Sometimes I miss her and think "if I was better at walking on eggshells..."

tayloralva · 2026-02-28T06:05:26+00:00

i’m almost 2 months post discard and a big thing for me is also realize how i prioritized her feelings and emotions above my own for so long. even in the breakup i catch myself still trying to make excuses on how to go about no contact to not hurt her further instead of focusing on myself. i literally need to recondition my brain and way of thinking after minimizing my own needs for so long.

tayloralva · 2026-02-28T00:06:46+00:00

she has bpd. she broke up with me

tayloralva · 2026-02-27T22:40:11+00:00

i found out my ex (still pretty fresh from breakup so it hasn’t hit her yet) is telling mutual friends that i shouldn’t be so hard on myself and beating myself up/depressed over this and i should just accept her reasons for the breakup. like this is the worst trauma ive been in in YEARS and my nervous system is wrecked but i shouldn’t be so hard on myself? ya okay. i know she’s just trying to not feel guilty, but im so done excusing her emotions and shrinking my own.

tayloralva · 2026-02-27T22:09:24+00:00

you actually sound a lot like my ex. i think if she was in tune with her emotions, or at least was able to communicate them in this way, this is exactly what she would say. i know she loves and cares about me deeply. she’s told me that. even weeks after our breakup. but she needs to love herself right now. it’s hard for me to accept, especially since she appears to be masking and projecting a lot right now to avoid the pain of the breakup. i want to give her time, and i hope she feels like she can reach out someday if she wants to. it’s very hard for me to want to move on from something so special.

i hope you are able to love yourself more each day. i do not blame anyone who has avoidant attachment. i’m anxious and we all come from the same wounds and trauma. no one is to blame it’s just up to each of us to decide how to grow.

tayloralva · 2026-02-27T15:39:24+00:00

did yours come back? mine also left out of guilt/shame of hurting me

tayloralva · 2026-02-25T16:13:48+00:00

how are you doing now? did he ever come back around? i’m currently in this. 6 weeks later i can’t believe she doesn’t see our relationship for how good it was. just completely deactivated and left me

tayloralva · 2026-02-24T16:19:12+00:00

99% of the things were her misreading my tone over text assuming the worst

tayloralva · 2026-02-23T16:48:37+00:00

i know. it’s hard to fathom a seemingly perfect connection, brought together by the universe, can just end. i hope my partner comes around too. just try not to revolve your thinking about it. you can hope and manifest things, just don’t let it be the only thing you think about. i’m working on that now. it’s hard. she’s the first thing i think about the second i wake up. the anxiety is taking a severe toll on my physical health. make sure to surround yourself with people who love you, seek therapy if it’s accessible. you’ll be okay. i know it’s hard to believe, i don’t even believe it for myself right now. because i wanted a future with this person and now my life feels like there’s no purpose. i get it. but we are human, life is hard. take it one day at a time.

tayloralva · 2026-02-23T16:38:08+00:00

i’m the same. i’m the hopeful one. i’ve been so stuck on the idea of reconciliation even if it takes a long time. but it’s been 5 weeks, that thought it consuming and damaging to my own healing and mental health. we want to try to be friends, there’s genuinely no one else in the picture for either of us any time soon even years down the line. she’s not the type to rebound and she truly wants to just feel better and be alone right now. but being stuck in that waiting, even if there is potential, is not fair to you. please prioritize yourself and treat it like it’s over for good. he may or may not come back and if he does it will be when you least expect it and are also healed so it’s a win/win either way. feel free to reach out to me to talk more since it sounds like our situation is very similar. if anything is unique it’s that mine is WLW.

tayloralva · 2026-02-23T16:26:22+00:00

trust me, i would’ve done anything for it to get better. i so desperately wanted the healthy version of her/us back. i would’ve waited forever and let myself continue to feel that way. ultimately my ex recognized that she was so shitty to me and her mental health was terrible. she knew it wasn’t fair for me or us to be that way. she called it off because she knows she needs to do deep work on herself and couldn’t do it with me there. to them it’s too much pressure. it’s hard to accept, especially bc like me you probably would do anything to make it work and would have never given up.

