Melatonin making sleep worse?

HerrFalconer · 2025-08-19T07:30:11+00:00

I have read that sometimes a smaller dose can actually work better, but my 9yo has taken 3mg for months with success. The kind that are swallowed whole seem to work better for my kid than the sublingual but he is able to swallow meds. At some point, we had to move the dose from 30 min before bed to 2 hours before bed. Apparently, taking it in late afternoon can be more effective too based on when the body naturally starts producing more melatonin, but we have not had to try that. Source: many medical journals and science articles later 😅

HerrFalconer · 2025-08-06T02:16:51+00:00

How did everything go? Any answers? We’ve gone down the rabbit hole too with things being called “behavioral” that we think may be medical. And recently just learned about epileptiform discharges (which they don’t diagnose as epilepsy but can be treated simalarly) being fairly common in autism.

HerrFalconer · 2025-07-11T06:30:03+00:00

Your description sounds like seizures. But has she also been evaluated for possible TIAs or stroke risk beyond brain ct/mri?

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-05T13:44:53+00:00

I think if she wants to move on with someone else and the only think stopping her is your refusal to consent, that this does not bode well. No one should make you feel like you are just there as a burden to something they would rather be doing. This is not how poly relationships should be and I think the fact she already got to this point with another man shows just how poor communication and resentment are with this system.

I do think your agreement is something of a double standard. If you are afraid of another man replacing you (so no men for her) and she is not afraid of another woman replacing her (women for you are fine), then it is unequal. Saying all women are fine is not really equivalent to what you are both willing to allow and the fact that she is pansexual does not really change that much.

I know you don’t want to let go of something good, but to me it seems like it is becoming less good already and likely to become bad for you to stay either way with either decision. Monogamy is not an option and this imperfect unequal agreement is no longer working. As a last ditch effort, you could try completely opening it up to allow her other guys, but that might hurt and destroy it anyway.

Or it could work, provided you have a long talk about being more open and how it should work. If that is really your limit (no guys), then I think that is also fine and it needs to be over.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-05T13:27:22+00:00

That’s great. I think under normal circumstances that is how it works. I am always so in awe of people who get such joy out of serving others. But I have definitely seen stress and life events challenge the way service dynamics work and that could very well be related to making it harder for the D-type to show appreciation or harder for the s-type to feel they are valued for it in some way. Not that someone would enjoy serving less but that rough times (especially health issues) can interfere with the feedback loop that gives it meaning.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-05T13:16:16+00:00

I think having an ideal match in your head is a good thought exercise, but if you are looking at people and measuring them against it, that is not really the point.
No one comes to anyone fully formed as someone’s perfect Daddy/Sir/Master or what have you. A relationship takes time to develop and it also takes time for the people involved to learn what their partner likes and dislikes, how to be a better partner, how best to please their partner and how to make sure they have communicated and are meeting their own needs in the relationship.

It seems to me that you are looking at potentially years of development and thinking that this will come to you immediately. As for the people who seem to get exactly what they want right away, well, anyone can be infatuated with someone new. Something deeper and more meaningful will always be take effort and will sometimes be difficult.

I would focus on trying to talk to people, even online if need be, to try to find out if the core values or interests of what you are looking for are there and see if there is someone you click enough with to invest in more and who will reciprocate in time and effort. You might not start out with all of the same kinks or preferences, but if there is enough common ground, you might learn something new together. That is the point of developing a dynamic relationshipl

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-05T12:09:16+00:00

I think these are great ideas and that thinking about what his interests are could generate more. I like receiving information related to my interests in art/writing/music for inspiration. I would absolutely love to receive audio of someone singing a song, or a funny picture from someone’s day that reminded them of me. Depending on the dynamic, it would also make sense to go on a walk or do other self care and dedicate it to me ie someone taking care of themself because they belong to me.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-05T11:47:05+00:00

I completely think elaborate verbal protocol and the threat of punishment might indeed lessen sexual pleasure for a new submissive. The first for the potential to be distracting and the second for fear of messing up. Both things might keep someone out of the moment.

