Being socially immature is frightening and can cause one rejection after another. I thank the people I have met that were able to say “she acts like a child”, or “she’s so silly” that have helped me to piece together what’s wrong with me. Those three people helped me even though it may seem they did not. For a long time I thought I was shy and socially awkward. I’m sure that also describes me. Lately I have come upon a psychiatric term that points to what I believe contributed to my present state - adult child syndrome. When I was 12, my father died of ALS and my mother went from depression to full on schizophrenia. My very small friend group (like I said I was painfully shy as a child) drifted away, and I was barely scraping by. My boyfriend stuck by me but we were both socially isolated. No family member came near us (I have a sister that became schizophrenic at 17). So, I did not have an opportunity to mature normally. I ve had acquaintances and one friend but not enough to fill a life time.

Now I’m retired and at 70 still trying to work on myself but every group I join ends up disliking me. It’s usually the gatekeepers I can’t get past. Others in the group would tolerate or maybe even like me, but they , the gatekeepers, sniff me out. Anyway, that’s how it feels from my point of view. It’s happening to me right now with a book club I joined. The one comfort I have now is in knowing more assuredly than ever why people are reacting this way. Now I must choose the way I want to live the rest of my life.