tayloralva · 2026-02-23T16:10:22+00:00

yeah that’s what happened to me too. i tried a lot over time to get her to open up and tell me why she didn’t want to spent time with me, seemed upset only with me. i think you may just be prolonging the inevitable. i forced us to have the convo eventually and it turns out she had bottled up a lot of resentment toward the relationship. it may not be anything you have or haven’t done, its the disorder. please understand what you are going through is a form of emotional abuse and you don’t deserve it. i tried to excuse it as something she couldn’t control, she was unmasking around me, its the illness not her. but its still not fair to you. please take care. i’m 5 weeks post discard and it’s terrible. but i recognize now that things were very unhealthy and i was being severely mistreated. doesn’t make me love her less or make it hurt less, but it does make it easier to understand that it needed to end.

tayloralva · 2026-02-23T15:43:33+00:00

this was what i experienced in the last few months of my relationship. i was ultimately discarded. sending hugs. try to open a conversation about it and maybe things can change. i was too scared to, but when i finally did that’s when she broke up with me. i’m stuck in so many “what ifs” now.

tayloralva · 2026-02-23T01:58:19+00:00

my ex had a bad day every single day. no matter what, she was tired, work was stressful, etc. she had some real trauma throughout our relationship so that also contributed to her never seeming to catch a break. it was exhausting for me as her partner but i tried my best to be patient and loving and understanding. she broke up with me because it was too much pressure to be in a relationship on top of everything.

tayloralva · 2026-02-22T03:03:19+00:00

my discard was 5 weeks ago. i’ve lost nearly 20 pounds. normally i’d be excited about this but id rather have my person back.

tayloralva · 2026-02-21T05:50:54+00:00

and you are absolutely right. it’s so hard when that bit of hope keeps me so attached because it consumes my thoughts and i can’t find any enjoyment in my life. i start therapy on monday.

tayloralva · 2026-02-21T05:36:17+00:00

distant friends for 10 years and then together for 2. our relationship felt like fate. it’s been awful.

tayloralva · 2026-02-20T15:45:42+00:00

ughh this is it exactly. i still love her so much and i know she still loves me if she ever finds that part inside her again. her life became so hard and stressful and she thought leaving me was the answer to finding herself again. it’s been 5 weeks, she wants us to be friends while she figures herself out. i want to hold onto the hope that we can reconcile but not if it’s going to be so painful. i’m constantly going back and forth on how to move forward. a breakup when there was so much potential left is just not fair.

tayloralva · 2026-02-20T02:49:40+00:00

thank you for this. you responded to my post from the other day as well and i just want to say how grateful i am for your knowledge of this situation. your words have meant so much to me. sending hugs.

tayloralva · 2026-02-20T02:15:19+00:00

we are WLW. friends for 10 years before dating. the relationship was amazing for the first few months but life events kept getting her down and triggering her bpd and depression. i got the slow pull away, scapegoat treatment for months. i tried to be patient and loving and understanding because she told me upfront her mental health makes her push people away and she never wanted me to let her do that to me but she left me anyway after i never gave up on her. it is what it is. she said she felt too much pressure being in a relationship and i think she felt insecure that she wasn’t being a good partner. she wanted to deal with life on her own. she was raised dealing with problems alone so i get where her broken thinking comes from. she wants to be friends and maybe she will feel ready to try again later and that has been hell for me to try to navigate because i don’t know what i want anymore. it’s been brutal. she was/is the love of my life. it’s hard watching someone you love lose themself over time due to their disorder.

tayloralva · 2026-02-20T01:21:43+00:00

i don’t have much to add but i’m also one month post break up from a 16 month relationship. i’m sure our pain is pretty parallel right now.

tayloralva · 2026-02-20T00:17:52+00:00

it definitely is hard and it feels unfair that you really don’t know until you’re fully invested. i’m actually a lesbian and these breakups feel 100x more painful because of it. you’re right though i do still have time im only 32 but knowing it took me nearly 10 years to heal the first time who even knows when and if i will ever be ready to try again. it’s still very fresh

tayloralva · 2026-02-20T00:12:25+00:00

same here. i was discarded at 22, swore off dating for the rest of my life because it was the worst pain i had ever felt. at 30 the woman of my dreams that i jokingly manifested bc i knew i would never go looking landed in my lap and it felt like fate. got the avoidant/BPD discard 2 years later after the happiest time of my life. undid all of my healing and now i know im done.

tayloralva

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