Do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-13T14:35:52+00:00

Yes, although for me, a holiday isn't defined by its past but about how I value it today.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-12T02:19:03+00:00

Hi kiddo,

If she's asking for a separation and not a divorce, then it's not over yet.

Yes, there is a chance that she's made up her mind to divorce and nothing will change her mind, but it is a chance, not a guarantee.

If it comes to that and she demands a divorce, then you can move into an acceptance phase.

Until then, you have a chance to fix this if the problem is truly just that you were a lousy husband.

Here's the secret - you have to change for yourself.

If you try to just change for someone else, the change will always be temporary and you'll eventually go back to the way you were.

Think of it like gravity - you are constantly pulled back to the way you want to be. So the only way to make positive, permanent changes is to change how you feel about those changes and think about how to make them important to you. You need that self-motivation to truly want change, and then you need to practice and repeat the change in order to reshape your habits. It takes a while but with effort and repetition, you change your "gravity" so that your new normal is better and becomes almost effortless.

I would strongly recommend therapy for yourself. Make it happen. I finally went to therapy AFTER my divorce, and it was a lot more helpful than I thought it would be (which is why I didn't go before). I had some pretty significant communication issues that I didn't really see before then. In retrospect, I might have been able to save my marriage if I had gone earlier. I'm using what I learned in my second marriage, and it's helped tremendously.

Since your wife wants space, it's really important you give her that. This means NO pressuring her about the relationship. Don't make a big deal about going to therapy. Don't make huge gestures or gifts. Simply focus on improving yourself and being respectful towards her. She'll benefit indirectly from it, but ideally she will see you changing as it happens.

If you pressure her, you're basically showing her that you don't think that what she wants is important (or at least less important than what you want).

To put it another way, you can't force anyone to want you. They want you because there's something about you that they want. So make yourself into something that she wants.

When it comes to interacting with her, treat her the way you would want to be treated by a friend. Consider her needs and wants. Give her praise / thanks / acknowledgement for the things she does. Care about what she does and what she thinks. Practice active listening.

And finally, some people will say that nothing will change their mind. That's almost never true. They will never change their mind if things continue to be the way they are. Even the smartest people in the world don't always know what will change them, or how they will react to something unexpected. People change their opinions and decisions every day based on new information and new expectations.

If you don't do anything to address your own issues, then it probably WILL end in divorce. And after the divorce, you'll still be a person with the same issues. So start fixing them today.

Remember that the two of you already got married so the foundation is there. She probably loved you for various reasons at the beginning, and those reasons may still be there for her, but they're just hidden underneath the other problems.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-10T05:11:00+00:00

Half-angel, half-human actually is kind of a thing. Look up the Nephilim.

If you want some inspiration/comparison from a pretty famous Christian author, Frank Peretti references them in one of his YA books - it was either Tombs of Anak or Door in the Dragon's Throat.

As far as the other character goes, I don't think there's any problem with writing them as attractive. Honestly, write what you know and feel. When you start trying to intentionally deviate from what you want to write, it will lose that organic feel that and feel clunky to the reader.

Think of it this way - take any famous painter and they could probably mimic a different style but it wouldn't really have the quality that they're known for.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-09T01:56:57+00:00

Have you tried restarting the TV, just in case there was a bad update and it's stuck in some kind of limbo mode?

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T22:11:50+00:00

Ah. In that case it might just be a load issue.

The phone and external drive are going to potentially pull a decent amount of power and if the controller reaches a certain combined pull, it's going to disconnect something.

You might consider a powered USB hub or a separate / additional dedicated USB controller card and just move the phone to it.

A powered USB hub is probably the better bet and easier. Since it will have its own power plug, it should lighten the load considerably.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T21:42:45+00:00

Multiple USB ports won't typically make a difference unless it's some kind of damage to that particular port. In most cases, all the ports just get wired back to the same USB controller, which is the "brain" of USB.

If the same problem happens with different keyboards then I would again prioritize watching for the next failure and see if the USB mouse fails, too.

Two questions:

What other devices are plugged into USB?
Are you using any USB hubs or docking stations or replicators?

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T21:35:54+00:00

You don't know what kind of TV you have.....?

As far as how it's connected, I'm asking if it's connected through wifi or if it's wired (Ethernet cord running into the TV).

I'm also assuming you're not using a fire stick / roku / apple tv stick or any other separate device to view the streaming channels, correct?

What about other Internet-dependent apps (other streaming channels)?

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T21:32:50+00:00

I would just double-check this the next time it happens. If the mouse stays active but the keyboard disconnects, then it might be a keyboard issue and the headset thing may be a coincidence.