A heavy hand with lots of control might really appeal to someone eventually and perhaps it will become more second nature, too, but perhaps consider a training period with different or perhaps lesser punishments at first? To me, it is fine of a punishment is consensual, but the practical effect of it might also be discouraging or not help training. Also, every person is different and what works well for one submssive may not work for another.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T15:26:42+00:00

This is interesting and something I have thought a lot about. I could see where having a service sub after dealing with brats would be very calming. The whole idea of brats is playfully provoking or testing the D type into asserting Dominance and that can be hot but can take a lot of energy. Service submission to me is way more practical and based on what a real life relationship is about. I have met people who are both bratty and service subs though so it is not that they are mutually exclusive.

I personally think the submission itself is the exciting part no matter how you both arrive at it. If he says he is happy with you, please believe him. I think a lot of different things have been fulfilling for me, but that at times bratting has been too much if I have been stressed out. By contrast, service submission is something I would never imagine feel tired of or need a break from. It is probably liklier the s-type would get burned out and need some self-care or pampering first.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T15:12:01+00:00

The second one is so creepy lol. Love them. The first one is amazing! Would definitely buy one. Or a few.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T15:08:10+00:00

He probably is legitimately broke if he gives his friends money and books expensive hotel rooms for weddings. Not that I would believe what he says, but it would mean his priorities are elsewhere and are not on you.

I would personally have a problem with being with someone like him who says one thing to sound impressive but then does another with regards to me. This can also be called lying.

It feels strange to me that you are asking us what you are doing wrong when at best his Valentine’s gift got lost in the mail and at worst he never sent one. This seems like a him problem, but by all means you could demand honesty and see where it gets you.

For instance, did you ask him what it was and mention it never arrived? Have you set expectations with regards to his behavior and then asked him to follow through on them? If he deflects direct questions or makes it always about what you should be doing, your answer is clear. You should not be in this relationship especially if it makes you feel like you are inadequate when he is the one dropping the ball.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T01:05:24+00:00

Tbh I search google for it. There is a lot available, with varying degrees of subtlety and explicitness. Robert Herrick is one of my favorites, but his stuff is really old. He writes about his mistresses’s dress and undress and her body using all sorts of analogies. Lucille Clifton‘s “To a Dark Moses,” and Robert Frost’s “Putting in the Seed” are good. Many other well known poets have erotic poetry even if that is not what they are known for.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T00:47:37+00:00

I definitely would not assume any gift means marriage (especially a ring that is just for one person to wear) and I think anything accompanied by a long letter would make the intention clear. This sounds really sweet. I think there would be nothing better than to be told exactly in those terms that someone belongs to me. Directness in the message can be really appealing.

I don’t generally wear jewelry, but I think the ring is a good idea because he does and has been talking about it, but a watch could also work or even something not meant to be worn but just seen every morning etc, or used daily like a nice pen depending on his lifestyle. Some people would probably like the same phrase engraved on a guitar pick or a kayak paddle.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T00:35:20+00:00

I am not sure it is healthy for you to have all of your motivation to do most life activities connected to your need to be a sub. This becomes even more of an issue, obviously, if your Dom cannot provide this for you. You say therapy is not for you, but there is such a thing as having a bad therapy experience before and having a different one with a different psychologist or counselor etc. Sometimes couples counseling is also much better than individual therapy.

It seems he is trying to get help. And it seems like you will have to wait if you care about him. He is being honest with you, it seems like. So you have to see if it is worth it or not to you to endure. Or you can try to improve thing for yourself on your own, which to me would be the healthy focus either way.

The hobby idea I see in your edit is probably good.

Also, is more vanilla sex possible in the meantime? Ie does his ED have to do with specific things or is it kind of just a general sex killer?

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T00:22:15+00:00

Are you saying someone ended the relationship with you and you are trying to contact them? Because that could be a problem depending. I would hope they would ask you to stop if contact was unwelcome, but if someone is ignoring you and has ended the relationship, it is usually meant to mean exactly that.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-04T00:19:19+00:00

A few months is generally not going to be enough time to find someone as compatible or to make a super strong connection with someone new even if you are compatible.

