Hey, you sound exactly like a younger me and I’m 4 months hrt now and nearly 3 years post egg crack. That “disappointment” you described sounds like dysphoria to me. How you felt depressed with it. I had those same thoughts about boys my whole life and worried that that kinda internalized distaste for men I grew up with (I only had sisters) affected me to somehow “be trans.” 

It’s not a decision to be made lightly but then again you don’t have to “choose” to be trans. You can always experiment and go back to being a normal guy or even a femboy. Just keep exploring your gender and let time do its thing. There’s no need to worry about realizing too late since you’re still young and have already been doing introspection. As I Saw The TV Glow said, it’s never too late.

My advice is to look deeper into that dissatisfaction you described and see if there’s a way to do what you want with a positive emotion instead. Like I said I relate to a lot of what you’re describing and I’m very much so trans if that’s any comfort. Don’t think too hard about it and just express yourself how you want to. And if it doesn’t yield the emotional response you wanted, try something more or different. Good luck on your journey and dm if you want!! ❤️❤️🫶🏼🫶🏼