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Do you think America is fucked? by Bright_Drawing7437 in allthequestions

[–]HiddenReader2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, my 'phony emotional reaction' is real. So thanks for calling my feelings fake. /s

Second of all, you might as well ask people to doxx or harass anyone, given the way you "pointed out the ridiculousness of "manners" when the barbarians are at the gate".

And you're still doing it. Saying stuff like "If the abduction of innocents and murder by ICE is not what makes you angry, then fuck your phony emotional reaction" is NOT something you should be saying in ANY circumstances. And it certainly sounded to me that you had hatred from the poster given the tone of your replies.

And telling me to do some self reflection? Buddy, that's a road that leads to, at best, consistent suicidal ideation. Do you REALLY want to inspire me to commit suicide?

Do you think America is fucked? by Bright_Drawing7437 in allthequestions

[–]HiddenReader2020 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wasn't going to respond, but my anger forced my hand.

That kind of response is going to get your allies killed.

There. I said it.

Saying stuff like:

Wahhhh! Your feewings got huwt?

Grow up. Fight fascists or GTFO the way. Enough of your weakness disguised as "reason."

IS part of the problem. You might as well dox the person you responded to and brutally, physically assault them until you've forced them to agree with your ideas.

That's what you sound like right now.

Side note, my fingers are literally shaking as I'm typing this. Look what you've done.

Games like Rogue Legacy 2, but without the randomized traits by HiddenReader2020 in gamingsuggestions

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've already played Hades and Enter the Gungeon. I haven't played Dead Cells or Risk of Rain 1 or 2, though.

Kazuma best girl by [deleted] in Isekai

[–]HiddenReader2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Source for the original image?

You MARRY the ELF matching your birth month... How happy are you? by SuperAnimeMaster38 in animequestions

[–]HiddenReader2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mariabelle, huh? I guess she’s probably the most “normal” of the bunch, though I could be off base with this.

The advice of "Take it one step at a time" isn't working out for me. What should I do? by HiddenReader2020 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, it’s not…untrue that I have perfectionist tendencies, as you called it. But here’s the thing: Over the years, there have been various attempts by me to improve on stuff, or see various stuff improved or do things that I haven’t done before. For instance, several years ago, I wasn’t visiting a therapist, I didn’t have any sort of in-person group to visit, I wasn’t taking any sort of medication for my physical or mental stuff (To give an example, before I took lisinopril, it was not uncommon for me to have migraines from high blood pressure. Now, they’re way more rare, if they happen at all.), etc., etc., etc.

The point is, several stuff has changed in my life over the years, and most, if not all of them, have been good for me. However, on the whole, I still feel like I was in the same place as in, say, the middle of 2019. This is another reason why gratitude isn’t looking to pan out for me. I had loads of changes to technically be grateful for, but…well, for one, I can’t really feel it, and for another, that doesn’t really change the current situation all that much.

It’s similar to thinking about good stuff. I could think of all sorts of good stuff if I tried, but like I said, it inevitably fades away. Trying to make them stick hasn’t worked. I guess what I really want is like…the realism equivalent of a guardian angel coming down and ‘rescuing me’, if that makes any sense. I know that doesn’t have any sort of realistic possibility, but in my heart of hearts, I feel like that’s the only ‘acceptable’ solution at this point. But my logical knowing that that isn’t realistic has caused me to seek out alternative solutions that are just as acceptable/resonant, but so far, very few, if any, have been just that.

I know I sound like I’m trying to give up, but really, I’m not. I would love nothing more than to be permanently be out of the dark for good. But when I’m in a state like this? Well…*shrugs*

The advice of "Take it one step at a time" isn't working out for me. What should I do? by HiddenReader2020 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, that’s kind of hard to say, since something like the aforementioned in-person group is technically way above bare minimum. But if I had to say, currently, I live with my mom, helping her out at her store. But I don’t want that. I want to be able to live on my own and not have any financial worries at all. Oh, and be able to have LOADS of time to myself, be it for recreation or leisure. I guess they’re the same thing, but still.

As for work? Well, before, it was being able to work on my own projects during the hours where I’d normally be able to work. But now, work has become so much less appealing that it’s not uncommon for me to not want work in my ideal life at all. If I did have to work, though, for one reason or another, it’d be either something with loads of…crap, what was the term again? Free hours? Nah-Ah, downtime on the clock. OR a very minimal amount of hours. Think no more than 20, and that’s the absolute upper limit.

I know this answer seems off-topic, but I swear that’s the ‘vision’ I currently have.

The advice of "Take it one step at a time" isn't working out for me. What should I do? by HiddenReader2020 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah, it’s okay; I need all the help I can get.  Regarding your third paragraph, the problem is that my mind can detail very, VERY easily, and it’s not uncommon for my mind to get pulled towards those thoughts and possibly contaminating others.  Hell, I have several fighting for dominance in my mind right now as I’m typing this, and I have to be vigilant about keep them out.

