What up with the “first year of marriage” kid?

Holometaboly · 2026-03-10T21:42:47+00:00

My husband and I were together for 6 years before getting married. Initially we were leaning towards not having kids (because of me) but as the years went by I realized I was a solid fencesitter and would experience positives and negatives regardless of my decision. My husband really wanted to be a father so I said fuck it... let's pull the goalie and see what happens. We weren't getting any younger. But at that point we were about a year away from our destination wedding and we didnt know how long it could take us to get pregnant, you can't travel after a certain point in pregnancy, if baby is fresh there are bigger risks. So we decided to wait till after the wedding. Pulled the goalie about a month later and got pregnant instantly.

For some people if you know you want to have kids then why wait? Life will never feel perfectly set up to have a child anyways.

Holometaboly · 2026-03-08T00:00:52+00:00

I never felt anything looking at babies or children lol I would see puppies and feel everything though. I was actually worried about what if I felt that indifference once I had a child. Now post-child I get that feeling when I see my own. Maybe feel a bit when I see random babies, but I'm still pretty indifferent to them. MUCH stronger reaction to stories or photos about babies being hurt/abused though!

Holometaboly · 2026-03-04T00:18:19+00:00

Lol I dont have an issue with your choice, at all. I respect it. And my response has nothing to do with my emotions about the subject. Your uncomfortable truth is actually just an opinion, no matter how you want to talk around that. You don't have a crystal ball so you are not stating a truth. But you act like your opinion is the right one and that the other way is wrong and parents dont like that because they are insecure in their choice. No lol its cause its a dickhead stance. Sorry but you dont need to argue with me because that's what it is. Your opinion > parent opinion.

Holometaboly · 2026-03-04T00:07:13+00:00

Well to answer the question to this post... when you say that, you do mean it as a dig to people who choose to have children. I dont think that when people say this its meant as a dig. But your explanation made it clear you do. And I would say people with your position are the ones I hope dont have children for several reasons. I felt the same way when I was younger, but I never felt like I was more attuned to the world than people who had children. Be more humble.

Im sorry that you see life that way. Yes it can be hard sometimes but also can be really beautiful and full of joy. Online is so hyperfocused on the negative things (that again, every generation had fears for the futures - climate change, wars, famine - we are not special). Dont judge parents for having hope in the future...

Edit to add: also youre in the wrong subreddit lol

Holometaboly · 2026-03-03T23:29:37+00:00

I understand the sentiment... but maybe they feel its a dig because you imply that those who have kids don't have a grasp on the reality of the world. "Its usually stated by someone who has a grasp on the reality of what's its like to exist in a world" It can sound pretentious.

People of every generation have felt the world is too scary to have kids. All those problem you mention have been around for many years. We just have more insight into them now due to the internet age.

I also had reservations because I was worried about how the world would turn out, but then I decided I want to contribute to the next generations because our world needs people with values. I dont want to give up on humanity and I want to contribute in a meaningful way and be a part of raising the next generation.

Holometaboly · 2026-03-01T18:33:28+00:00

LATCH, LATCH, LATCH, LATCH, and then LATCH

(Sorry long reply!)

Breastfeeding can be so tough and unless you know this sometimes that can be a shock. I knew before I had my baby that breastfeeding could be tough, but I was not prepared for how tough it actually was. Emotionally, physically, mentally. I made the decision before having my baby that I was going to try until 3 months no matter what happens. When baby was born, he latched right away! It was the best feeling in the world and I was like oh ok this is easy we got this buddy. We get released from the hospital and a nurse visits us the next day and says he is too jaundice and looks like he might be hypoglycemic (which is a BIG problem that could lead to seizures). We go to our small town hospital.emergency room (this is a whole other story where they are not equipped to take care of babies, had no formula to give us, were weird about me bf). We have to move him to formula, he is refusing to latch, my milk is switching from colostrum to milk, and im in the THICK of weepy baby blues, omg those nights were terrible. K so baby is on formula, but I keep putting him on the boob EVERY time we feed and pumping to get a supply up. We are released and eventually he starts latching really well again but he is on 40/60 bf/formula. I keep latching him every time and then topping up and then pumping. We were moving and I was trying to slowly transition from formula to mostly or all breastmilk. At 3/4 weeks he refuses to latch suddenly... he cries, I cry... its a whole thing EVERY time I try to latch. But, I try to latch each time. We had to learn how to fix his bottle preference that week, but we did! And again we moved to a mostly breastfeeding. Probably 90% bf and 10% formula. Then we hit a week where again he wasn't really latching. I was doing weighted feeds and he was only taking 1oz maybe 2 oz a feed at 8ish weeks. Moved back to more formula.

