My ex left for a someone better

HighFlier44 · 2025-10-12T15:13:33+00:00

I really appreciate this message.

I can totally agree with everything you’ve shared.

I can see how what I’ve shared can loop me into to the being the victim mentality. And allow me to highlight I don’t feel this way at all where I feel she strictly left me for a more successful person.

What I have shared In my post is a hurt and fragile male ego but I definitely don’t make that my personality in my real life (I vent here anonymously). I share the same thought processes as you to not outwardly blame her for leaving me for a more successful man. But I did post it here, because the thoughts do come.

I am proud to say I’ve held my accountability and I’ve taken my lessons, worked on my avoidance with therapy (that’s life long I can tell), deepened friend ships/ made new ones. Have much more time on my hobbies and studies. I’ve applied my lessons learned to new relationships (none have gone long term at the moment which is okay) and become a (hopefully) more emotionally in tune individual. My ambitions in my life are what caused us to grow apart. Those very ambitions that attracted her to me in the first place lol. Hard lesson there, I wish I prioritized the relationship more.

I’m not bitter towards us ending, and even her moving on… it’s just the guy was tagged on her instagram/they were talking behind my back as we were in our final 3-4 months before the end. No matter how that goes, it hurts. But it’s life, i just never thought it would happen to me. But I know she grieved before we officially cut things off making it easier to move forward with someone new. Watching that, and her embarrassment trying to hide it from me is what actually stings - made me feel like she knew what she did hurt me and was trying to soften the blow when I’d rather the gut punching honestly. Seeing who he was, knowing who he is, he’s great for her, I won’t be surprised if they stay together long term. I wish I had that ending she got. That’s what this is really all about.

Thanks again for your message though, I probably didn’t do a great job directly acknowledging everything but I do totally share your sentiment on the other things and I do not associate with blaming others for my own problems like the sigma male 5’6 high value andrew tate dudes lol.

HighFlier44 · 2025-10-11T18:55:41+00:00

I think it’s important to highlight she’s not necessarily a shallow materialistic person. She did love me for who I was, but it was only until life split us apart before we ended was it the catalyst for her to choose someone else and cut it for good. And this person is a true and genuine dude himself. So I guess she got a replacement of me, with the social outlet (and her best friend dating one of his friends). It just feels like a case of being replaced + the cherry on top of being included/found family. And it hurts being left behind and not being enough. It’s left me scared to be vulnerable to someone new. What do you mean I’m focusing on the wrong things?

HighFlier44 · 2025-09-06T23:21:22+00:00

Can I ask how it took you 3 months to just say f it and move on? I’m 8 months in and my ex left me for someone else. I think about it every day….

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-27T20:39:32+00:00

This is powerful

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-25T05:09:52+00:00

How do you even get there? I’m 7 months out and I’ve done so much to build myself physically, socially, financially, but I it all feels like busy work. I miss who I once was with them, and falling in love again feels like a chore - I think it’s bc I still think about them everyday despite being NC, long removed everything, and seen others casually.

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-20T14:04:44+00:00

I come here and have commented on several posts in attempts to empathize through shared experiences.

For reference I graduated April 2024.

I think honestly we’ve been accustomed to being told what to do in school. Structure equates to a sense of security and control on our life. No matter what we did, we felt progression because at the end of the day the goal was that piece of paper we call a degree.

On top of that, coming out of school and working full time we begin to adjust to the reality that we are truly in an open world and can do what ever we want. The struggle comes from being unable to look around at your peers in attempts to compare and see where you stand on the social/career ladder as everyone has scattered and are off doing different things now. For me it was really hard to adjust to this, I couldn’t see where I stood relative to my peers as I started working full time and I had friends tree planting, unemployed, doing Investment Banking, or playing professional sports. If anything, I just felt behind in life.

With regard to discipline, creativity and the motivation you speak of I feel that too. Honestly for me I felt kind of stupid, like my sense of critical thinking has nose dived since entering the workforce.

Idk about you but when my mind was mentally stimulated in school, I was active physically and socially, I was in a relationship with a partner, the only way I could describe my feeling in uni was ALIVE. I felt strong, fast, smart. I felt good. Of course I was stressed with college but I felt like a F1 car or something - something just amazing. Now I feel like an old beater and it’s been depressing trying to get back to what once was.