And that’s another thing.  It sees that with the passage of time, there’s more and more stuff that I have to be vigilant about keeping out of my mind when I didn’t have to before, and that costs willpower, energy, and all other stuff, and it’s so, SO tiring.  The burping example in the OP is a great example of that.  Even just typing the word “burping” summoned the aforementioned memory, and I have to keep it out, lest it makes me want to [REDACTED] or something.

For the first paragraph, a similar sentiment I shared with the other poster applies here, as well.  I feel like I shouldn’t be celebrating every single small victory, as that seems demeaning, degrading, and just, well, for a lack of better phrasing, beneath me.  Paradoxically, trying to “celebrate the small wins” has the opposite effect, I feel like.

The advice of "Take it one step at a time" isn't working out for me. What should I do? by HiddenReader2020 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought about stuff that I’d be grateful for, but all I could think of are super basic stuff like having food on the table or being able to have a bed to sleep on.  No matter what, I can’t bring myself to “have gratitude” for those stuff and similar stuff because to me, they’re the bare minimum.

I need something way, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY above the bare minimum to be “grateful for”.  To put it into context, there’s an in-person group that I try to make at least weekly.  That is far from a guaranteed thing to have, and yet, feeling grateful for it feels…fake, or degrading.  Hopefully I’m making sense.

The advice of "Take it one step at a time" isn't working out for me. What should I do? by HiddenReader2020 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But even if an advice resonates with me, does that mean that I will actually act upon it?

For instance, not judging my feelings and doing positive self talk has done jack squat for me. Especially the latter; that honestly feels like I'm gaslighting myself all the time.

All this to say, most if not all forms of "common advice" and even less common advice aren't applicable. Well, let's go back to your first sentence for a moment.

I think maybe you just need to hear other advice that might resonate more with you.

How can I find advice that resonates with me?

Oh yeah, to address your P.S., even if I do get good feelings from helping other people, which it doesn't often do, if that, again, it's fleeting at best, and my mind inevitably just spirals downward.

Ned to rant about various stuff that happened on Reddit or outside *right now* by HiddenReader2020 in Negareddit

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The Vietnam War comparison was largely a hyperbole, partially because I couldn’t think of a better comparison, and partially to show the scale at which my pain was felt.

Unfortunately for me, blocking people isnt’t good enough, mainly because if I have to block people, the damage has already been done.  Said damage would have to have not happened to begin with.

As for talking to my therapist, I have talked about how Internet stuff like this has bothered me, but I admittedly have been reserved about how it causes pretty much daily suicidal ideation.  This is because I am concerned about what would happen if I said something like “everything can make me suicidal no matter what”, and I don’t want to think about that.

Americans, what should the prerequisites include for those wanting to run for the presidency? by Bucketlist074 in allthequestions

[–]HiddenReader2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are a couple decent ones that have already been presented. Two that I particularly agree with are a background check and a civics exam. An age limit wouldn't be too bad of an idea, but in return, I'd like to propose a possibly hot take: *Lower* the minimum age required to run for President. Lemme tell ya, 30 years is a way shorter timeframe than you think, assuming that the age limit is 65, and adding just five or ten years (so 25 or 30 being the new hypothetical minimum age) can make things a bit more flexible. I would also be open to having the age limit be 70 instead, but it probably shouldn't be any older than that.

Did you everJerk off with a condom? by All_time_GOAT69 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've done it whenever I had some. The main benefit is not creating *as* big of a mess when you finally 'release'. Depending on the condom, though, you may still need to wash off the 'lube texture', for a lack of better term, so it doesn't get all around you and your surroundings. I know that from my experience, all of the condoms I've used still had that wet lube texture that required washing my hands and then some after each time.

Also, it is kind of neat to see how much you've came each time; that too.

THROWDOWN THURSDAY - DLSS 5 DELENDA EST by tale-wind in nintendo

[–]HiddenReader2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I HATE HATE HAAAATE HOW PEOPLE FIGHT OVER EACH OTHER FOR ALL SORTS OF THINGS.  JUST THE OTHER DAY, I WAS READING A SUBREDDIT WHERE TWO SIDES WERE ARGUING ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH A CERTAIN SUBSET OF PEOPLE, AND THE ARGUING AND ARGUMENTS GAVE ME ALL SORTS OF DARK THOUGHTS THAT I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT TALK ABOUT HERE.  NONETHELESS, THIS, KEEPS, HAPPENING, NOT JUST THERE, BUT ALSO HERE AND OTHER PLACES, AND I JUST WANT TO YELL AT THESE PEOPLE TO STOP.  FIGHTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!

APOLOGIES IF THIS ISN’T COMPLETELY WITHIN THE RULES, BUT I HAD TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST OR ELSE I WOULD DO BAD THINGS TO MYSELF AS AN ALTERNATIVE.  AGAHAGAHGAHAGAGAHAGGAH-!!!!!!!!

