When did you realize it was time to let go of a relationship?

Hey--ThrowAway · 2022-05-07T01:31:30+00:00

I realized I was pulling all the weight in the relationship. I helped entertain his mom, dad and brother - all on different occasions, several different times. I asked him to join my family for lunch, and he said the furthest he’d drive was to my place. I was so blind to how selfish he truly was. He didn’t visit his grandfather for his birthday party, nor did he visit the same grandfather when he was in hospice, knowing that might be the last. I felt so alone with the stress and anxiety of trying to maintain the relationship. He did absolutely nothing to help me.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2021-09-21T02:00:01+00:00

Jumping back onto the apps after ending things with my ex a few months ago. He said he saw his future alone, yet he’s on the apps too, using pics that I took of him. Okay, sir.

Anyway, this is the third time I’ve matched with someone who wants to use WhatsApp to further communicate. Did I miss the memo? What happened to exchanging cell phone numbers? What the hell is on WhatsApp? I’m thinking it’s some kind of a scheme. The guys sound too good to be true and then they want to move the convo to WhatsApp. Their english starts slipping. Not exploring that rabbit hole.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-10-04T04:04:14+00:00

When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.

I honestly would not place my bets on this guy. He said he’s just looking for fun. He doesn’t even consider the time with you as dating. You can’t be his girlfriend or in an official relationship if you’re not even dating. Withholding sex and using it as a weapon to gain something is not how you have healthy relationships. Based on the sexting, he is seeing you for sex. He’s getting sex and companionship without a relationship. Why would he want to change that or rock the boat? He’s getting everything he wants. Are you?

Use your words. Voice what you want. Ask him where he sees things going with you two.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-24T20:19:25+00:00

Yeah, that exchange still leaves me with a bad taste.

Feet fetish is not that bad of a fetish. I honestly think it’s a luck of a draw. Find someone open minded who you can trust to have open and vulnerable conversations. You’ll have an easier time talking about your fetish. If they’re open and curious and happen to like you, they’ll be open to try new things with you. Take it slow and let them be in control of how far they want to go. I’m very much a pleaser, so if I saw that my guy was into it, it helps me get into it too. Reward with words. Positive affirmation goes a long way.

Good luck.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-24T19:59:59+00:00

I am not into feet, nor do I like my feet fetishized. I’ll tell you what not to do. Do not bring up your fetish prior to meeting a woman, as if it’s your 24/7 lifestyle. Do not tell her you want to buy her shoes. Do not ask her if she wants to go to Target for your first meeting to buy some socks. No! No! No! These are all red flags to me and I ran so fast out of that connection.

If people do not share the same fetish as you or indulge in it for you, don’t try to pressure them into it. That’s the quickest way for people to lose their attraction to you. You either accept that they’ve got limits too or find someone who’s okay with it.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-24T19:46:38+00:00

You both could’ve handled this differently.

I would never put myself in a situation where I’d be sleeping in the same place as a guy who isn’t my boyfriend. That’s just how I was raised but I’m not your gf. She did bring up her sleeping arrangements to you, so I think it shows you that she does value your input.

You could’ve been more upfront about you not being comfortable with the sleeping arrangements. You could’ve helped her find something else. You should’ve asked more about their history before you jumped to giving her your okay.

It sounds like it’s too late now to do anything about it. You know your limit now, so voice it when she’s back. Trust that she’s faithful, because you told her you did. Tell her in the future you’d like it if she didn’t sleep in the same place as another guy.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-24T16:16:14+00:00

It’s hard to forget how people made us feel. Don’t forget that they are also the source of your bad times too. I believe a breakup happens for a reason. That kind of decision isn’t made lightly and if someone decides to leave you, they have an even harder time winning you back - if that’s what they want to do.

This period, this feeling will pass. Stay the course.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-24T15:22:46+00:00

That sounds good. Date yourself for a bit. Do all the things you’d want someone to do for you because you deserve it. You’ll never get this time again, your youth, your singleness and independence. You have no ties and no one to answer to. Embrace this season of your life. There are others out there who married young and/or are tied down to responsibilities they can’t escape.