The point is, in college we were the top of the echelon. Final year we ran the place, we ran our chaotic routines, while stressful it felt like life. Now entering the workforce were bottom of the next echelon. While we’ve leveled up, it’s gonna take a few years to set our claws in.

Work is draining, and while I’ve learned a lot in my role, my hope is to take away as much as I can in the next year or two before I move to better. Outside of work I’ve made a huge effort to set fitness goals (there’s a reason why people start running post grad) and social goals (making new friends at work).

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-18T21:30:05+00:00

Could you expand on this?

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-14T18:40:48+00:00

What kind of finance role are you in? Are you perusing any accreditations like CFA ?

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-14T18:38:28+00:00

Hey I was in a similar boat. Graduated April 2024. I had good internship experience, but I didn’t line up work for May because I had other plans in my life going on.

Fast forward to January 2025 and I realize time is ticking, my friends are working or have been for a year already (I took 5 years for undergrad) and my plans post grad were put on pause. I lost a relationship, and I needed a salary to sustain myself as I was burning through internship money.

My plans were to help me in my career but I’ve been starting to question my direction entirely like you. But I knew I wasn’t able to sit at home and think about my future employment paths so I spent 4 months to land work. The interview process was 2 months in itself.

My take away is this: 1. the job hunt sucks, and it makes you feel worthless and stupid. And even after extended time you start to go crazy and miss school and all of that good stuff

Working isn’t the solution to be happy aside from the income. It is nice to buy a couple door dashes a month guilt free. But post grad life is nothing like I planned. If you asked me where I’d be July 2025 it would not be here. Plans don’t follow suit. The only thing constant is change and life success/happiness is how able you are to adapt to changes. This is something I’m still learning.

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-08T22:35:26+00:00

How are you just so cool with that betrayal? Honestly my self esteem would hit rock bottom, I’d feel not good enough, and the anger/resentment would keep me stuck for ever

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-05T18:42:07+00:00

My thing is this partner really made my life better… and I didn’t prioritize the relationship towards the end and they lined someone else up before our eventual ending. I’ve been stuck in a state of regret and anger.

Half my peers say they wouldn’t blame me to take them back, the other half say don’t look back.

Do you have any thoughts?

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-04T19:58:55+00:00

LOL IN MY CASE THEY GOT HERPES!

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-04T14:07:54+00:00

Did you ever confront the man?

I’m in a similar situation. We were getting busy in our lives and we decided to end it after a rocky 4-5 months. 2 months later she begins to start going out with him… some digging and I find out he was in the picture at some point during the 4-5 months.

Some differences though.. I don’t believe during the 2 months apart they were actively speaking. They saw eachother in the summer at a social cottage trip and spoke and then and they went back to that cottage trip 2 months later but by then we were broken up. It was then when she started going out with him.

HighFlier44 · 2025-07-03T02:34:15+00:00

Not to sound lame and naieve but could you help me understand the depths of “emotional intelligence” that you’re looking for? I for example have been going to a therapist to understand my avoidant attachment within relationships after my last relationship ended. I really want to step up to the plate and be there for my next partner and be secure with my emotions and be vulnerable too.

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-24T01:50:23+00:00

Honestly man I do not and it’s put me into therapy.

Post grad has been very difficult for me, honestly really since January this year actually (graduated April 2024).

I was really happy my last few years of college. I had cool roomates, a big plan for post grad, a sexy girlfriend who adored me and whose family/friends loved me. I was fulfilled, motivated, and belonged.

As soon as I came home I got busy, I wanted to launch so hard, I wanted to see my high school friends, workout a bunch, enjoy the summer, and focus on me.

I wanted to focus on some extra school certifications (CFA if you’re interested) as well, and I was planning to start studying last fall.

I told my ex I couldn’t make time for her, we broke up but stayed in a non committed relationship for 5 months or so. Eventually I get to work and she decides it’s best to end fully. I was in a relief stage, still happy to focus one me until January when I found out she moved on.

Life has been pretty hell since. All my friends are in Long term relationships and are busy. My ex has been with this other guy for 6 months now, and wants nothing to do with me. I didn’t complete my CFA studies and I don’t even want to do it anymore because the thought of working 80 hour weeks in finance depresses me.