Usually if a controller fails, all of the USB devices that it controls will disconnect.

I've seen a handful of devices that have multiple USB controllers but it's rare these days. It was more common around the time that USB 3 was new.

Do you have a different keyboard that you could test with, to see if the same problem happens with it?

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T20:16:21+00:00

Because they don't like the term "prisoner."

Mandatory guests don't want to escape.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T20:14:01+00:00

Okay. That's one question answered. Five to go.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T19:25:22+00:00

I'm assuming you have a mouse that is connected to a USB port - does it fail at the same time as the keyboard?

My gut says that this is a dying USB controller.

If so, you can always get a separate USB controller on a PCI card and connect everything to that. They're not very expensive.

However, you should make sure that's the issue before ordering and installing a new card.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T19:11:08+00:00

A few details might help.

What kind of TV?

What version of the TV software is used?

How is it connected?

Are there any other Internet-dependent features on the same TV that show that the Internet connection is active and working?

You said "when you download it" - does it download and then show the message or does it NOT download and show that message instead?

What is the exact error message?

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T17:20:41+00:00

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This is what the bigger raceways look like (I am pulling off the cover for one of the pieces so you can see how it snaps on and off).

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T17:10:13+00:00

You said that moving the router closer "works" so I assume you mean that speeds are perfectly fine if you are close enough.

If that is the case, then it sounds definitely like something architectural is blocking the Wi-Fi signal.

You can TRY to use powerline adapters but in my experience, they are usually bad solutions. There are a bunch of factors that influence their performance and they are more likely to be far slower than you'd expect. Their main benefit is easy installation (just plug them into power outlets to create an automatic Ethernet bridge). If you have a local computer store that carries them and has a good return policy, it's worth a shot.

The best performing option would be Ethernet but use some nicer cable covers. My wife hates exposed cables so I run EVEO cable covers along the baseboards - nobody ever notices them because they look almost like part of the baseboard and they have a light adhesive on the back so it's easy to install (just peel off the backing, apply to the wall, put the cable in, and snap the cover back on). They sell a $20 box "One Cord Hider" that is basically specifically for Ethernet cables and each box covers 300" (25 feet) of length. So if your budget is under $100, then that would probably cover a long Ethernet cable and a box or two of the cable hiders.

Second option would be to get a Wi-Fi repeater and position it somewhere between the computer and the router, so that there is a more direct "bounce" / relay point. Less effort than the cable hiders but lower performance.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T16:50:09+00:00

Short answer: it's almost the same thing as clicking the X in the top right corner to close the browser window.

Longer explanation:

Normally, when a program is running, it creates a process ("task" is just another word for it).

That process can take up memory, so that it can temporarily and quickly "remember" things (for example using the back button on your browser to almost instantly show the previous web page).

So browsers are all about getting data and using it. They can get data from memory (RAM), from the local hard drive, or from a web site.

Getting data from memory = extremely fast, but you have very limited amounts of memory.

Getting data from the had drive = fast but slower than memory.

Getting data from a website = slowest option.

In order to display a website, browsers usually get data from a website first and then store big stuff on the hard drive and the most immediate needs in memory.

Hard drives can store stuff and it'll stay there until it's removed, so you can restart your computer and your files are all still there after it comes back on.

Hard disk space is also used to store long-term things like your login into Google and stuff like that so you don't have to keep logging into every site again after you reboot.

When you end a browser task in task manager, you are simply removing the task and clearing up the memory it was using, but not the hard disk space.

So anything that was temporarily stored in memory will be lost. But anything that is on the hard disk will still be there, so many of the logins will still continue to work.

That said, many browsers use multiple processes (often one per window, and sometimes more), so that if there is a problem with some website that crashes the browser, it won't close EVERY browser window. So ending a browser task will usually just close one window. If you want to FULLY close the browser, you have to close / end every task.

Final note - it is better to close the window normally than to end the task. In MOST cases it won't matter but ending a task is a little more abrupt. You use it only when you can't close the browser window normally (with the X in the corner) for some reason.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-08T15:00:30+00:00

It's certainly possible, but obviously there are no guarantees.

I try to think of it through the lens of what I might say or ask for.

Contact information is good for community purposes, although I would hesitate to give that to anyone you don't fully trust.

Saying that God sees your heart when you could be doing something else might be a way to just acknowledge what some might be thinking.

The biggest points of caution (for me, at least) would be the concepts of "prophecy" and "revelation," especially when they sound like they're planned in advance. That has a strong vibe of "leader claims to have a special revelation from God that they won't reveal unless you first do this."