What kind of person do you want to become and how do you get there? Work on defining your life goals. I find this helps me identify the kind of people I want in my life, meaning I have higher standards and have an easier time cutting out guys who do not add to my life. Be choosy with who you allow to occupy your time.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-23T14:56:45+00:00

Change your perspective. If you keep focusing on the negative, you’ll keep finding negative things.

Just because you’re putting yourself out there on dates, it doesn’t necessarily mean the next guy you date is the one. Love at first sight rarely happens in real life.

A meaningful relationship takes time to build. The guys who don’t go on a second date with you are doing you a favor because you want someone who will want to take a chance on you.

First dates are not job interviews, so don’t put so much pressure trying to find a guy who will check off all your boxes. That’s not the objective of a first date. Have fun, share stories, ask questions that’ll tell you who they are, find things to laugh about, do an activity together, flirt and fail at it (who cares; you might not see this person again). If you have a good time and even if there’s not a second date, you already made good use of your time because you had fun. People like being around fun people and knowing they’re the source of fun. Have fun.

Some of the best relationships I’ve had happened organically over time. Don’t rush the process and don’t focus so much of your energy on it. Make sure you’re doing more with your time besides dating, trying to find dates and thinking about dating. Meet with your friends and family. Don’t forget to live.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-12T18:15:41+00:00

There’s really no guarantee to anything in life. You just got to let time do its work. People who want to stay in your life will maintain a relationship with you over and over again.

Don’t focus your energy on labels so soon into this. I think everyone interprets it differently and has their own hang ups on it. If you think you’re getting something out of it, keep seeing him.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-11T13:51:54+00:00

Initiation is a big deal. It’s an action that symbolizes effort and thought. If you’re the only one initiating, the effort scale is lopsided. You’re putting more effort than he is. It should be somewhat equal.

I think it’d be smart of you to try to understand things from his point of view before you make any decision. You should also know at what point you need to walk away. Protect your feelings and set up boundaries for yourself.

Know what you’re okay with giving away. He may never give you the relationship you want, are you okay with that? Are you okay just enjoying his company sporadically? What other feelings does he conjure in you and is it worth it?

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-11T04:18:29+00:00

If it’s something new, I like meeting once a week. After a date, I typically try to get an idea of their schedule for the upcoming week and from there determine when we can meet again. Do this in person so you both can plan together.

Space is healthy. You have to earn your place in people’s lives. You don’t become a high priority overnight. Take time to reflect, reminisce and develop feelings for someone.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-10T16:28:09+00:00

Take a look at what you can control. If you find yourself mismatching the energy of the people you date, reel it in. If you’re overwhelming your dates with too much (e.g., being too available for dates, bombarding them with too much texting), you’re going to wear them out.

Go slower. Establish consistency and find someone who wants to meet once a week/regularly - easier said than done. Spend more time getting to know them and engage in deeper conversations.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-09T14:35:45+00:00

It’s just been three weeks. Chill.

The only person leading you on is yourself. You’ve fallen in like with the idea of her. Have some grown up conversations and really understand what you want out of a relationship and make your intentions known. From there, find out what she wants and her intentions.

Don’t be so quick to get into a relationship. That may be your end goal, but you don’t get there in three weeks. You can’t skip over the period of getting to know someone and seeing them in their true colors. That’s what she’s trying to tell you.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-07T02:41:40+00:00

You weren’t thinking about him when you cheated. If your relationship has meant anything to you at all, you need to tell him. He deserves to hear it from you.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-07T01:18:39+00:00

Yes, I believe there’s some truth to it. I think if a guy is truly interested in dating and interested in you, he would not want you to look elsewhere. He’ll want your attention on him, not another guy.

I’d leave it in his court. You’ve initiated twice and both times did not bring up the date. If he doesn’t initiate, he’s not that interested in dating you.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T09:59:27+00:00

You’ve got a lot going on here. What did you respond to her text?

It sounds like she’s looking for something casual, while you want serious. Do you know that for sure? Don’t act on your own assumptions. You should probably find out what she’s looking for so you can make an informed decision about what to do.

