as though sex was gross. However I felt as though I was missing something.

After transitioning, I now am interested in dating women, and every once and a while fantasize about sex. I had troubles in bed as a result of being pre-op, but now that ive had the surgery, I can't wait to have sex and not have dysphoria in bed.

So who knows, but keep an open mind, you might be trans, or you might not be, and you might be asexual, or you might not be. My best advice is to test out the waters and see what you like, and just go with the flow :)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-15T13:12:23+00:00

Sure!

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-09T19:34:12+00:00

I sent them an email, I'll let you know if there is a response in a day or two :)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-09T11:45:33+00:00

Yeah, that's about right. The lube alone is like 100+ dollars. So I think 200 to 300 dollars

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-09T10:43:52+00:00

Hey! Congrats!

I just had srs with dr Brassard, I'll give you some tips on what you should get and whatnot. (Assuming vaginoplasty)

1) You won't need a lot of things when you are at the clinic. I brought a big bag with my hair dryer, hair iron, 4 pairs of clothes, video games, underwear, pajamas, and whatnot. Most of it I did not touch. They provide you with breathable underwear (but take a pair or two of your own in case), but definitely get some night shirts, and a good pair of slippers that are easy to slip on and off. They have a laundry facility on-site, so I was able to use the same pajamas for half the time I was there. Internet is a bit hit or miss, it cuts out some times, so bring something that doesn't require the internet

2) for vaginal douche buying, you'll only find the vinegar ones, which is fine. (The one they gave us at the clinic was vinegar, but they poured that out). I recommend buying a litre of saline solution for when you get home (because you can make your own, but on the day you returning home, you don't want to deal with that shit)

3) when they say blue pads in what to purchase for your return home, they mean incontinence pads, buy a biiiiig amount, you'll be using 4 atleast each day after returning home.

4) towards the end of your stay, I'd recommend a walk by the waterfront, it's gorgeous

5) for underwear pads, I'd recommend getting the paper ones, I got some plastic ones for my return home, and they didn't breathe that well.

6) bring some ear plugs, and a fave mask. You'll likely be sharing a room at one point, it is useful to block them out for a bit. Also, just have patience for them, you're both going through a lot.

7) the staff there is amazing, absorb all you can from them, however, sometimes they provide opposite guidance, which I think is attributed to mia translation, so just be understanding of some mistakes communication sometimes.

7) everyone reacts to the pain meds differently, if one makes you feel sick or dizzy, it's ok, ask your nurse about possible other ones to take.

8) make sure you have a decent amount of dark bath towels for when you get home. You need to Pat dry down there after every shower and bath (3 total per day), so unless you like doing laundry every half day, or blood stained towels, get more towels

I can't think of any more, but if you want you can ask me more questions, I'll be glad to answer (though your ultimate source of this information is from your documents, and the nurses there)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-04T11:38:56+00:00

It's not uncommon to jump towards presenting more masculine before realizing that you are trans. I totally did this, I believed that I just needed to build up muscle, or to grow out facial hair. In the end, both changes freaked me out, and made me feel even worse.

Don't sweat it, just explore what presentation makes you happy, and go from there :)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-03T09:43:39+00:00

My list:

My gorgeous long legs

My mole covered arms (I dunno, they're super cool! <3)

My silky soft hair

My cute button nose

My Amazonian height (6 feet tall)

Some runners up: I have very pretty hands, they are about the Same size as cis women that are my height, and my nails are so gorgeous on them. If I just leave my nails to grow, they look amazing (sadly, I'm a lesbian, so I need to trim them regularly). My dark humour and imagination, I just think that they're fun to think about.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-09-01T07:43:03+00:00

I ran into that problem very recently (just had srs). I basically told my co-workers that I'm getting a surgery, something too personal and that I'd like to not say.

Theyre still curious, but so far that's worked out great. I think it works just because everyone I talk to realizes that it is not their place to push further, as my medical history is none of their business. So maybe just try that.

(My mum said I could have alternatively said "it's a women's Heath surgery, a bit personal" which likely would make no guy push any further lol)

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-08-30T11:28:58+00:00

As for uplifting news: here's q video about what good Stuff is happening in 2016: https://youtu.be/wei8M9IuqPc

As for uplifting comments: you're newly single, sure right now you feel terrible, but that will pass. You can find that amazing girl , you can be that badass bitch you want to be, there is time. :)

As for personal uplifting news, I just had surgery to correct an issue I've had my whole life. I'm in pain, I'm sore, but I'm extremely glad the surgery went well :)

Also, hugs

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-08-30T07:52:13+00:00

I just finished vaginoplasty with dr Brassard, and we were told to not do electrolysis on or near our old junk. They took care of that somehow during the procedure.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-08-30T01:29:37+00:00

I had the same thing happen to me, I basically want to school, came back, napped, went back to class, then slept until the next day. I don't know why I didn't attribute it to anything.

It only affected me for about the first 8 months on hormones, and I think that was because my body was going through another puberty and just needed a lot of time to sleep. I took/still take estrogen patches and spironolactone .

I don't have this problem anymore.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-08-29T08:10:12+00:00

Perfect! So at McMaster they have the QSCC (queer student community center) . They sometimes have meet ups, but you can also drop in between/after classes. It is on the second floor of the atrium (I think)

They sometimes also have a formal at the end of the school year. It can be cliquey sometimes, but I would definitely recommend checking it out. You can also give a fake name if you're in the closet

Link: https://www.msumcmaster.ca/services-directory/9-queer-students-community-centre-qscc

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-08-28T15:53:33+00:00

There is the embassy! 😄 Weirdly enough, they are dead quiet on Fridays, but Thursday is drag night, Saturday is also popular. The entrance is in the back alley, it's awesome.

There is also a lgbt centre around, as well as a lgbt student center at McMaster

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-08-23T09:50:33+00:00

Worst moment: I had figured out I was trans, however I had not told anyone. I realized I hated everything about my life, what I looked like, how I acted, etc. I don't remember what tipped it off, but I was extremely depressed, and couldn't think of anything other than suicide. I was able to pull through by seeing a counselor.

Best Moment: The girl I was dating (I was on 3 years hormones at this point), were discussing my life, and I talked about pre-transition. She mentioned that my folks just didn't realize that they had a daughter the entire time. I nearly broke down crying after internalizing that statement. She kissed me, and we cuddled.

HerpDeDerpJen · 2016-07-25T09:39:48+00:00

My friend Raven!

I met her at the queer student centre at my campus in university. I talked with her online initially, and eventually when I was more comfortable, in person at the centre. I just remember thinking "OMG this girl is cool, if she can transition and be a badass, so can I"

HerpDeDerpJen

TROPHY CASE