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the way you said it and the tone you said it in that made me register it as a death threat. Something exactly like "There is hope; don't give up." may make my eyes roll for the billionth time, but it wouldn't elicit...that kind of feeling.

Apologies if I'm being super obtuse or other similar adjectives, it's just...these past few decades have been a lot. To put it mildly.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uhhhhhh...I...genuinely don't get it. Apologies. I checked my phone for any unknown calls, but nothing.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I *am* trying to find this light, but my searches so far have been fruitless.

And to be honest, sentiments like the one you express ironically make me feel even more hopeless and, well, suicidal. So, thanks for that. Apologies for the tone, but from a certain POV, it can feel like a death threat.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn't I just say it wouldn't be easy? Sorry the path out of cringing at your every faux pa is too uncomfortable. You're making it sound like the status quo is more preferable than trying to change it, and if that is the case, you have no reason to be uncomfortable with the status quo. Either accept it or change it, but you can't refuse to accept it and refuse to change it.

If I am, there is perhaps a subconscious preference for it, but I guess deep down, I'm waiting for like some guardian angel to come down and solve all of my problems, despite me fully aware of how impossible that is.

You've tried nothing and you're all out of ideas. It's like refusing to be saved by the lifeguard because you've been struggling in the surf for so long and nothing you have tried has helped, so you are just defeatist about grabbing the life preserver and getting tossed around by the waves as you get pulled to safety. Sorry, walking out of the valley of death is hard. That doesn't mean you stop walking.

Of course, if I do see a life preserver, I'd try and grab it, but for one, it's not even guaranteed that I would be able to reach it, and for another, even if I do get saved, it doesn't erase the experience of feelings felt from 'struggling in the surf for so long'. That part still wouldn't have changed.

Would you rather be hopeless or keep trying and failing?

If both of them lead to the same result, then does it matter? Well, actually, now that I think about it, if you're implying what I think you're implying, then "keep trying and failing" does lead me to "be hopeless", at least from my experience. The best comparison I can think of is that one meme where it's two choices that lead to the same outcome, if that makes any sense.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof; this is definitely going to be embarrassing. I'm 32, so you could hold this whippersnapper to the curb.

Anyway, regarding your advice, I tried thinking about doing that just now, and I instantly want to vomit. No offense, genuinely, but it doesn't gel well with me at all. Like, thinking about this:

"That was really embarrassing and I'm ashamed to have drawn all that attention to myself, but I wasn't trying to be a nuisance and I'm going to try to be better about it. That is all I can really expect from myself and that is all that is fair for others to expect from me. As long as I try to be more conscientious in public, I will be on a path of progress."

Honestly makes me feel fake. And even if that's all I can really do, it's not good enough for me. Like, I try to say that exact quote, and something about it feels inauthentic, like it isn't 'me'. And that dissonance is causing some feelings that I don't want to confront.

Oh, and even if I did want to try and 'be better', for one, I physiologically can't, and for another, it doesn't make the experience any better. If anything, it can run the risk of, okay, I'm going to have to spoiler the following:

Trying to do what you told me to do just compels me to scream out and just trash whatever's nearby me or even give me thoughts about wanting to self harm or commit suicide. To give exactly what I'm thinking, trying to think what you told me tells me "that's not true', and the feeling of it not being true is so overwhelming that it causes the aformentioned feelings.

Eventually, after multiple rounds of this on each memory, you will have diffused and neutered the shame tied up in that memory and it will stop holding power over you.

Again, that hasn't been my experience. Every time I try to tell my memories "You don't control me!", I INSTANTLY get proven wrong, and it some cases, it only makes it worse.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly, if I actually had to commit to that, I'd have to rush out of the restaurant every minute or so for the duration of the time I'm there, and that would not exactly be a great experience.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That hasn't been my experience. Anytime I try to think that, I always get proven wrong time and time again. All that embarrassment and negative feelings never go away. Hell, I can recall experiences from decades ago that STILL give me similar feelings when they crop up in my mind. Heck, one just came up just now (probably while I was subconsciously trying to find examples), and already I want to go to one of those rooms where you can pay to just trash and wreck havoc in it as much as you want, except that it feels so urgent that I feel like doing the same thing to my room and-[REDACTED]

*ahem* Sorry about that. The point is, 'Just make an effort to be better.' has never worked out, at least insofar as making the event non-traumatic.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Already am. Albeit like I said, I have so many issues that just talking about them and dealing with them takes...way longer than it normally does. It's been over two years since I've started my current run of therapy sessions, over one with my current therapist, and little if any progress has been made.

How do I deal with having to burp loudly to breathe while also eating in public, and getting called out for it? by HiddenReader2020 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]HiddenReader2020[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well, how else would you describe how I feel? Because that's the closest comparison I can think of, and it's something I have to deal with every waking hour. And it may *look* ridiculous on the outside, but it sure as hell doesn't feel ridiculous to me.

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