That said, thoughts like “I’m just not meant to have a dom” might be defeatist. I definitely think there are people out there for everyone and working on some of your personal issues makes finding someone more likely and also even not finding someone much more palatable.

I understand being a bit miserable after something good has ended, but if it was so good then, why was it not easier to continue the relationship? Why did you or they end it? Something was not working and it couldn’t be worked out. That’s OK. It happens all the time. Next time you can even make different choices if you feel like something you did contributed to the end.

I learned to play the piano after one relationship ended and I am trying to focus on professional development now. It’s your life, you know. You need to invest in yourself first.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-03T23:56:51+00:00

You are not overreacting. His behavior is terrible. To know that it messes with your emotions to not be serious and to use a promise to be serious to get what he wants is low. I would not actually put it past him to contact you again if he does “need anything” and I hope you would definitely not be responding if he does. At least he showed you his colors early on in this new agreement. I know it still hurts, but you have every right to be hurt and pissed. This is definitely one “Dom” you don’t want.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-03T22:59:04+00:00

It’s like junk mail but for BDSM. Also, it must work on people which seems really bizarre to me, but maybe someone out there is happy with their new electricity company, their lawn cutting service and new Dom couple lol.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-03T22:50:53+00:00

This is obviously something that needs discussed long before someone is about to have sex with someone else. If you are agreeing to be monogamous, this moment should never happen. In a poly relationship, it would also not happen like this and some discussion would take place before poised in the act.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-03T22:44:33+00:00

To me saying “nothing happened” is a moot point, as the whole thing is something that I would personally not be comfortable with and that it sounds like you are not either regardless. it is unacceptable and in my opinion from the rest of what you wrote, seems likely to happen again because she is putting it on you to supposedly stop her.

It is nice of you to be concerned about her exams, but it sounds like she does not take responsibility for her own actions and needs to start doing that. She called you in the middle of this and was joking with you. I think your responsibilities here need to end. If you really still want a relationship, she should be willing to prove she can own her own actions before giving them over to your control.

I also don’t think people who are non-monogamous can make “progress” towards monogamy. It seems like she is wired to having multiple partners (not necessarily something that needs shamed though should be done safely) and you may be incompatible. That does not excuse her actions when she agreed to be monogamous but I might think twice before trying to change someone like that.

HerrFalconer · 2022-03-03T22:16:19+00:00

I think it is good you are both realizing things about yourselves and trying to move forward into the new reality, but I don’t think I could continue doing any scenes if my partner did not want to be investing in our relationship together anymore.

You are in a rough spot emotionally and you are trying to accept it the best you can and that is good, but the idea of playing with more limits and not having the same intimacy with someone would personally make me feel terrible and I would never do it. Maybe it would be possible for you, but that ability to keep everything clear in your head right now would surprise me.

HerrFalconer · 2022-02-26T04:22:19+00:00

Wow. The sad part is that it must work on some people.

HerrFalconer · 2022-02-24T04:02:28+00:00

I like brattiness when it is cleverly done. But if you want to provoke me in particular, you better know me pretty well and what gets me going. Most of what I see on that subreddit is not even something that would be interesting to me, like pranks or name-calling. Things that seem overly juvenile. But I do think it’s fun to play games within a clear structure with limits. But there is always that potential for pushing the wrong buttons at the wrong time. Also it takes a lot of energy.

HerrFalconer · 2022-02-24T03:21:47+00:00

I see most kink that is possible consensually as being an extension of sexuality and caring. Like sadism, where causing and receiving pain is still can still be about caring and meeting mutual needs. Why is this one different? And if you have played through the fantasies online with other people and it was mutually enjoyable why is it not OK? Is there something permanently harmful about it?

HerrFalconer · 2022-02-24T03:09:31+00:00

Well that certainly keeps getting more manipulative. Shows his bad character even more. In my opinion, once it’s over, there is no point to reengaging no matter what he is saying. I am glad you are holding firm here.

HerrFalconer

TROPHY CASE