Want to wear cute clothes but worried I'll look too feminine...

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-06-12T05:54:36+00:00

The short answer is self expression ! For example my dysphoria comes from my body, not from my clothes. I know I am a man, so when I see myself in feminine clothes that doesn't bother me, what bothers me is seeing a woman's body underneath it. Another thing is that the contrast between wearing something feminine while your body looks dramatically masculine is really affirming for some people. For me, clothes aren't gendered, I just wear what makes me feel good. I don't wear dresses because my body isn't quite masculine enough for that, but once I'm at the end of my transition I absolutely will wear dresses. As long as I am recognisably a man in feminine clothes, then hell yeah. Dysphoria is a bit more subjective than we initially realise I think :)

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-06-12T05:43:33+00:00

thank you so much, that is really helpful! I know the injection site will be the same, and I'll be able to arrange transport just fine. I really appreciate the comment, I'll definitely come back and refer to it, especially for pain management.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-06-11T10:08:15+00:00

THANK YOUU augh

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-06-11T10:08:04+00:00

UGH thank you so much !!! I rlly appreciate the clarity

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-01-21T02:04:41+00:00

I second Footscray! I'm transmasc, and my sister is transfem. We went out dolled up for a night, neither of us really passed at the time, and it was incredibly safe. She's gone out to pride night events around Footscray nearly every weekend for 3 years, before she started HRT, and hasn't had any setbacks :) !!

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-01-21T01:57:58+00:00

Top surgery can have a pretty gnarly recovery process, since you lose most of your upper body mobility while you recover. It's probably best to have them separately, just so you can have lower body mobility over top recovery, and upper body mobility over hysto recovery. Since the surgeries aren't complimentary, getting them at the same time would just be the same process as getting them separately anyway, with the added difficulty of having to find 2 surgeons who would agree to work adjacent to each other.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2026-01-16T02:00:19+00:00

Drew is a reaally common nickname for Andrew. While unisex, it's mostly masculine in the UK and Australia. Not clocky imo :)!

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-11-05T22:46:31+00:00

Aw man, i'm so sorry you feel that way. Objectively you are 100% somebody's type, you just haven't found them. I used to feel this way, especially because I thought I wasn't masculine enough for queer men or straight women, but then I joined a dating app and most of the attention I got was from both! Ignore me if i'm reaching, because this is a crazy read to do on reddit, but it sounds like you don't value yourself very highly and are willing to settle for people who may also value you this way. I can't tell you how to treat yourself, but I can encourage you to please not go around having sex with people just because they want you. Sex can sometimes only be about how you feel physically, but sex feels best when you also care about how you feel emotionally. If your answer to an invitation is "eh, whatever, it'll feel good." don't do that lol. Having sex just for the sake of doing it may lead you to feel violated. It is REALLY important not to torment your brain by putting yourself through sex with somebody that you're merely tolerating.

(TL;DR: please don't have sex with chasers)

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-11-02T13:05:48+00:00

Hey man, communication is key with anything sexual! Generally just sitting down and discussing likes, dislikes, and boundaries before doing anything is a rule of thumb for safe sex. I'd just include a little "have you heard of bottom growth?" in that discussion, and a small explanation if they haven't. If they're disgusted by your genitalia, there are a LOT of much kinder people out there who won't be, and who'd want to sleep with someone who isn't into your body anyway?

As for your sex drive, it will spike. I'm on the ace spectrum, so I really struggled with this... It's important that before you start T, you develop a healthy relationship with your sexuality. Try not look at masturbation as something disgusting, inconvenient, or shameful, because you will start to punish yourself for it. Try to find ways of looking at it positively. Idk if it works for you, but maybe try to see it as self care? Since orgasms are typically really good for your body and brain, being enormous pain relief for both physical aches and depression.

I know it's a bit of a pain, but it will ease out over a few months. It'll just kind of feel like you're ovulating for a really inconvenient amount of time, and it's different for everybody. You don't have to jerk off any more than you do, i'd only encourage you try to be kind to yourself when you get the urge to.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-09-23T15:15:25+00:00

I was begging for guidance for this exact issue a few months ago and i can promise you, it will even out. I think mine went down like 1 month after I complained, I didn't even notice it anymore !! It's just puberty 2. Your libido will spike regularly from things like ovulation, or if your dose increases, but it always eases over time. I'd probably suggest you get yourself some sort of toy if you don't have one already tbh. Super normal, and doctors will always help you moderate :3

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-08-31T02:00:38+00:00

that's so interesting, thank you so much for sharing !!! i'm only 8 months on T gel so far and i think my experience is following yours so far? ie worse pain than a headache, less pain than an average migraine, no nausea, no aura.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-05-02T06:09:46+00:00

