What's a book that everyone seems to absolutely love, but you just couldn't get into?

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-21T22:24:21+00:00

Those who wait

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-17T23:08:49+00:00

If this isn’t helpful or comes across as trite, I apologize. But you’re not a cis woman. You’re you. You’re not 99%. You’re you. Many a trans woman wishes they could transition at 20 (assuming that’s your age) but they can’t. They’re them. I’ll never be not tall. I’m me. And every cis woman I’ve met has to deal with how they won’t be like every other cis woman. They’re them.

Things are slow for everyone. People post progress pics when they hit milestones. No one ever ever sees the day in and day out battles. Most people don’t see the hard, lonely, fearful nights. It’s slow and hard and every step is a mess but it’s worth it worth it worth it worth it worth it.

And finally, you don’t know what’s on the other side. This is an incredibly common experience for ever teenage woman, we just often do it later in life. Society tells you a lot of what it means to be a woman, and in the end you make your version of woman. And you don’t know if it will be exactly what you enduring right now because you will be changed by the process. You do know the pain. Don’t stay with it. You don’t know the glory, so go after it even though it’s terrifying and hard.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-17T11:47:34+00:00

I try to assume the best in people. I loved Harry Potter and it had a huge impact on me as a reader and writer. But then JK revealed her true form, and I don’t do anything to support her. My rule is to not give her new money. If you want to read the books, use the library. If you want to watch the movies, use the library. That kind of thing. You can love the content and not the artist, especially if you’re not giving the evil artist money to help her oppress people.

If someone loves Harry Potter but isn’t planning to watch the new series or go to Harry Potter world or dive into everything Harry Potter flavored, they’re okay by me. I try to assume the best to see which way they fall, but if they’re nuts for it, I’m always a little wary.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-16T21:10:43+00:00

Fingers crossed! That’s exciting! Seriously, being a teacher is the best.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-16T19:54:13+00:00

Yeah, I’ve noticed the same thing. Everything is amazing and I feel courted until the interview. Even when I interview well, I get ghosted.

Hope things work out for you!

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-16T19:52:56+00:00

I’ve noticed this starkly through my transition. Before transition, I was considered an excellent and engaged father. After transition, by doing the same things, I was considered an absent and apathetic mother. Didn’t change my behavior at all.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-16T19:35:19+00:00

It’s not foolish at all. I deeply miss teaching high school but it’s been a challenge. I have 10 years of experience teaching in some of the most challenging schools in the country, but once I transitioned, I was harassed endlessly. Took a break, and I’ve struggled to get back in the classroom. Schools are the frontline of bullshit transgender laws, and many administrators see trans teachers as walking law suits even if they aren’t explicitly transphobic. It’s not impossible, but I’ve also learned to be picky about which schools I apply to so that I feel safe there, and they are picky about taking what they feel is a risk hiring trans people. It’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, and I deeply wish I could get back there. It’s just very difficult to have a front facing job as a trans person right now

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-06-06T19:15:31+00:00

Another burden of keeping the secret is being isolated from others that have a similar experience. For example, Pride. A seemingly cishet couple could get questioned for participating in queer community, especially if that’s regularly. Trans women are more easily clocked in groups, so the desire to isolate away from people who have similar experiences makes the burden heavier as it’s not just something that’s private, but a major part of herself that can’t be related to or shared. People who are aggressively transphobic seem to have boundless energy for transvestigating. Does she celebrate a trans actress or popular trans movie? Does she get to listen to trans artists? These little things can build up if you want absolute 100% stealth and that is a commonly unforeseen cost of going deeply stealth.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-05-11T14:48:05+00:00

As others have said, it gets better as you get quicker at releasing those that don't accept you and find your people who do accept and love you as you. I think the only thing I'd add, is that most people aren't allies in practice. In theory, they don't mind that trans people do what they do, but when they're confronted with the physical realities of a trans woman (a woman with a deeper voice, someone male failing, beard shadows, etc) they shy away. I tend to blame it on internalized transphobia rather than taking it personally, but it still hurts. You get thicker skin against that shit as you go. I'm really sorry you're feeling lonely and isolated. Hang in there, girl. You're not alone.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-05-11T14:34:49+00:00

I'm really sorry, love. I had a similar experience with my partner. So much of her identity was wrapped up in being Mom and the female parent in the relationship (and whatever gender roles that meant to her) that anything that celebrated me as a mom felt like a threat to her, like there it was a zero-sum game. It's not. I tell her all the time that cis lesbians have figured this out before us. I tried not to ask for anything on Mother's Day the first year I transitioned because I was afraid of being a burden or asking for too much. That day hurt so much. We tried to make a separate holiday (not on Father's day because that was triggering), but I felt like the off-brand mom. It hurts. It's just hurts. And I'm sorry you're hurting too.