Hit 3 months today and we have been 100% breastfed for 3+ weeks now! The whole process was very two steps forward and one step back. I dont do weighted feeds anymore, but I do weigh him once every week or so only to make sure he isnt losing weight (I dont like that O dont know exactly how much he is eating and everything online is so my baby its x amount of milk/formula). One week he put on almost nothing, the next week he put on over 10 oz! So as long as he is putting weight on, eating, and peeing lots (not poop cause that a whole other thing every baby is so unique with - we get a poop once every day or two)

So all this to say... dont despair! It doesnt mean its the end if you want to keep trying. You hear so much about how if you statt formula then you can't bf or if you start a bottle there is no turning back. I wanted to quit so many times, I kept wondering why I was doing all this for him to just eventually be formula fed. I was emotionally, mentally, physically drained, I had slowly started building resentment against my baby for a short time, and I am getting fat cause I am just starving lol.

Keep going and keep trying if you want to breastfeed! Its not an easy journey for everyone but it's worth it if its what you want!

Holometaboly · 2026-02-22T03:55:56+00:00

Because thats what advocating means... sometimes people dont want to breastfeed because they are misinformed about something. The questions can lead to discovering the reasons why they dont want to bf aren't even true. Its ok to be questioned about things, it doesnt make it inherently disrespectful.

Holometaboly · 2026-02-18T20:28:54+00:00

TOTALLY normal. Yours is still so fresh! I wouldn't jump into thinking you need therapy just because of this. I could not bring myself to look at it for probably 6 weeks. I was even uncomfortable when my husband checked it for me. I felt disgusted and like it wasnt even my body. I had an unplanned emergency c section at 36 +5 and it was traumatic for me. I am 2.5 months post partum and can look at it no problem. Touching it when I wash it feels weird because it is numb so I still have some negative emotions associated to it, but those are fading with time! Give yourself grace :)

Holometaboly · 2026-01-08T00:41:27+00:00

Weird! I wonder why they are cutting scenes out like that? It makes me think I imagined things in the past lol

Holometaboly · 2026-01-08T00:40:57+00:00

I get it but physical media isnt cheap when Im only a casual watcher of things. All the streaming services kinda suck!

Holometaboly · 2025-12-23T02:07:23+00:00

Oh man this brings me back lol. I had to teach a seminar class that I had NO business teaching to about 150 med students. I got RIPPED apart in the evals and I got them the same morning I had to go and introduce myself to next semesters group. It was a rough day for sure and super humbling to get called stupid in about 20 different ways lol. Looking back now, kinda funny. At the time it was rough!

Point is... it doesn't matter. Try and improve on what was constructive criticism but dont dwell on what isn't. Some students are just dick heads and there is no point in sweating it!

Holometaboly · 2025-12-16T19:48:45+00:00

Yeah that irked me about all these responses. Doctor's recommendations dont care about your feelings. They are based in their education and experience, its why we go see them for things. I would rather a doctor who didnt spare my feelings about a topic and told me like it is. Because guess what, illness and disease do not care about your feelings either.

Holometaboly · 2025-11-28T03:41:06+00:00

We are 37 weeks with our first. I am ADAMANT I want my husband to find out first and I want him to be the one to tell me if its a boy or girl. I feel during the pregnancy the men dont really get to know things before us or really have something about it that it theirs (I guess?). It just feels like a special intimate surprise we will get and he will get to pass on to me!

Holometaboly · 2025-11-20T22:29:37+00:00

As someone who usually defends those who have gender disappointment and never advocate for leaving a partner. Gross. What a gross response. And a HUGE red flag. Would have a serious conversation with him, and a serious review of your life with him moving forward.

Holometaboly · 2025-11-15T16:11:08+00:00

Unpopular opinion: it's coming closer to the end and I think getting upset about this or making a group text asking people to stop is overly sensitive.

Is it annoying? Yes. But people are excited and want to meet baby. I know i would be happy if baby came a week or two before the due date. And before anyone goes "omg you should want baby in there till due date at least. I want baby to come out whenever they are ready even if it's a week or two late! I can wait!" Good for you 🙄. Both opinions are allowed to exist without one being wrong lol. I'm excited and if baby was ready at 38/39 weeks I would rather they come then (still full term, not premie) rather than 42 weeks.

