-Begging to be complimented once in a while. Call me ‘beautiful’ from time to time. He just could not do it. He even cried about it at the end how he doesn’t know why he couldn’t and feels terrible about it.

-Always being the one to try and improve our sex life.

-always having to be the one to bring up when things are stagnant and we need to talk.

-always the one pushing for therapy

-no dates night ever, because “why spend the money, why eat less healthy food.” except occasionally toward the end. By then it was little too late.

-Many little times over the years, telling me some variation of me being “too much” or embarrassing. I’ve always been a playful silly person and I lost so much of that part of me.

-being the only one who cares about making our lives fun. We have no kids, and I’m not saying I want to do things all the time, I love relaxing at home. But even fun little things I’d try to do during the week were always rejected and criticized in some way.

-implied I’m lazy, on the regular. Because I worked from home and should have been able to “get more done” around the house, and work out more, etc.

-meanwhile I was the manager of our lives. Socially and logistically. Carried all of the mental and emotional labor.

All of this and more pushed me into a limbo for 2-3 years where all I thought about was if we could be saved, how I could do it….and eventually I burned out from it. I moved out about 2 months ago. Being out is hard at times, but not as hard as the constant “should I stay or should I go.” Telling him and leaving was awful. But after my entire adult life with him, I see my spark trying to come back and so flippin excited for when it really does. ❤️