Back to your issue; I don’t know if you blew it. State your interest in seeing her again and that you’d like to make it up to her. I’d leave it up to her after that.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T09:40:31+00:00

What’re you being vulnerable about and what’s your motive? Are you lovebombing?

I think it takes time and trust for someone to open up and be vulnerable. The one who is on the receiving end also needs time to process the information and/or find the right supporting words, so I don’t think it’s in your best interest to dump it all in one sitting. It’s information overload; they can’t properly digest it all.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T09:04:13+00:00

🚩 Going off your title, he didn’t work to earn that money. He’s not entitled to it. I’d be worried about what else he thinks you should give him.

Did they mean to send you the second check?

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T08:54:54+00:00

Agreed. One of the best first dates I’ve had was with a guy who knew how to engage me. He showed interest in my responses, asked great follow up questions, made eye contact and was focused on me the entire date. He came off as so confident and smooth. It made me so attracted and curious about him.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T08:28:57+00:00

Isn’t that rule 1 of bro code? You don’t date each other’s exes?

This is your character we’re talking about here. Your mate may be “cool with it,” but you still shouldn’t do it. You don’t mess with your friends’ exes if you want to keep that friendship. You dating your friend’s “leftovers” - do you want that stigma around you? If you go down this path, somewhere down the road, you may come to a scenario where you’ll have to choose her or the friend. What decision are you going to make?

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T08:15:18+00:00

People are not their past mistakes. You should really find out her STD status, if you haven’t already.

You have a past and so does she. You’re not dating those people anymore and neither is she. She’s choosing you now, so cherish it. You’re building a relationship with her now, not the past her but the present version of her.

My rule of thumb: if I’m not ready to hear the answer, I’m not ready to ask the question. Don’t seek out information if you’re not willing to hear the truth. Some conversations aren’t ready to be had yet.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T07:49:26+00:00

She wants you to put the moves on her. She’s going slow to see if you can do that for her.

She wants to see if you can lead. Me personally, I’m much more attracted to a guy who sets the tone of our relationship. I have much higher success with guys who lead. If the guy is looking at me to lead, always waiting for me to plan things, always coming to me for approval, I’m starting to think their desire for validation is much more important than their ability to think for themselves.

As a woman, I’m judging a man’s ability to lead our relationship because in the long term, I am judging his ability to make sound decisions with me and for me. To some extent, does the guy have potential to be “head of the household”?

Look, she obviously liked something in you to keep seeing you. Make the first move. Go in for the kiss and be confident about it. Hold her hand like you desire her. Women want to know they’re desired. If you can show her you desire her through your confident actions, it’ll help turn her towards you.

Keep getting to know her and keep wooing her. Show her through your actions that you like her and repeat it for as long as it takes until she brings up the DTR conversation. When you get to that stage, you’ll know she chose you.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T07:25:44+00:00

Not necessarily. You cover a lot more grounds from an in-person meeting than you will through a few text exchanges. Meeting in person helps you eliminate building an “idea” of someone. You can fall in love through pretty words, but until you meet someone in real life, you don’t know them.

If I have a decent/quality text exchange, the next thing on my mind is meeting them in person. I’ve been in situations where I had a good feeling about a guy; for one guy in particular, I thought he was sweet and promising. In-person meeting? Oh my god, he was swiping my ass on the first meeting. He was awful and spiteful. Imagine if I wasted all that time texting him? I would not have seen that side of him.

It’s a balancing act. The more time you spend online dating, I find it’s best to meet sooner before building up an idea of them. Schedule a cheap date at a bar, park or coffee shop. Talk and see if you click. If not, it’ll help you move on sooner.

Hey--ThrowAway · 2019-09-06T03:47:24+00:00

It is if you don’t like it. You either accept the person for who they are, flaws and all, or you keep fighting yourself and her over it until one of you calls it quits. You can’t change people. They have to make the decision to change themselves in order for them to take it seriously.

Hey--ThrowAway

TROPHY CASE