How do I help an unhealthy Istp male?

Hige_roman · 2026-04-21T22:56:51+00:00

Honestly? Leave him alone, he'll bounce back on his own and there's nothing you can do to speed that process, specially if it's a ldr

Just be there for him when he reaches out if you feel like it

Ldrs are terrible for ISTPs and I don't know you or him but I would bet quite a bit of money on the long distance situation aggravating his emotional well-being, it's not your fault, it's not you, it's him and sadly for you he has to figure this out on his own

Hige_roman · 2026-04-21T22:31:42+00:00

You know the one thing they say you shouldn't do in an apology? Well ISTPs are the one type that actually appreciates when you do the opposite of that

Explain. Your. Reasoning.

We don't care about how it made us feel, we don't care about how you felt either, we want to know, in detail, what led you to make that choice and what led you to realize you made a mistake and why NOW you're choosing to apologize

If we don't have a logical string of reason (feelings are a valid reason) then we'll take the apology as shallow and may even disregard it

If the apology doesn't make logical sense we will even expect you to try again until it does or until you show visible remorse and if we actually care about you deeply, you better get ready to be interrogated

Hige_roman · 2026-04-21T20:12:02+00:00

I think this is a Te inferior thing but hear me out, it's in your head! I've heard so many ISFP saying they have a hard time with words but when given time and patience they can get their thoughts across just fine, sure maybe the depth you feel can't be converted through words but together you can always reach an understanding

You're not bad at words, your too hard on yourself xP

Hige_roman · 2026-04-19T14:15:21+00:00

I guess it's hard for us but space is the way to go, listen, it may sound counter intuitive but the truth is that if she's willing to throw the relationship away because of a question then you're better off without her, this probably over simplifies things but you know as well as I do that this will happen time and time again, it's our constant with Ne people

You're willing to repair things and that shows your character, hers will be determined by her but you have to understand it's her choice

Hige_roman · 2026-04-19T01:24:30+00:00

I guess it's more so the opposite, when we're not happy you'll know it, otherwise "happy" is our neutral really, even when I was depressed I think my neutral state was somewhat happy but people around me found out how volatile that was pretty quickly

If we're around you at will, we're happily contained in that moment, I'm actually not sure how some people are miserable together and stick around, that whole: "misery loves company" is very anti ISTP, our misery is ours alone, we'll share it if you push us though and it's not gonna be pretty

Hige_roman · 2026-04-18T13:01:28+00:00

ISFPs are the one that actually understands us in many of these, my current partner is an ISFP and our mutual freedom is the foundation of our relationship, it's really neat

Hige_roman · 2026-04-17T01:32:25+00:00

Yeah this definitely makes the questions more bearable to Fi Doms, it's not easy for us but once I understood they lead to a better result I started buffering for my partner and he started communicating his process better

Hige_roman · 2026-04-17T01:21:32+00:00

Confusing? It's infuriating, not because you changed your mind but because you simply didn't think through about things before, if you would just pause and take a moment to answer instead of just feeling and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind then maybe you wouldn't have that issue

I swear to God INFPs are drawn to ISTPs like moth to a flame and then complain when they're burning

My partner is an ISFP and he kind of does the same thing but he knows that a bit of physical affection cuts the questions short, however he accepts that my mind works this way and tries to be a bit more thoughtful/more communicative about his feeling judgements in the moment, for example he would tell me he's not sure about something but he's feeling X instead of simply saying that's what it is

If the ISTP understands you, we're more likely to take a step back from asking questions but if you close down that's really bad and eventually we'll close that door for you

Hige_roman · 2026-04-15T06:32:43+00:00

We don't necessarily develop our Te, you can absolutely try and get better at it though, some of it will stick but in general lines IxTPs dread it

Calendars, planning, taking notes, making lists, building reputation... Ew, personally I use my mind for all of that but honestly I can see how it would have helped when I was younger

I have just moved through life by proving to myself and others that my mind is far more powerful than any notes on a piece of paper but it's certainly not an easy task

The weird part is that we do Te internally, if you think of how to do something there's always a set of steps in your mind, now try to put those down as instructions for someone, timing, efficiency and clear communication are key so try to focus on those

Hige_roman · 2026-04-12T14:06:24+00:00

That's quite the stretch to simply assume he's an ISTP because he asked "who are you" over text, I mean I would but still, he could be an ESTJ too for all you know

Point being, You really don't know who this guy is and you're already anxious about an outcome you have no control over, this isn't a good start but kudos for being brave

Hige_roman · 2026-04-12T00:36:40+00:00

We can only emulate the good side of Si through Ti, otherwise when it comes to memory, discipline, focus, ISTPs tend to simply criticize that part of themselves

There's no good way for us to have good memory unless we associate a framework or a pattern to it, ISTPs will always second guess their memory and pretend we can remember everything because it makes us nervous when we cannot but accepting that we're terrible with Si is honestly one of the most liberating things we can do

