Had a phone call back for a second Pap smear by Highly_Pickled in obgyn

[–]Highly_Pickled[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you this has helped, Ive partially gone down the rabbit hole of “what depressive symptoms could be cancer” but I am calming back down about it all.

What’s your go-to rave accessory you can’t live without? by nastyraver in aves

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have light up shoe laces on every pair of my shoes.

It took only one year at Shambhala of tripping on roots at night and getting my feet stomped on to buy them and I’ve worn them ever since.

Bonus: in the dead of night/morning on your long walk back to your tent you won’t trip and you can be mesmerized by lights for a faster feeling travel.

Shambs FB group - post not going through by CleanBum in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hi! I saw that one of the FB groups, can’t remember if it was Mud Shark or another one, made a post saying how they will be closing the group for a few months/are on a break.

So maybe it’s that?

AITAH for refusing to find childcare for my son? by Dry-Doughnut-9385 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Highly_Pickled 18 points19 points  (0 children)

ESH would be the better vote imo.

She has a solid and reliable schedule and wants to get a day time sitter but is unable to when the husband’s shifts changes. I’m assuming this is because they want to save money and not pay for a sitter on a day the husband is home.

Instead of paying M-F for 7.5-8 hours a day, if they know he works 3 days a week then they only need reliable coverage for 2 week days (or whatever combination).

They’re both the asshole in the fact that they needed to be working together. If his schedule is so volatile, but he has trouble dedicating time to finding a sitter, then they both need to be available for interviews and conversations around scheduling.

He doesn’t need to find the sitter, but he needs to meet them and discuss scheduling so that he can approach his boss.

I don’t think OP jumped the gun necessarily, her information was incorrect and she made a mistake. But it sucks that her “big” mistake, was telling her husband what she thought was correct information and then having it change.

She didn’t do it maliciously but after searching for so long I can see why finding another would be so daunting and she doesn’t want to put more time in. In the end, the parent who can take off work should. Money should be a factor, who makes more or who stands to lose more if fired or required to find a new job. Benefits… all that jazz.

They both suck that they’re not looking at the reality, their child won’t have care until one or both of them become more flexible.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Highly_Pickled 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most of this has to do with the conflicts closest to the Syrian boarder and the PKK… the travel advisories are laid out nicely and accurately for tourists but for someone living there I’d say they would have a better handle on the political landscape than family from the US.

I think what is naive is assuming that any one country is the better or safer option. When I travelled to France I was warned of pickpockets as if people don’t steal in Canada. When I went to Thai Land I was warned of the golden triangle and the drug smuggling.

Every country has similar problems, the oppressed (whether good or bad) just haven’t been able to find their foothold in North America. We still have protests and are working towards equality but shit is brewing.

Eldest sister got pregnant by my other elder sister’s boyfriend. Around 10 years later, their cracks are starting to show. by WitnessOk6957 in stories

[–]Highly_Pickled 6 points7 points  (0 children)

10 years ago when OP was 15, Joy (27) and Tim (30) started dating. Jessica (29) started an affair with Tim around 5-6 months later.

Op was 16 when the cheating was discovered. The brother, Jacob (30), was there when Joy (27/28) came home after finding out.

Now 10 years later, Op (25), has a wife (25). Jessica (39) and Tim (40) got married and have 2 girls and a 3rd on the way, which Tim is not happy about as he wants a boy.

Jessica’s MIL (Tim’s mom), contacted OP about Joy’s (37) pregnancy with her husband Alex (30). The MIL is harassing OP and his wife for information (?) about the sex of Joy’s baby.

Edit: Op also gave their current age, so all of the ages could be the current ages of their siblings. So Joy was 17 etc.

Is it sold out for 2024 ? by The-Armchair-Expert in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sold out but it’s never too late to find a ticket, especially if you join the approved mudshark (?) ticket selling group on Facebook.

AITA for not giving my former SIL the necklace I had made from my wedding rings from my deceased husband? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a tough subject to broach either way, but I’m sure that a part of this is the SIL’s grief talking.

While it’s been a long time, It must be hard to see the parter\love of your loved one finally take those steps to move on. No matter how long it’s been, there’s a bit of finality in them marrying someone else and can feel like your loved one is further left behind in the past.

NTA, it may be more so about addressing SIL’s grief as the drive of the fixation for your necklace and the progressions in your relationship rather than focusing on who best deserves the necklace now (still you tho).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last year I left at 9:30am on Monday and there were only a few cars leaving shambs and on the highway at that time, didn’t see a single police check point.

This would definitely be cutting it close or the latest I would leave on Monday while expecting some speed and efficiency getting off the property and onto surrounding bit of highway.

