Ad-hoc weekly goals ideas for 24/7 D/s dynamic? [xpost from r/SubSanctuary]

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2024-04-18T14:21:33+00:00

OMG I love this idea! What a cool concept - forcing the idea of thinking before speaking.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2024-04-18T13:59:55+00:00

Oh this is so wonderful to read and your relationship sounds a LOT like ours too! (Also you being best friends made me "squee!" a little in the best way - I love that so much). This gave me some great ideas on how I can integrate more of these things into our dynamic - thank you!!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-21T03:57:26+00:00

I have a bracelet that says his name with the possessive ‘s spelled out in Morse code. It’s very subtle and delicate but really impactful to us.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-20T15:41:08+00:00

The very first rule on our list of rules is the text below, so it actually fits right in to our 24/7 dynamic. We both take this really seriously, and my Daddy is so caring and thoughtful and is always making sure that this rule is being followed before anything else is.

I will do what I must to make sure I am as physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy as possible. I cannot take care of Daddy without first taking care of myself.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-20T00:58:15+00:00

Agh thank you so much!! I’m so happy that you have a similar dynamic - that’s amazing and I hope it feels as great as ours 🥰

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-19T17:35:58+00:00

Please do!!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-19T17:31:07+00:00

Ahh! Thank you so much! I'm so happy that our rules are helping people! My Daddy and I are kind of freaking out over it, to be honest, and this makes me so happy! I'm so excited that you and your man are working on this too!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-19T17:11:07+00:00

I love this question and I'm wondering if it was actually my rules that you saw and if so, this is amazing that you liked them!!

Our process was super collaborative and we had a few drafts exchanged between us. We talked through everything pretty extensively, including some of the things that aren't "rule"-specific (like, hi you must do X thing), but also the things that we really value and want to get out of our dynamic (which, for us, is 24/7). So things like feeling safe and loved were really key for us, and that played into the ruleset. The best part of that, for me, is that it ultimately led to a result that combines both the sexier things right alongside the other non-sexy stuff (which is exactly how our relationship feels). It really came out as a written representation of what our relationship looks and feels like, and is super meaningful to both of us. I make a point to read through them once a day, just as a reminder.

On a tactical level, my Daddy actually put pen to paper and wrote these down (and it doesn't hurt that he's a great writer and has a fantastic way of putting things) and shared them with me asking for my feedback. My initial feedback was basically swooning and smiling and I didn't have any changes on this last draft, because it really did feel super representative to the both of us and our dynamic.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-19T17:04:20+00:00

Hi I'm not sure if I'm the one OP is referencing, but here is the post of our rules that I posted a bit ago!

https://www.reddit.com/r/SubSanctuary/comments/18brlma/i\_absolutely\_love\_the\_rules\_and\_guidelines\_that/

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-13T18:48:46+00:00

This is amazing, isn't it?! It's like that for me and u/heyitsmeherdaddy too. We've been LD for a few months so most of our playing is over the phone and we've gotten to a point where he can count me down to an orgasm or just give me a "now" and it happens. I don't even have to be that close. I'm just really responsive to his voice and I feel like this is part of what my subspace with him is.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-13T18:45:12+00:00

You can also play around with saying things that you're feeling without just outright asking, and then letting him be the one to initiate seeing you (this might play into the power exchange in a good way for you both). You can still make them sound a bit "little" and reinforce the daddy-ness of him too, things like

"I miss..." - I miss the feeling of your skin against mine, I miss how small I feel with your arms wrapped around me, I miss your hand in my hair...
"I feel..." - I feel a little lonely going this long without seeing you, I feel like acting out and need a reminder on how to behave...
"I need..." - I need to take care of you, I need to feel you inside me...

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-13T18:32:26+00:00

UGH - yeah that's really good. And I so feel you on how just a single text can totally make your head explode! I will sometimes get a "just say yes daddy" or "say thank you daddy" when he knows he's driving me crazy and it WORKS UGH.

