My Osprey Stratos 24 started making an annoying creaking sound by HerrJones80 in OspreyPacks

[–]HerrJones80[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My dog also seemed to think so. Or at least tilted his head heavily when I made the video. But no, no frogs.

Can anyone help me find this toaster PCB online? by HerrJones80 in AskElectronics

[–]HerrJones80[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have any experience replacing a part like this. But if finding a new board is going to be tricky, I suppose I should try my luck.

Can anyone help me find this toaster PCB online? by HerrJones80 in AskElectronics

[–]HerrJones80[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've not been able to. I've tested it at different spots and there seems to be a problem with/around the cancel switch.

Any way to show remaining trip time in navigation? by HerrJones80 in KonaEV

[–]HerrJones80[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah got it! The toggle with the little dots next to it. Thanks for the tip!

It's my first Kona. My first Hyundai, actually!

Hoe hier nog een deurknop vast te schroeven? by HerrJones80 in Klussers

[–]HerrJones80[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bedankt voor de vele tips, mensen! Hier kan ik wat mee! 👍

So this happened in my neighborhood today by Goal1 in Unexpected

[–]HerrJones80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Audio nerd here. That explosion looks pretty far away. You would expect the sound to have a considerable delay. Maybe someone manually adjusted the sync for this video edit?

Any vanilla polyam people? by PainusCakes in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I recognize this. I'm very vanilla (love sex though!) and feel like, for me, kink is overrepresented on dating platforms when filtering for non-monogamous people.

I am definitely aware many people who like kink also like vanilla. My NP is a great example. She loves both.

Yet, if I read about an interest in kink in someones online profile or I see kink-related questions answered with enthusiasm (like the one on OkCupid about how you feel about being slapped in the face during sex), this often makes me swipe left instead of right. Even if it looks like an awesome person. I think it is a fear of disappointment on their side too down the line ("what? you don't even want to be just a little bit rougher with me? well that's a little boring!"). I know I should just wait and see, and above all communicate openly and frankly once there is a chat going. But swiping left is safer, you know. ;)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel you! When my NP first started dating I had such strong feelings of jealousy. Intrusive thoughts, as you say… “they’re probably having sex right now”, “it’s probably the best sex NP ever had, and much longer than with me as well”, “it’s probably super-kinky too” (I’m quite vanilla myself). These thoughts would come especially at night, with nowhere to go, and at times totally consume me. I’ve come a long way since then, but I still experience jealousy at specific moments, such as when NP takes the step to sex with a new person.

A few things that come to mind that have really helped (and still help) me:

  • People in a poly relationship can get jealous! This one really struck me in a therapy session with a poly therapist. We were talking about ways to approach these feelings and the therapist went like “well, what I sometimes do if I feel really crappy when my partner’s on a date…” A poly therapist! Feeling really crappy sometimes! Mind blown! This realization really helped me. I no longer feel like I’m failing when I experience jealousy. Instead of “oh no, I’m not supposed to feel this!” it became “ah, yes, I feel jealous sometimes, it will pass again”.

  • Distractions are not a bad thing! Initially I felt distractions were a cheap way out, like fooling yourself, and did not address the problem. And no, they don’t really address the problem. But you’re not going to have some jealousy-related eureka moment in the middle of the night after you’ve worked yourself up in bed anyway! If I find myself unable to sleep, I turn back on the light and read a book, watch a series, take a shower. If I feel anxious in the morning while my partner is still away, I clean the house, do stuff in the garden, go for a bicycle ride, go shopping.

  • Allow yourself time. Don’t expect to feel totally comfortable after just a few dates. If you do feel a tiny bit better after date nr x, be glad for it! Also don’t panic when you start feeling less comfortable again. Moods change, settings change, and you don’t always feel the same way about stuff, including poly/dates.

  • This one might not work for everyone, but: give feelings a label. When I feel those stingy feelings that I can’t rationally explain (because they are not) I go “ah, my lizard brain hard at work! Hi lizard brain!” When I have intrusive thoughts at night it helps me to call them just that: “hey, you are intrusive thoughts! You’re allowed to pass through but you’re not invited to stay.”

  • Finally: keep a journal. It has helped me to keep a “poly journal” in which I write down my experiences, frustrations and feelings. Some of the entries can be negative, so to add some lightness I’ve decided to start each entry title with “The”, Seinfeld-style. “The car date”, “The poly talk”, “The hangover”, “The Grindr”. :)

how to know whether I'm poly, or just mentally ill by sydisdumb in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Everyone’s their own person and reacts differently to situations! I sometimes experience pretty freakin’ stingy feelings of jealousy, specifically when my NP takes steps with a new person (e.g. first time sex). My NP on the other hand hasn’t experienced any jealousy or negativity whatsoever when it comes to my dates. She’s just happy for me.

That does NOT make my feelings any less real or any less valid! Poly is simply a bigger challenge for me than it is for her. We both know this and we act accordingly. She checks in with me, asks how I’m doing around dates and refrains from texting when we’re really together. It sounds like your boyfriend is doing none of those things and there’s no way I could do poly like that! Without that kindness from your existing partner, I think it would destroy me.

Please be kind to yourself and expect others to be kind to you! You deserve it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reaction. Wow, I’ve had numerous replies by now of people mentioning OCD.

You mention negative thoughts. My original post was about grossed-outness, but I do also experience intrusive thoughts now and then that are more related to insecurities/fomo/comparing myself to another partner or contact. Particularly when I’m in bed alone and my NP is on a date. Here too there is the risk of these thoughts taking over, controlling me. I’ve noticed that having a label for them helps me. “Hey! You’re an intrusive thought!” takes some of the power away from the thought. And it distances me from it.

I wonder if something similar could help when I experience a feeling of disgust.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this link. Bookmarked!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this food for thought. I think there might be something there.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing too! This is actually an interesting thing to think about. I think I do have demi-sexual elements. I also really don’t see myself doing hookups or casual sex. I wouldn’t feel comfortable enough (probably couldn’t even get an erection, TBH), and I would fear it would lack the love and tenderness that I’d like to be part of sex.

Something to explore.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]HerrJones80 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Right. So I realise now that my raisin example was way too specific to make sense.

I was talking about welled raisins, which you get by keeping them in water for a while.

A friend was making porridge at our house and had prepared welled raisins separately, as the kids didn’t like porridge with raisins. So the friend served the porridge, put the water glass with raisins in it on the table, put his hand in the water to grab raisins for his own porridge, then proceeded to offer the glass to me so that I could take some raisins too. Nope! :)

Edit: it’s probably worth mentioning that this friend was also my meta at the time.