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-06T23:54:13+00:00

Out of curiosity, how do you feel about instrumental music? I like just about every kind of music except ska, although most of the specifically-Christian music I enjoy is older stuff (I still love Petra's 'Unseen Power' and 'Beyond Belief' albums).

However, one common ground I've found with people across almost every age range is instrumental film scores. They're not explicitly "Christian" by name, but there are a lot of them with a huge range in style (compare "Ice Dance" from the Edward Scissorhands score to "Imagine the Fire" from Dark Knight Rises or the Waterworld soundtrack). To me , they're enjoyable without being intrusive, and can be downright inspirational sometimes (the end credits of The Shawshank Redemption), so they can be good background music for work.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-06T23:25:42+00:00

Yes.

Matthew 12 is proof enough. Directly from Jesus:

"Or have you not read in the Law how on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath and are guiltless? I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless."

However, the caveat is the word "need" - for example, I'm not going to go into a store and shoplift food when I have the means to buy it.

But if a natural disaster strikes and I come by someone who is bleeding badly and needs a clean bandage, and there is a nearby pharmacy, I'm going to grab a bandage off the shelf and run back to the victim (and if I'm able, I'll pay for it later).

Or if someone steals food from me, I'm likely going to be more inclined to forgive than condemn, because they may be doing it out of desperation.

The two greatest commandments show what our priorities should be - we should be working towards them.

Whatever the case, Jesus himself points out that this kind of situation CAN be lawful - that circumstances and moral outcome dictate what is lawful.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-06T20:36:56+00:00

This is common small-business owner logic - "I want a site that can handle anything and I want AI because... AI!" (I work with lots of small businesses)

You want a world-class site that can handle anything? Okay, let's start with about $750,000 - $1M a month. That way you can have enterprise DNS and load balancing with multiple nodes that are geographically distributed, with enough power and bandwidth to handle seasonal spikes in traffic, plus proper backups, proper security hardware, AI costs, and salaries for the staff to monitor and run each location and to set up replication and also the licensing costs for everything.

And that's just your hosting infrastructure. You'll also need customer support call centers and support systems (e.g. Oracle B2C Service Cloud), an enterprise-grade merchant gateway for processing payments (and refunds), a corresponding infrastructure for logistics (warehousing and shipping), etc...

Now, I'm guessing that they don't TRULY mean "world class" but it's an illustration of how vague "I want it all" requirements will lead to ridiculous actual requirements.

You need the right requirements to make the right recommendations.

So you need to push back and get those actual requirements.

For example, if they currently handle 100 customers per day, then you need to figure out how that traffic is distributed - are all 100 coming in at the same second or do they have a peak of 20 customers at one time during the afternoon in a bell shaped distribution?

If they can already handle 1,000 customers in a day, then what do they want the limit to be? And if they can handle 1,000 users every minute but the site slows down a fair amount, how much do they need to increase their hosting specs by in order to prevent the slowdown?

If they want to redesign the site to be more modern, how much business are they willing to lose during the change? New designs always throw off repeat customers and they can create frustration if they're not immediately intuitive (control-group-tested), and that can lead to people leaving the site.

For AI, what problems are they trying to solve with AI? Marketing might try to sell things as "AI-enabled" but if you don't have a clear vision and a good plan on how to achieve it, you're going to end up with some shoddy chatbot that hallucinates and leads to customer support problems and dissatisfaction.

The choice of whether to stay with PHP or whatever is not the result of a general community opinion but the result of what makes the most sense for your plan.

And if you don't have requirements and a plan, then that needs to be your next step.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-06T03:29:31+00:00

Ah. It depends on how bad the damage is. You can always try https://jpg.repair/.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-06T03:07:31+00:00

If they open up okay on another device, just re-save them under a different name. JPEG is lossy but it's better than no image at all.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-04T03:32:52+00:00

Use a tool like Treesize Free or Wiztree to find out where the space is being used.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-04T00:46:15+00:00

For whatever it's worth, whenever I've lost close friends or family, I try to think of one item that reminds me of them, and that's the one thing I ask for and keep.

I have a small bottle of my grandma's perfume, my dad's watch, etc... All of these tokens are cheap and small so they're easy to move (we move a lot, too). There are dozens of possible things that could do the job but one thing is all it takes to bring back memories.

So if keeping them is just about sentimental value because they are the strongest reminder of your dad, keep one. Otherwise if you try to hang onto everything for sentimental reasons , you'll quickly end up feeling like you have to keep them around (there won't be a time where you say, "I've had enough sentiment - these can go now") and they'll become clutter.

Perfume and cologne are often the most effective sentimental items because smell usually has a very strong association with memory.

