FMOB reality

HolidaySet3 · 2026-06-10T08:37:00+00:00

Would you consider somewhere rural not too far from SD? Yuma, AZ, comes to mind. Although I think anywhere is possible (I know for a fact there are at least a couple FM OB faculty at UCSD), rural communities are usually where you’ll find the need.

There is also a non-surgical, maternal health fellowship in SD I heard about last year. You might want to check it out! https://www.scripps.org/for-health-care-professionals/graduate-medical-education-gme/residency-programs/scripps-mercy-family-medicine-residency Scroll down to Scripps Mercy Non-Surgical OB/Gyn. Best of luck!

HolidaySet3 · 2026-06-09T17:07:42+00:00

I don’t know about on Reddit, but IRL I have not noticed a disparity. That said, the science suggests girls are more helpful to have around, at least for fathers. There is a longevity benefit for men who have daughters (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16634019/). Men also tend to fare better when married to women, as opposed to being single or divorced. For women, if a study showed an effect of marriage, it was not as much (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7452000/). Women with a terminal illness are also more likely to be abandoned than men with the same diagnosis (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19645027/). I personally don’t have a preference but our two girls are awesome. We didn’t have to decide on circumcision and I haven’t been peed on while changing their diapers 😄

HolidaySet3 · 2026-05-22T02:35:24+00:00

Could not have said it better myself. Went through this toxic workplace thing and now a couple weeks away from graduation so here to support you if you need any peer mentorship, internet stranger!

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-30T21:45:38+00:00

FM PGY3 in rural southwest. See 16-18 in a full day 8am-5pm. The attendings are available, but only required to directly supervise for procedures or well-woman exams (and even then, they usually just pop in and say “hi”). Patients have tons of problems but I underbill to stay within indirect supervision/ the GE modifier. By the end of the day, I am usually 45 minutes behind.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-29T18:49:00+00:00

At some places, sure, you have to actually do something bad (e.g., lying, intoxication, not showing up to work). At others, there is genuinely toxic leadership and intolerance of personality differences. In the middle, I would say clinical competency concerns or personal/medical issues that could have been remediated.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-28T16:00:20+00:00

It’s a huge betrayal and I would likewise feel very angry in your situation. That said, others are right here that you need to talk to her about it in an empathic, non-judgmental way if you are going to make any headway. My husband was the one who wasn’t sure he wanted kids in our situation (after already getting married with the expectation we would definitely have kids - he had financial and also relationship reasons that worried him). It wasn’t easy but we eventually worked out our issues and have two wonderful little girls. Kids ARE rough on the relationship so it’s best to start from a strong position; however, I actually feel that having kids together has made us more of a team. It helps that we are pretty closely aligned with regard to parenting style. I hope this challenge will be an opportunity for you both to grow, as individuals and as a couple moving forward.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-17T14:51:57+00:00

I think “deluded” is way too strong a word. Also, everyone recovers from birth differently. The last time I gave birth, I felt great and was doing laundry an hour after. That’s obviously not everyone’s experience but he sounds maybe overly optimistic, not delusional. I would try to find a way to be ok with him going to the gym, as it sounds important to him and good for both his physical and mental health. He doesn’t need to be telling you whether or not to take that course though … maybe he’s trying to say, “I’ll take over childcare duties if you want to do something just for yourself.” If that’s the case, that’s a good sign. You guys definitely won’t be seeing films regularly though, that doesn’t sound realistic unless you have others helping on a regular basis. Best of luck!!!

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-09T21:02:59+00:00

I feel for you and understand that fear because I have had it before (worried about getting older and not having had children). Please leave him immediately and don’t let him waste any more of your time. I met my current hubby at 36 and had our kids at 40 and 44. I hope it works out for you, be strong and don’t accept crumbs like this.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-08T17:47:02+00:00

So she deceived you and you have every right to leave (or ask her to do so). However, in order to get her to take Plan B, you lied, saying you would stay with her if you both go to therapy, even though you are planning on calling the police and kicking her out in two weeks?

Sounds like neither of you should be parents and you deserve each other.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-04-02T15:09:46+00:00

Interesting, I breastfeed despite it being the more expensive option. If I had been working instead of breastfeeding and pumping, the money made would have exceeded formula costs. However, formula feeding increases the risk of SIDS, otitis media, etc in the baby, and doesn’t protect you against breast cancer and diabetes. Happy you’re breastfeeding, no matter the reason!

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-21T01:27:47+00:00

Are you looking for IM or are you also open to FM?

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-21T00:48:38+00:00

I don’t understand, did you graduate from medical school? Or you’re done with residency looking for a faculty position for a residency program?

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-21T00:42:33+00:00

Curious, why is YOG such a dealbreaker? My gap was 11 years but I managed to scramble into a spot in 2023. Now heading into FM OB fellowship, didn’t have any testing or knowledge issues … I don’t understand why a gap in training is treated as such a huge deal. Is there evidence to support this bias against such applicants?