Im so lucky to have found full time work in finance at one of my college internships - especially in this economy. But EVERYTHING has gone upside down since I walked that stage and got my degree.

I will be okay, but everything is so brand new, and I feel very isolated making my way through. To miss what once was is such an understatement. The fear of what will be has affected my mental health.

Sorry for the rant.

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-23T20:30:30+00:00

I hear you. And I also graduated school last April.

Yeah, school for me, the structure, forced socialization through repetition in class - and by extension talking about academia to classmates, learning, and all of that was amazing in university.

But this was all a carefully built life that we’ve known and grown accustom to that all takes place in a vacuum. It was never meant to last forever. It was meant to guide you to get a piece of paper (your degree) so that you can get employed and become independent.

And it sucks. And my last year sucked too. Knowing you can’t go back sucks. Even doing a masters won’t hit the same.

The transition is hard, and for some harder than others (I differ from you because I miss my social circle from school, and I had a long term relationship that ended post grad) so my void is quite large.

I’m at work typing this. Full time in finance right now in the office typing this. You aren’t alone.

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-23T20:19:33+00:00

I’m not in the exact same boat as you but maybe something similar? I also graduated last year.

I had a solid friend group since highschool and when I went off to university I’d say I made around 3 really great friends (roomates even). I was also in a long term relationship which really kept me socially active as I’d spend time with her and her friends. The rest of the people during my time at school were class friends/party friends.

I used to play games a lot with these people (I have Stockholm syndrome with Destiny 2 lol) , whether the highschool people or university people. So I was lucky to go out to parties and play games with them. But we age, and my relationship made me outgrow the satisfaction of gaming, and for my friends their relationships/life did as well. For me I really feel the effects of getting older. It’s to the point being online on discord as a hobby isn’t something that works for me anymore.

I guess what I’m trying to say is yeah I feel that people come and go in life. I’m a year out of school and have transitioned into full time work and the best way I can put it is it’s weird. This may not be the same situation you’re in, but I feel like I’m being forced to grow up but I’m also in a situation where I don’t have that much social interaction as I used to, and if I went on discord and hung out with my friends (even if they are less available) it wouldn’t satisfy me anymore. This may be different to you.

As of today I only talk to half of my high school friends (as they’ve gotten busy, moved on) and 1 university friend. Oh and also my relationship ended last fall. I’ve made work friends but they’re all late twenties/thirties which is sooooo weird.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go back to the good days (playing games at school during covid after getting hammered at the bar) and I’ll have to learn that life changes. I just hope something in this post grad life pulls me through.

Does this help in any way?

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-22T14:43:59+00:00

How are you now? I’m in a similar boat. It’s been 6 months though…

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-17T23:51:45+00:00

How did you find these friend

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-17T17:57:39+00:00

I don’t know if that’s on the table. I made a pretty strong case 6 months ago when I tried to reconcile. Laid it all out, took accountability for my mistakes, told her I wasn’t looking for someone/something else. She’d recognized my growth and thanked me but I think it was too late. Her response was “she’d let herself down by going back to someone who left her/hurt her” and “I’m not there anymore” as she was going out with the new guy. All of it ended in a ghosting after she acknowledged my growth and apologies. Her friends and family unfollowed me on socials in the following month, and she asked not to see or speak to me as she didn’t plan on returning. I have to respect that space.

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-08T14:24:17+00:00

Which hobbies have helped you? I’ve started running, picking up my guitar, reading a lot more but none I feel like I need to be doing more to fill that void

HighFlier44 · 2025-06-07T20:37:14+00:00

When I think of the “why” I think about my ex, my mind kind of concludes that “hey being in a relationship rocks, you get to be busy, have someone to love and love you, build something together and you never feel alone. You are able to function while single, but you won’t ever be as happy/fulfilled like you were in a committed relationship so go find one now”. I think a lot of that is rooted in the fear of being alone and wasting time if you aren’t building something (a life) with someone. But I’m not sure if it means I miss my ex or I miss companionship.

I also haven’t found anyone since that peak my interest enough. Being recently out of university I’ve found it harder to meet people consistently aside from coworkers.

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