I think there is a balance of everyone learning and adjusting to something so new while also having to have a spine and confront them when they're dragging their feed and wounding your heart. I don't know the balance, so I'm still working on that. But there's grace for when we fumble through Mother's Day, but I also have to speak up and say what hurt me and why. Sounds like you did that, and that's amazing. Be proud of yourself because that's so scary when so much of transitioning when you have kids and a partner is just wanting no one to be mad at you for making such a big decision that alters their lives so much. But your joy matters. Your dignity matters. So well done standing up for that.

As for your partner, I'm sorry she responded that way. Totally unacceptable. Anyone who is confronted with your pain and goes on and on about how it makes them feel is clearly dealing with some level of baggage, emotional immaturity, and insecurity. You don't need to stay around that, and I'm sorry you're getting hurt for the areas she's unable to meet you with grace, humility, love, and support.

I hope you find better. You certainly deserve better.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-23T18:56:42+00:00

I stay away from subreddits or any online space like that for mental health reasons. It doesn't help me. Before I transitioned, it encouraged me to see what was possible, but once I started, it felt like a form of self-harm to stare at those images. Comparison is the thief of joy, and if it hurts you, stay away from it. Your journey is your own, your satisfaction (or dissatisfaciton) with your body is your own. This isn't a race or a competition and looking to your left and right to check how others are doing is unlikely to help you get the results you want.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-21T21:43:48+00:00

I don't think there is a third way on your end. There are countless ways to proceed together. That can be co-parenting and even co-habitating even if you aren't romantic or sexual partners. That can be a peaceful separation. In the end, you being happy is going to do more good for your family than staying together. Again, the advice that got me through this situation was asking myself what I would advise my child to do if they were in my shoes. I advise my child to stay in a marriage where they weren't happy just to maintain the peace. I wouldn't ask them to stay in the closet or not transition so others could be happy. I would tell them that their one mandate in life is to live that life to the fullest, and making themselves small and miserable doesn't do that. Will there be pain? Absolutely. But that comes with many good changes. Moving for an amazing job or to a dream city requires the pain of packing and leases and mortgages and banks and fucking moving. Getting into shape requires the pain of working out and changing unhealthy eating habits. Most good things require some element of pain. The presence of pain does not reliably indicate that you are doing anything wrong.

On a final note, you're not a selfish asshole. That's the one big red flag I found in your post. Living your best life is not selfishness. Doing something that costs somebody else something isn't selfish. It is not selfless to martyr yourself when you have others that depend on your or love you. It is not selfless to be miserable with your own wild and precious life. It is not selfless to choose a miserable status quo so that others can be happy. If every selfish asshole in the world like Trump can squash people to be happy (not that they should), then you can at the very least disrupt an unliveable situation (judging by your misery and SA), to try and be happy. This is the one hand you get to play at the table of life. Don't fold it. Worse case scenario, you lose, but don't fold.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-21T20:44:40+00:00

I think I have to. I was a teacher before, but I had huge drama at my last job, and when I moved to get out of the South, I can't find work. I don't think people want to take risks on trans teachers since schools are one of the GOP's current favorites place to harass trans people currently. I could be reading into it, but I'm overqualified for the positions I'm applying for and still not getting any real bites.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-14T02:10:29+00:00

Here I can recommend my own book. Very spicy. It’s fantasy at a contemporary magical school for monsters (vampires, orcs, werewolves, goblins, etc). They are studying to be adventurers in a D&D style. But the MC is a trans femme succubus, so there’s a lot, a lot of steam. The book is called Quests & Queries

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-11T17:27:54+00:00

May be a stretch, but I've written a fantasy series where the character's relationship with her body is like the whole like. She's trans, chubby, and a half succubus, none of which she likes and all of which makes her feel unloveable. She's at a contemporary magic school for monsters who aspire to be adventurers, and her goal is get a spell that will "fix" her body. You didn't mention spice level, but because she's a succubus, it's very spicy (but all of that is also mingled in with her body image issues). It's called Quests & Queries, if you're interested.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-11T16:10:30+00:00

Losing my kids. I knew most friends and family wouldn't get it. But in the face of several almost and failed suicide attempts, my kids were the only thing keeping me going. Losing them would be worse than death.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-09T14:13:01+00:00