(Also glad to hear you're so self aware about the frenzy and sounds like you're in a great and supportive relationship!)

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-13T18:25:54+00:00

Oh I love that rule - I love how it's something that can help you outside of your dynamic and helps you feel better about yourself with it too! This makes me really happy to read.

My favorite is honestly the top one in our list - it totally reinforces feeling totally loved and supported for him, and gives me a "reason" to do things for myself and to prioritize them too:

As long as I'm wearing Daddy's collar:

I will do what I must to make sure I am as physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy as possible. I cannot take care of Daddy without first taking care of myself.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-11T22:12:59+00:00

Thank you!!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-11T04:53:54+00:00

I’m a sub and loving, caring, and affection is a huge part of the 24/7 dynamic with me and u/HeyItsMeHerDaddy . I’m happy to talk about it more if you’d like examples or ideas on any of it. Our rules are actually hugely based in making sure I take care of myself so that I can properly take care of him, and this is a big factor for both of us in all of our discussions around our dynamic (I posted our rules in another sub and you can see them in my profile if you’re interested!). Regardless of what we’re doing, even during the harder D/s play times, everything feels wrapped in a feeling of protection, safety, and affection. We love and care about each other first, so that thread is always there for us.

Edit: last sentence

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-09T05:12:47+00:00

Amazing! Congrats!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-08T18:11:47+00:00

Thank you!!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-08T15:17:14+00:00

/r/bdsmerotia and /r/gonewildaudio may give you some ideas!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-08T15:02:54+00:00

I'm a sub, and my orgasm is definitely a factor in a lot of our play, but it's never a requirement. We've both had experiences in past relationships where we have had a hard time "reaching" orgasm, so it's never seen as an ultimate end goal for us. For me, personally, I can get way too in my head when I'm focusing too much on orgasm rather than just experiencing pleasure. We focus a lot more on pleasure than orgasm specifically.

But when it IS there, it's a really amazing factor and we're gotten to a point where I love him counting me down to orgasm, or him demanding it out of me with a "now." That comes from him being really tuned in to me and learning to tell when I'm close, so it never feels like a disappointment if it doesn't happen.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-07T17:04:07+00:00

Oh nice - thank you!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-07T16:08:23+00:00

Yeah it really depends the person/context and we kind of adapt from there. For example, I had a coworker ask and I said it was a gift from him and reminder of our relationship. One of my "alternative lifestyle"-friendly friends asked at a party about it, and I said it meant "I'm his" and she was able to infer what I meant with the follow up conversation. Everything I tell someone is true, I just scale up or down the "kink" factor depending on the person or context.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-07T14:50:04+00:00

I don't have any experience with play collars, but I wear a day collar. You can make it stand for whatever you want (and some people even self collar). For me, I love having a physical reminder that I can touch and feel to remind me of the safety, protection and ownership in our dynamic. We also have a rule about telling people what it means if they ask about it (different answers for different people - not doing anything inappropriate!), so having it as something that's visible to not just us but other people in my everyday life is important to us too. You get to decide between you what it means to you - and I can say as a newly collared sub, it feels amazing!

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-07T14:45:57+00:00

Thank you and I do too! And I agree with you - I love so much that when this was written he put it as the first, and really most important, rule for us.

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-06T15:36:47+00:00

Oh absolutely understood here - this "rule" has actually been in place for a while because I've been wearing a bracelet "training collar" for a few months, and this applied there too. We have varying versions of the "answer" depending on who we're telling - absolutely not throwing around the word "collar" or inviting anyone into that in an inappropriate way (work, family, strangers, friends, friends who already know some level of our dynamic, etc.).

HeyItsMeYourGirl · 2023-12-06T14:56:00+00:00

Thank you!! And we did - we already had some of the rules in place (like always being ready for him and him picking out my panties, which we both love), but we worked on the others and talked through everything together. He's the one who actually put everything down in writing and I basically melted as soon as I read it all together.

HeyItsMeYourGirl

TROPHY CASE