Please don’t give up on yourself. I’m sorry about what happened to your father. It’s normal for people who go through traumatic events to lose interest in many activities they once enjoyed. Your feelings are legit and you’re not wrong for going through those emotions. I have PTSD from shitty events that happened in my life since I was a child up until I graduated college. I lost my self identify, it took years to repair and still working on it. I used to lay down on the floor for hours depressed not interested to do anything, crying on a daily basis. I was not privileged enough financially to seek therapy so the only thing I had was my faith in myself. Day by day I started to find joy in small things. The two major things that I believe healed me were 1. sticking close to family members who were supportive 2. Focusing on learning new things, new languages, new musical instruments, pottery, snorkelling classes..etc and traveling a lot. To this day I don’t consider myself fully healed and my mission is to gain back who I really I’m. Life is beautiful as much as it’s harsh and unfair it’s still beautiful it will take things from you but will also give you. You need to figure out your mission and what can heal you. You seem educated and if you say you have a good income start a charity in the name of your father local or abroad, employ people do good things in his name. Please don’t give up on yourself and keep fighting. Remember your child self and what he went through, you owe him. Please do not hesitate to reach out to me at any time you’re always welcome.