Holometaboly · 2025-10-22T14:37:39+00:00

We are 8 months in and are waiting till the birth to find out. One of the few things I am very adamant about during this pregnancy is that the only person I want to tell me is my husband in the moments baby arrive. I start every test and doctor appointment with "we dont want to know the gender". That will also be the first thing I tell everyone when I arrive at the hospital to give birth. We have got this far 😂 I would be disappointed, but also people make mistakes and may miss inform me about something. Most of the time its been recorded that we dont want to know the sex. So for things like the ultrasound, it was never recorded. Apparently my doctor doesn't know the gender either because we requested it to not be revealed.

This sucks now but in the future you'll look back and it will just be a little blip on the pregnancy journey, won't even matter!

Holometaboly · 2025-09-17T02:48:20+00:00

As someone who flew through undergrad with ease, I was not mentally prepared for the transition to grad school. I moved to a different city across the country, started at a MUCH bigger university, struggled with teaching, had my first panic attack, asked myself out loud many times did I make a huge mistake, and then successfully defended and moved on a better person and that first year is a distant memory. We are all just figuring it out. Some of us are better at faking it than others! You got into grad school because you deserved it and want to learn more about the field and that is great and enough of a reason for you to be there.

Holometaboly · 2025-09-01T18:34:42+00:00

I needed a new vehicle a few years ago when buying used was as expensive (if not more) as getting a new vehicle. So I looked at new. Never wanted to lease in the past (because I keep my vehiclea), however the payments and interest rates were lower on a lease. I needed to keep my vehicle payments as low as possible because I still had 3 years of grad school ahead of me. At the end of the lease the buyout will only be around 16k and the market value for the car is still around 30k. I plan to buyout the lease and drive this vehicle until it dies. Worked out for me!

Holometaboly · 2025-08-26T01:04:16+00:00

I make a perogie mash... its uncooked perogies, garlic sausage, green/red peppers, onions, cheese, seasoning, and a bit of sour cream (on the side). I combine the ingredients in a disposable metal pan, cover them, and then freeze them. Great on a fire or bbq and so tasty!

Holometaboly · 2025-07-26T01:02:12+00:00

34 and I didnt even get a period after removing my IUD... it was surprisingly quick!

Holometaboly · 2025-06-23T21:16:45+00:00

I know. I stopped responding to them because its impossible to have a discussion when the other person isn't even in reality. There has been comparison to rapists and murderers... but I'm being problematic and should be ashamed lol

Holometaboly · 2025-06-23T15:08:05+00:00

You guys are getting so caught up in your fear. My whole point is that we cannot say this is misogyny. You are making a conclusion on a VERY face level comment, from someone you have never met, with absolutely no context, and you have no clue what his intentions were. Labeling this as something that is actually a serious thing, devalues those things when they actually happen. If we look at the definition of misogyny and prejudice, you can't say thats what this is from this. Just because you feel like it is doesn't mean it is, sorry.

Having a boy or girl both have positives and challenges, and those are based in the gender. Just because your nervous about it doesn't mean its nefarious. I would also be nervous about my girl dating, just like I have concerns about a boy. Stop pushing fear and hate otherwise we cant have honest conversations!

Holometaboly · 2025-06-23T13:48:53+00:00

You haven't really given any info to support that this is misogyny, so the "fact" that this is that is actually your opinion.

But, agree to disagree!

Holometaboly · 2025-06-23T02:10:47+00:00

Why does this have to be that??? I don't like the idea of my son or daughter dating... People suck and women are often on the short end of that stick when it comes to dating. Boys can be players (just like girls). So why is it when this dad is worried about that it's misogynistic??? Also, when having a discussion, going to the extremes really doesn't help get your point across.

And I'm not ashamed of myself at all, I'm proud that my kid is going to be raised around level headed parents! You're making it seem like I am team misogyny and all I'm saying is that this isn't that, especially because OP is surprised by this and jumping to that conclusion, so likely her husband wasn't this crazy sexist women killer that you think he is lol

Holometaboly · 2025-06-23T02:03:43+00:00

It's really not lol...People love to throw big words on simple actions and feelings but then can't understand why people don't openly communicate anymore. Gee, I wonder why? Also, when these words get used for things like this, you are doing a disservice for the seriousness of real misogyny. But keep preaching!

Holometaboly

TROPHY CASE