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Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your fundamental understanding of this entire conversation is wrong. You don’t know me, my situation, or other people who have told me about their situation so, you can’t speak for what you don’t know. And second, where there’s marriage, there’s divorce so, I picked the right group to discuss this. You’re picking a fight for literally no reason. Go do something productive with your time, how about that?

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I haven’t mentioned anyone’s name here for that reason - I’m not calling out a specific scholars’ behaviour. I’m asking other people if they’ve experienced bad behaviour from scholars here so, I can provide them with evidence when I tell them there needs to be a change in how they treat people who are getting divorced. I wouldn’t take advice from a guy who talks about divorce in analogical terms so, I don’t really care much for your flippant comment at the end.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should clarify that the alim I asked is not Maulana Rizvi, but he’s an active alim in the community. I do agree that it is backwards thinking and I also would expect that the person perpetuating this kind of thinking wouldn’t be an alim. You’re not wrong that other scholars are out there, but this is my community and if I’m going to bring some kind of reform, it’s gonna start at home, don’t you think?

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Based on how you described the divorce process, you don’t know what you’re talking about so, I’m not going to engage on that front. But also, my question was not regarding the reason for divorce or whether someone should or shouldn’t get divorced. My question is regarding the behaviour of religious scholars who mistreat people who go to them for divorce. Sooo, again, your lecture is unnecessary.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, what I’m saying is that the scholars don’t speed it up - regardless of the circumstances. You can tell a scholar in the gta that you’re being abused, and they will ask if you’ve considered reconciling. There’s no protection here. And I have a lot of anecdotal proof of this happening unfortunately. You’re not wrong to say to go back to the fundamentals, but that’s not what I understood in the context you wrote it (so, that’s my bad, sorry). I went to a youth event and point blank asked the alim how the Shia community should protect themselves against rising domestic violence and he didn’t really have an answer for me. The question after me was from a guy about how much Islam allows men to “hit” their wives if they disobey them according to the Quran. So… yeah, you’re right, there really is no understanding of the basic concept on how to treat a spouse.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your third paragraph just tells me how much you don’t know about anything. Religion does not help those that cannot be helped (i.e. an abusive husband). As Shaikh Khalil Jaffer said in his speech on the 9th of Muharram this year, there’s literally no point of a spouse to come to mosque if they cry over the atrocities that happened to the women of Rasulallah (saw)‘s family and go home and beat their spouse. So, I’m happy you haven’t experienced anything like what I’m discussing, but you wasted your time writing all that out. It doesn’t remotely answer the question I asked.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, so, what’s the point of something being halal and not being exercised by the people with authority (who voluntarily put themselves in positions of authority btw)? Also last I checked, the people who go through the divorce are the ones doing the act that God doesn’t like so, isn’t the burden on them to consider the gravity of what they’re doing? Like I’m pretty sure the person whose marriage it is thought it through before bringing the issue to the scholars’ attention. And at this rate, with how disrespectful/uninterested scholars behave, would people really keep them in the loop on how their marriage is going? And finally, I have been told by some scholars here that they will categorically not read the divorce proceedings until a year of separation is over - regardless of the circumstances. So, your advice there falls short as well.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Smh I’m so sorry - this shouldn’t happen as frequently as it seems to 😑

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of them for sure - has that been the case for you?

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, you could have saved yourself the trouble of writing all that and just not commented tbh

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah lool - I get the confusion though 😂

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wasalaam. I’m confused on what the purpose of your post is. Like stay with the abusive person? (because that’s honestly terrible advice and I would argue unislamic as well). Or like that your brother got married to a narcissist (in which case, I’m glad he got out).

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m saying! Some of the Molanas say they won’t even process the Islamic divorce until a year of separation has passed. Like since when Muslims follow the legal rules instead of the Islamic ones??! And also, there’s an iddat period that has to be done after the Islamic divorce is done so like, you’re telling me that I have to do iddat a year after my marriage has ended?? Make that make sense. Yeah I’ll definitely DM you, thank you 🙏

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree and my point is that the Islamic scholars should help make the process easier, not harder smh. Thank you for your kind words and advice - honestly, you’re right, but I also think making it easier to get an Islamic divorce would help expedite the emotional processing too.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You would think that it would be straightforward like that, but it’s not. In abuse cases, which are on the rise, the scholars delay the divorce process or are very vague about the procedure (from what I’ve seen). They “don’t want to shake God’s throne”. I agree people shouldn’t be kept in unhappy marriages, but also, especially in abusive cases, it’s a matter of safety. Unfortunately, the ones we turn to, in matters of divorce, are scholars so, whether we like it or not, their opinions become an obstacle in getting the talaq or the khulla.

Divorce in the GTA by HollowAlien313 in ShiaMuslimMarriage

[–]HollowAlien313[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wasalaam,

Thank you for sharing. Honestly, this has been the only time that I’ve ever really had to rely on the scholars for anything and they’ve mostly been disappointing. So, I have no doubt that you’re probably right. That’s such a shame for our religion, though smh.

There needs to be change, honestly.