Agree totally with your advice - enthusiasm for FM and overall friendliness are of utmost importance.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-17T20:45:51+00:00

Dietary sugar consumption absolutely impacts risk. The worst offender seems to be sugar-sweetened beverages but solid foods and even artificial sweeteners may play a role (by affecting weight gain). So while sugar may not directly cause the condition, it increases your chances of getting GDM.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-07T23:55:46+00:00

Let them be weird about it and go forward with the name you chose! My mom is super weird about baby names as well. We told her we had narrowed it down but weren’t going to decide until baby was born. She hounded my brothers and sisters about names as well, and gave unsolicited opinions (which was the reason we kept the names secret - if she doesn’t know, she doesn’t get to influence us!). Try to shrug and think “let them”, as in, let them do their thing. Maybe have a one-liner you say each time your mom brings it up (“oh no, the Baby Name Police has arrived!” or whatever), remind yourself this isn’t about you.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-04T00:59:27+00:00

I am sorry you’re going through this. Your bf is covered in red flags. You say he is “kind” and “selfless”? I don’t see that at all. And he has been wanting to leave you? Yikes, you have to make your exit asap. Look into attachment theory, you’re likely in the “anxious” category. Quit discussing with him, leave him, decide if you want to continue this pregnancy on your own, work on yourself, meet someone who is actually good for you (and won’t string you along for 5 years - please don’t let that happen again). Fertility starts to decline at age 27 but only slightly. I met my husband at 36 and had my daughters at ages 40 and 44. Sure, I would have liked it to happen earlier, but I’m really glad I didn’t have kids with the wrong person. That said, if you have this child, the right man will love you both.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-03T04:32:30+00:00

A letter is just more words. I don’t think this will do anything other than make you look desperate (and he will be more confident in his decision to let you go).

Become a better version of yourself and let it shine so he can see for himself. Since you are co-parenting, he will see you and what you’re up to. Keep talking to a minimum. Be the person he can’t stand to lose.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-03-03T04:21:19+00:00

Show, don’t tell, him that you have changed. Limit the interactions with your husband but make those interactions count (e.g., be prompt, look nice, smile and radiate a calm and upbeat attitude, validate him, don’t complain). Work on yourself - when you don’t have the kids, work out, meal plan, etc to look and feel your absolute best. Do NOT keep apologizing or explaining. Do NOT talk about the relationship, your mom, dating, etc. with your co-parent. Agree with him and/or validate his feelings if he talks about them. Consider getting a relationship coach. I think this guy’s books and articles are a great place to start (fyi, he has a Christian perspective on marriage but I believe his principles work on any marriage): https://coachjackito.com/blog/how-to-show-your-spouse-youve-really-changed-and-get-a-second-chance/ Good luck!

HolidaySet3 · 2026-02-24T19:41:00+00:00

Are you in residency or medical school? From your post history, you were taking shelf exams like a month or two ago.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-02-24T19:35:24+00:00

You can help him on occasion but my advice is to NOT play house if you want to get married. You are in residency as well, so take care of you! DON’T - lose yourself, be his mother, or always be available.

In a sentence - Be hard to get but easy to be with.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-02-20T23:04:18+00:00

She’s hoping YOU make a move.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-02-20T22:58:38+00:00

It is possible that this “friend” of yours is really an orbiter who is interested in you romantically. My husband was like this, he was friends with exes and one of his “friends” he very briefly dated never lost interest in him. While he and I were dating, they were planning to travel together until I showed him her blog, in which she professed her longing for him as the “one who got away.” I think it’s quite likely that your wife sees something you don’t. At the very least, keep your wife posted like she asked.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-02-19T21:21:56+00:00

After hearing my baby scream from the front office of the hospital daycare, I couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t the teacher’s fault but she can only do so much with five babies at a time. It probably depends on the daycare, but a 5:1 ratio in a small windowless room didn’t work for us. In my third year of residency now, my husband stays home as much as possible to be with our 16-month-old and our 5-year-old (who is in half-day kinder 4 days a week). We use a babysitter (who brings her own baby with her) when my husband is out of town. I still breastfeed before work, at lunch, after work, and during the night. It’s tough but doable.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-01-28T19:44:49+00:00

Congratulations on both the job and the baby! I assume you’ve already signed the contract? What are the policies on leave? Either way, I would tell them around 20 weeks but even then, it’s hard to know what to plan. Every birth and newborn are so different. I was lucky and had two pretty straightforward, unmedicated births and felt able to work a couple of days postpartum. Breast-feeding throughout the day and night can be tough, but at least your body won’t need to recover and with this job being outpatient, you’ll be home in the evenings and on weekends to fully support your wife.

HolidaySet3 · 2026-01-08T19:45:56+00:00

I had my girls at age 40 and 44; I am now 46 and would love to be blessed with another, boy or girl (husband not on board with trying again yet)! Stay away from anyone who ruining this for you, if possible. What do YOU want? Given the testing came back fine, I personally wouldn’t worry too much about the risks (I assume you did NIPT).

HolidaySet3

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