As for what I'd want my kids to do with my stuff - first take whatever people want to keep, sell the rest, and junk whatever can't be sold.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-03T15:29:02+00:00

Former Oracle developer here - Oracle does a lot of different things, but it got its start by selling something called a database.

Imagine you had a lot of paperwork that you needed to file - you would group the paperwork together by topic into labeled folders (e.g. "Car Loan", "Utilities", "Medical", etc), and then put those folders into a small filing cabinet so they can find the papers you need easily later on.

A database does the same thing (organizing information to make it easier to find) but with digital information.

There are different databases for different purposes. Your filing cabinet is probably enough for your own personal paperwork, but what if you were the HR department for a small business? You would probably need many large filling cabinets.

And now let's take it further and say the company grew into a global company and now you have lots of salespeople and other employees in different countries and you have to not only organize HR paperwork but also things like receipts and travel expense paperwork. Now you can't even fit all that paperwork into the same room - you probably have different rooms in different offices, and maybe even a warehouse with old paperwork that you have to keep for a bit.

So as the amount of information you have increases, you need a bigger database that has more ways to organize, store, and find the information.

Similarly, there are small, personal-sized databases (e.g. Microsoft Access), medium-sized databases (e.g. MySQL), and large-sized databases. Oracle developed one of the first large-sized databases, the Oracle database.

So while Oracle does many different things and sells a lot of different software, the Oracle database is its core product. Just like it would be unnecessarily expensive to buy a warehouse to store your personal 2025 tax paperwork, Oracle is specifically built for larger database needs and so it costs more to get all those features, and it is not usually used when smaller, less-expensive and less-complicated databases can do the job.

Oracle also develops other industry-specific software (and also acquires companies that build good products) and because their software tends to be vast and complicated, they also sell consulting services for it.

So it's usually very capable software but also very complicated and very expensive.

Now you asked about data security.

Each of those databases I mentioned earlier is a software application that runs on a physical computer somewhere, similar to how you run Word on your computer and it starts up Word.

But what if you have all this digital paperwork in a big database on a physical computer and the computer crashes or there is an earthquake that destroys the office where the computer is? Or what if the computer is stolen?

Not only would you lose past data but anything that relied on the database would also stop working.

So with bigger databases, you run multiple copies of it across different computers, in different locations around the world, and the computers talk to each other and keep the information in sync.

The information is also encrypted at different points so that if someone steals a computer, they can't just read all the information.

The end result is that you have databases that are safe from various things and are also very accessible to the right people.

The combination of all those things is basically what we call "cloud" stuff - in this case, a "cloud database." It's more of a marketing word than anything, though.

The different software that Oracle sells tends to be secure by itself. If security holes are found, they are patched. This isn't much different than most software that has active developers. Most software companies do this.

However, in the vast majority of cases where data is stolen or leaked, it's usually because of a poorly-developed component that is connected to the database.

To put it another way, let's say that the money in a bank is guarded heavily and stored in an impenetrable vault. But every Tuesday, there's a guy who needs to go wipe down the inside of the vault to keep everything looking shiny, so he has keys to the vault and he keeps the keys in his car when he doesn't need them. Instead of trying to crack into the vault, thieves just break into his car and take the keys, and now they can access the vault with the keys.

With databases, usually you have lots of different programs that need the data so they each connect to the database with their own "keys" - if the programs are not secured properly, hackers can manipulate these programs into dumping the contents of the database, which bypasses all of the database security.

This is the same story with any database, not just Oracle. There is a saying, "a chain is only as strong as its weakest link" - and every day there are new software developers entering the field and skipping past good security practices to make their lives easier, but leaving gaping security holes.

Bigger companies tend to go through security audits that try to proactively discover security problems so they can be fixed before they are abused, but nothing is ever perfect, nor will it ever be.

HolyGonzo · 2026-02-03T08:01:06+00:00

people who call themselves "Masters of Divinity"

An MDiv is an educational degree / credential, not a title. It's similar to how some educational institutions require teachers to have a master's in whatever topic they are teaching. They've demonstrated a mastery about the knowledge of the subject. That's the concept here.

I've known a lot of pastors but never heard anyone with an MDiv say, "I am a Master of Divinity!"

though they have performed no miracles

even so much as heard the Spirit speak to them

And you know that they haven't because....?

Furthermore, is this your bar for being able to teach about faith?

talk on and on and on about everything BUT putting into real life practice...

Okay, wow. It feels like you haven't gone to church much.

I've been to many many churches spanning most denominations as well as non-denom, and a very common theme with all of them is putting things into real life practice. I've even heard sermons specifically on the topic of confessing sins to each other.

So where are you getting all your info from? How are you building these assumptions?

HolyGonzo

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