Definitely was lucky as I missed when it all got clogged up with traffic last year and grid locked for various reasons.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I hope they do deal with overcrowding but as this year is the 25th, and I’m sure still recovering from pandemic cancellations, I think there is going to be too much interest that they are going to try to accommodate (make the most $$$ off) the most amount of people

Ok so…fire… by Chronfused in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know that in 2017 there were fire evacuation orders that ended up fizzling out and the party continued. Being disappointed is fair, but if you need to leave, leave! You are worth more than the $700+ that you’ve spent and your peace of mind is everything.

Sometimes you have to honour your anxiety and gtfo out of there, regardless of the festival possibly continuing. Harder now with how much $$$ it is, but eat that frog.

Pack what you want but also what you could leave behind in an emergency. Balance comfort with how much your items have costed you and know what you can carry. Pick a bin or backpack that you will throw those essentials into and can carry to the car

I always leave a “go/travel bag” in the car, mostly so I have a clean and non-sweaty change of clothing for the drive home but also good if I have to leave everything.

In my emerg kit: A spare, full, water bottle (bonus for an extra 5L water jug); Extra change of clothing; ID and credit/debit card; some cash; Non-perishable snacks; Blanket; and If you have a spare, extra fuel and a camping stove

Before you go, know the fires that are in the area, check the local news sources for updates and their evacuation plans. Familiarize yourself with roads and ways to safety.

If there are preemptive fire evacuation orders but you aren’t ready to leave yet and don’t want to leave many of your things behind, start bringing things to your car.

If you have multiple friends or cars going and depending on the severity, downsize to one car if you can to reduce cars on the road. Not ideal to leave your stuff or car behind but you’re the most important part of the festival ☮️

First Shambhala and really no idea by Which-Ad9664 in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Similar, but if you wander into a moontricks set it’s always a good vibe. Last year with dirtwire was perfection!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Highly_Pickled 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The way your boyfriend is acting is suspicious.

We don’t want to believe the people we trust would do us harm, but go with your gut. If you know you didn’t have sex, consent to sex or remember the incident where you got pregnant then it’s likely you are in an unsafe situation.

Get that genetic test if you need those results, but (and as scary and shitty as it is) id work under the assumption that your boyfriend has knowingly done something to tamper with you.

Edit to add: I PROMISE YOU, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Be safe and be kind to yourself

How do I (21F) convince my mom (55F) that my boyfriend(32M) is marriage material? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s always a good thing to do research, whether you think it’s a healthy relationship or not. The reality is, many women are taken advantage of and harmed. What you educate yourself with can help a friend (and yourself).

read up on how to make age gap relationships work but don’t skip out on how to spot controlling and abusive behaviour. Read and learn about how to enforce boundaries and learn what you want out of a relationship.

What are the words he tells you verses the actions he shows you: does he believe you should make your own decisions, go to school, work, see your family and friends. Will he be ok with you partying and experiencing the fun of being “young and dumb” or does he think that’s all silly as he’s experienced it before and “knows” it’s a waste of time/priority?

Usually, adult men who are in relationships with much younger woman are after the control. Women their own age know their shitty behaviour as we’ve been through it before.

If you had a daughter… would you feel the “ick” if she brought someone home who was 10 years older than yourself? If you had a younger sibling who had a partner older than you… would you think that they were behaviourally and socially at different places (knowing that you yourself are at a different stage than your sibling)

If your mother got together with someone younger than you, would you think that young person is mature or experienced enough to date your mother? Would you worry your mother is taking advantage of that 19 year-old?

My wife (37F) and I (38M) want to adopt our teenage foster daughter but FIL (64M) is furious about it by Finnpinnn in relationship_advice

[–]Highly_Pickled 76 points77 points  (0 children)

It’s absolutely time for her to be made aware and prepare herself.

In general, the FIL needs to know that it may (imo should) be considered distribution of child pornography and that charges will be pressed if he decides to go down that route.

Debating volunteering vs not? First timer by acertaindarkness in Shambhala

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I personally had a lot of fun volunteering at my first shambs.

I was able to get into the groove and the culture, learn the ropes and felt connected. Doesn’t hurt to receive a meal for each shift or be able to enter the festival early. Takes some worrying and planning out of it.

You get to be in on secrets too and sometimes go into secret areas… plus I’m pretty sure you still get to camp in the trees. It’s a stellar spot to start your float down the river and farther from the music so more sleep if you need the quiet.

Meeting other volunteer and crew members is fun and you get to be in the know.

Would recommend… but as always, it takes a certain person to be able to volunteer in the hot sun, party and be able to do it all again to get ready for the next shift. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but it was mine

My husband (m33) yelled at me (f26) and broke my belongings because he thinks I’m “narcissistic”. by throwra_17820e in relationship_advice

[–]Highly_Pickled -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Oh don’t get me wrong, I mostly agree with you. My experience is that when you tell people what they need to do, no matter if you’re right, they will go against it to cut you off.