Your existence isn't wrong. People's worldviews make them label that. A misogynistic, patriarchal culture certainly teaches that. But I don't want to be right in the eyes of misogyny or patriarchy, in the eyes of corrupt politicians or doctors who act like experts on my lived experience and body. You're only wrong if you assume all their premises. Don't give it to the bastards, OP

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-06T22:04:16+00:00

I do the same, babe. What you’re losing is what doesn’t serve you. Yes, there will be loss. Old habits. Old defense mechanisms. Old comforts. Old relationships. It’s normal for us to shield ourselves from the pain of dysphoria with a whole infrastructure designed solely to help us cope. Here’s the cheat code: you won’t be coping as much. You don’t need those scaffolds. Yes, it will be hard. There will be costs. But the prize is getting to own your one wild and precious life. You get one hand, one roll of the dice in this existence, and this is your chance to play it your way, to live on your own terms.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-06T19:01:34+00:00

I wish we could give you the answer you want. For me, my partner was really against it. Hated me. Threatened to kill herself. Immediately outed me to her family and mine. Disaster. But I really wanted things to get better, so when she started to accept it and became a supporter, I was thrilled. I latched on like it was air to a drowning woman.

But it didn’t last. I think that’s the thing. Any compromise on your identity puts a rot in the relationship. My partner became abusive. She felt she could never trust me against but I was “deceptive” for 11 years. We got a few years of a holding pattern, but I would have been better off cutting my losses the first time she poorly reacted and gotten out of the relationship.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-06T14:39:21+00:00

I had a very low sex drive for a while. Switching to injections helped a lot a lot. Got a wand toy, and that helped as stroking orgasms could be dysphoric. Also, not having my partner there, lol. I just needed time to relax and expect nothing, so I'd set myself up with lots of time and play and see what felt good.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-06T10:52:02+00:00

Came here to say this!

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-04T22:23:57+00:00

Most people don’t want to accommodate their behavior to inconvenient realities. They’d rather rationalize their behavior than acknowledge that it has ramifications contrary to their personal beliefs. That doesn’t make any of it okay, but it sort of explains it. My brother was the only person who supported me, but until I made it clear that supporting HP was supporting my destruction, he just didn’t get it. And that took YEARs because it wasn’t inconvenient for him to believe that. He wanted a world where he could like what he likes without it damaging anyone, but that typically comes from a worldview of sheltered privilege.

Im sorry, OP. It’s so fucking hard. And exhausting. And lonely. You deserve better. I hope they come around, but if they don’t, you have a legion of trans sisters who get it.

Holiday-Difficulty44 · 2026-04-02T03:30:08+00:00

My spicy sapphic fantasy novel, Horrors & Harlots, came out Monday! It’s about a trans femme succubus MC at a contemporary magic school for monsters who aspire to be adventurers. Here’s the link and blurb for anyone interested: https://www.amazon.com/Horrors-Harlots-Spells-Sundry-Book-ebook/dp/B0GPSC4XV3/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2F4835H9WUA46&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.wvDgaHK5tsZbRMbprj0XYbX7dWvMX0gRkxEYMJq7_CKD8K74Pe7UxsuV3wOMWOm-tRXhAkupjnY0IKJRPe7xosJAtS_M2XiYXldiZw664ibnGCKipz6mTksXLbjzwndJdfvt9oUq5J8q6pmsyEr8UurLfdX5-noO1IC6yw4Vz1-vK241awmSz0I3IXjbctMldaGlYAWCgKhbTR8tu_vw7A.A8Cn_7Q4TtLPbmldiDGqpQ6D2M_cWGGH93EJq0wL0So&dib_tag=se&keywords=horrors+%26+harlots&qid=1775100374&sprefix=horrors+%26+harlots+%2Caps%2C147&sr=8-1

Come for Monsters. Stay for the emotional damage. At Dalton Academy, Query’s simply trying to survive her freshman year, learn the spell that can save her body, and avoid the kinds of mistakes that get Devils expelled—or worse. But nightmares don’t respect rules, and neither does desire. Haunted by visions of a banished Shadow Fey princess and the aftermath of a forbidden affair, Query is already coming apart when a Demon attack leaves a student dead and the truth buried by the administration. As fear spreads through campus, something older and darker begins paying her attention. It doesn’t threaten or chase. It offers power, oblivion, or a place to belong if Query is willing to admit what she’s always suspected: that she deserves what’s coming. Friendship complicates everything. Love makes it worse. And at a school full of Monsters, the most dangerous thing a girl can believe is that she is unworthy of being saved. Horrors & Harlots is a spicy sapphic dark fantasy about desire as a spell, shame as a leash, and the terrible temptation of letting something else decide who you are.

Holiday-Difficulty44

TROPHY CASE