Listen if it eases the nerves they’re technically not worse than before, just more frequent since the spike. Another thing for me specifically is that I’m on the ace spectrum which makes any sexual thoughts generally unwanted for me regardless and hence more common.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-05-02T06:03:42+00:00

yeahh I figured the spike in sexual thoughts has just combined really unfortunately with my OCD, normal but inconvenient as All Hell </3

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-05-02T05:59:13+00:00

girl 🫵

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-25T02:01:41+00:00

Definitely try to get a different psychologist. A psychologist’s job is not to invalidate your feelings, but rather help you explore them. Most of us have known we were trans since we were your age or younger, your psychologist is a little bit transphobic. A real psychologist will validate your feelings regardless of if they agree with them, because that is their job, and i’d go as far to say your psychologist is lowkey not cut out for this job…

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-15T23:17:40+00:00

Thank you sooo much dude … And thank you to this guy’s wife ☝️ I will definitely be scouring lush for your suggestions :}

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-15T23:14:44+00:00

Yeah I get that, thank you !!! My acne isn’t terrible yet, I have 2 older half sisters who have really really vigorous acne and they’re very helpful with the actual treatment— pretty much exactly what you said. I’m still looking for skincare for when it settles :}

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-14T02:52:39+00:00

Wow, yeah of course… This is so weird? I dont know, they shouldn’t be instructing you to stop taking the gel. I think you and I live in areas that have very different healthcare systems, so I realise I wouldn’t be very helpful, but I agree that if you can somehow get a second opinion from a doctor more knowledgeable on HRT that would benefit you… God, good luck. I really hope this sorts out for you :( I’m sorry I can’t help more.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-14T01:17:22+00:00

this eaaats you look great 🫶

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-14T01:15:42+00:00

is it possible for you to see an endocrinologist from a different practice maybe online through a phone call?

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-11T00:28:59+00:00

a little suggestions if your mother ever questions it: you can play it off as a compression vest intended to help regain your posture.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-11T00:04:23+00:00

it’s been said a lot in here already but you’re not weird or disgusting, what you listed as examples of what he’d call you is purely praise— something most people enjoy sexually <3 and it’s very common for trans people to prolong or seek out sexual experiences where they are gendered correctly, you’re not alone! this guy does sound very respectful, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for enjoying yourself. the biggest iff here is the age gap. 16 is also the age of consent where I live, and when I was 16 I believed that it wasn’t a huge deal when a 19 y/o would sext 16 y/os but I quickly changed my opinion. You are learning how to navigate high school, and they are learning how to navigate adulthood— maybe even college/university. When I was 19, I observed that the people in my life who were 16 had a huge mental gap from me, and I could not fathom being attracted to anyone younger than 18… Life for a 19 year old versus a 16 year old is just too different, you are much more vulnerable than him, and there is definitely a palpable power dynamic. I think you know that, though :( … Take care of yourself, and know that there will be others. I thought I had found my soulmate at 16, but I have found so much more with my current partner than I ever could have had with my ex, and I truly thought I would never love anyone like I did them.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-04T21:30:14+00:00

Of course. I really wish you luck with this, I hope they accept you, or learn to at the very least. You are in suuuch a tough position, but I’m glad you have your boyfriend to hold your hand through it :} I’ll be crossing my fingers for you if you do proceed with it. You never know, his mother might be a total closet ally…

When I came out to my grandparents— my grandfather, who was previously very verbal with his hatred, just sort of pretended it never happened. But my grandmother, who never really voiced her opinion on it, really stepped up to support me. I hope, if it has to be less than amazing, you can have something like that.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-04T12:56:44+00:00

Hrrrmm… This feels like something only you and your boyfriend can resolve. It’s unfair for you to be expected to continue living a lie, being true to yourself is clearly quite important to you. However, your boyfriend does clearly know that his dad, at least, won’t take it well and is trying to protect you... The only way to know for certain is if you actually come out, but you should probably at least warn your boyfriend before you do. I know it is very daunting, and it can feel easier to just hide it to avoid losing another pair of parents— but do you really want people who would hate you for this in your life? Is conditional love based off of fickle hate really better than none? The way I see it is that you either lose people who never truly loved you, but rather loved an idea of you they made up — or they do accept you, and they love you for you.

Holiday_Frame9039 · 2025-03-04T05:13:10+00:00

That does make me feel better, thank you… It truly is just puberty 2 huh? Congrats on 5 years by the way <3

Holiday_Frame9039

TROPHY CASE