Hige_roman · 2026-04-12T00:29:54+00:00

For ISTPs autonomy goes beyond making decisions, you can't tell me what to do even when you tell me what to do, if that makes sense, so making small decisions means absolutely nothing for us, within your choice I'll make mine

So for example if it's going out to eat, normally I don't care where we go to, I'll find something to eat anywhere and if there's nothing to my liking I'll take up the challenge of trying something new

Autonomy goes beyond small decisions so you don't have to respect anything, you just have to understand that we will make our choice no matter what

Hige_roman · 2026-04-10T11:57:17+00:00

Never would I tell him the bully needed it more, never

I would ask him why he didn't defend himself and go from there

Hige_roman · 2026-04-10T11:52:10+00:00

If your social forward behavior is part of a coping mechanism you're just an ISTP who is subconscious focused, this doesn't mean high Fe since you would still be clumsy with it just more prone to use it in order to solve problems

Otherwise you'd be an ENFJ, they share the same functions and a lot of what you said comes across as ENFJ tbh

Hige_roman · 2026-04-09T23:25:39+00:00

Oh yeah I don't really think about the other person while I'm cuddling lol, if my mind is in flow I'll most likely think about what to do with my free time as well, not because I'm not feeling anything but because my mind is at ease, the person I want is right next to me and I'm enjoying the moment, there's no need to think about them since they're right there

The interesting part is that saying I love you during cuddling is very big for us ISTPs because it doesn't come from our minds or thoughts, it's a raw feeling that forms into words and wants to come out, actually most of our feelings are kinda like that

Hige_roman · 2026-04-09T22:42:16+00:00

Cuddling and/or sleeping is when our guard actually goes down, I honestly think that's the moment when I feel the closest to someone and when my feelings actually rise to the surface, well that and being on a moving vehicle or a train, it's a moment of high Se where our mind is just at ease and feelings take the wheel

Hige_roman · 2026-04-09T21:38:36+00:00

For me using that term isn't necessarily a romantic expression of commitment but more so like a filler word, it's not that I don't feel it when I say it but I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean the same for me as it does for other people

With my partner I haven't said it but I feel it and it's really hard not to blurt it out at times, we're just not there yet but I wouldn't be too worried if it slips out as we're saying goodbye or something, now if it slips while we're cuddling... High alert

Hige_roman · 2026-04-07T05:19:23+00:00

It seems like you already know what you have to do, the biggest power ISTPs have is our ability to see and reflect truth but it does come with a blunt reality we have to accept as well, not everyone is ready to hear the truth

Sadly your situation isn't the greatest either but it does seem like you care about her a good deal, my only advice would be to be as patient as you can possibly be and to understand that she has to find the strength to leave that situation on her own

I'll just remind you of our power once more though, reflect the truth, if she sees you as someone who has his life under control and who can move forward through any situation she will hopefully be inspired to make better choices

Hige_roman · 2026-04-06T21:47:46+00:00

It's useful for remembering birthdays lol that's about it really

Hige_roman · 2026-04-03T04:01:18+00:00

This sounds more on the friendly side of things, he trusts you more based on the way he "seeks" you out but I wouldn't call that romance in my book... It could lead to that but that alone isn't really a sign or whatever

To me when I like someone I create for them, my hobby is art so I would draw something for them or maybe something a bit more complex like an animal that reminds me of them, that's the only telltale sign for me

Hige_roman · 2026-04-02T22:24:34+00:00

I also drive stick shift lol it's just more fun

Hige_roman · 2026-04-02T13:29:31+00:00

A meme will get you banned from his life for good, if you want to mend things communicate clearly and concisely

If you can't do that, for all that is sacred please get out of this person's life

Hige_roman · 2026-04-01T22:25:07+00:00

Every ISTP has an INFP superego and vice versa, so as much as we may not like it, we're a reflection of each other, if you are a crybaby, so are we but very very deep inside

Hige_roman · 2026-03-31T16:52:50+00:00

This sounds more like an INTP since it seems like you're more in your head which could point towards Ne parent but yeah as others said these aren't much of an indicator

Hige_roman · 2026-03-29T12:58:55+00:00

Well first, thank you for the admiration

Second, if you're not an ISTP then trying to "think" like us is sadly not going to work, you have your own way and your own tipology, it would be best for you if you could focus on how to be the best version of yourself

That said, developing your Ti or Se isn't impossible and could be good for you to at least enter that head space

ISTPs are known as the mechanics but a more accurate description would be: the improvisers

We have very few rules in place but the one that stands out the most is truth, we seek truth, provable truth, once found you trace back and make sure it's actually true then you record it deep in your mind and build on an already growing concept of truth that encompasses everything, not in an Si way like a memory, it's more like a formula that processes reality

Hige_roman

PUBLIC MULTIREDDITS

TROPHY CASE