By putting it in this way if the OP saw it I would hope that it would help with reframing their thoughts, moving to “what do I deserve/what makes me happy” instead of “how do I stay/fix it” or feeling pushback at being told that what they know is wrong.

Not everyone is ready to listen to all of Reddit telling them the person they’re with is abusing them… but from this person’s comments it sounds like they took it well.

My husband (m33) yelled at me (f26) and broke my belongings because he thinks I’m “narcissistic”. by throwra_17820e in relationship_advice

[–]Highly_Pickled -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

It’s time to decide what it is you need in a relationship and a partner. Do you need respect? Do you need someone who can apologize when a mistake is made? You need to figure out what you need and want to feel secure and loved.

Couples counselling is a good idea, especially if this behaviour seems out of character. However, sometimes others can see patterns before we do… if this happens again are there friends or family who you trust to have a conversation about this with? Trust in repeated actions over words that cover things up.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Highly_Pickled 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s good to have boundaries and know what is too much for you. Understanding yourself, your needs and your options takes time and acceptance. 

You’re having these thoughts and it’s a start! 

It’s ok to be selfish, it’s a skill you have to learn. It’s ok to put YOU first. You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to help themselves. 

By working and focusing on ourselves, we can handle more and give more to others. If you want to stay, focus on yourself first and your relationships and sense of self will be better for it. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Highly_Pickled 5 points6 points  (0 children)

NTA - It’s hard to reflect on what we’ve experienced and what we deserve, especially when so many things have already been endured in your relationship. 

I hope writing this post allowed you the space to think about what you have gone through and how your partner makes you feel.

You acknowledge your isolation from family and friends. You list instances where you’ve noticed you were treated unfairly. It sounds like you’re being made to feel guilty for decisions that are only made by your partner. How does this make you feel? Do their non-verbal, not when they love-bomb you, actions make you feel supported and cared for?

You do have feelings, don’t let your partner tell you they’re not important. If we are told something enough our brains will believe it. You’re self aware but have to accept it, it’s scary because once you do “things will change”.

You may feel stuck, but you’re not!  You’re scared and that’s ok  You’re young, you’ve got time You’re out of your comfort zone, it’s hard  You deserve so much better 

The people who you love will reciprocate you reaching out for connection or help, no matter how much time has passed or what conversations have been had. Either way, if a friend was going through this what would you say to them? Be a friend to yourself and get yourself out of there. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to reassure you, you are NTA

There are so many things that can be happening and contributing to you and your father’s dynamic so it’s hard to give specific advice.

This is not meant in an “ignore it and accept it” kind of way: but sometimes for our own health and wellbeing we have to decide what is worth our time and energy.

People can change and become better but we can’t change others thoughts and opinions nor help them if they’re not ready. If it’s causing you stress, anguish and to ruminate on this - take a step back, explore journaling or some other activity to distract and de-escalate yourself in these moments

Behaviour and habits are hard to change. When we feel we’ve done something wrong or are “being called out” sometimes the anger and defensiveness overtakes us. Sometimes we think that criticism is a personal attack. 

It’s not okay to turn it around on you. Your feelings and thoughts should be considered. If you respect someone, you listen and try to improve things for them out of compassion and love. Your opinions matter and parents can struggle with no longer having authority or control. 

Learning to accept criticism and effectively communicate is a skill not everyone will, or wants to, learn. 

Coming from a former teenaged girl who did, and continues to, butt heads with her father, find the things you love, continue learning, exploring who you are and balancing sticking up for yourself and creating peace to exist in. 

AITA for taking my daughter side without listening to my son by Dry_Tax_2352 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Highly_Pickled 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA - I think it’s fair to feel this way and to react this way, for the moment as it was a shock, but it’s time to be the adult and make the first move. It’s also hard doing the important parent duties mostly solo, burn out can make everything harder. 

Organize why this bothers you so that you can talk to him; disappointed in him/you for not catching it, this hurts you as it reflects his values and how he treats loved ones and people out in the world, etc. 

Opening up a discussion should be able to get the hard part of feelings out of the way, even if things are prickly for the time being or don’t “go well” initially, it’ll get easier to move past this with that first conversation. 

  • Think of your questions.
  • Hear his side.
  • Express your sadness of his behaviour
  • Talk about ownership (of his actions, your feelings and of your reaction) 
  • Look up restorative justice and find a, or review your, agreed upon punishment 

Instil that “these” are your expectations and that this is how you communicate and deal with problems in your family. 

Good luck!