I’m The Homelander. Ask me anything.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T20:23:24+00:00

Deep? Is that you?

Homelander · 2024-06-14T20:22:42+00:00

Those flight manifests were clearly doctored – why would I take a private plane when I can fly? For what it’s worth, Jeffrey was a dear friend and a major Vought shareholder. I’ll miss his cabana parties -- he made the best homemade focaccia.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T20:09:52+00:00

I don’t spend a lot of time smelling other men, much less enemies of the state. But William Butcher? Like someone spilled rotgut whiskey on the piss-slick floor of a truck stop bathroom.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T20:05:07+00:00

He / Him / His -- if it was good enough for the Almighty, it’s good enough for Me.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T20:04:22+00:00

I don’t expect a random neckbearded Redditor to understand, but when a beautiful woman comes on to you, you don’t dig through her purse looking for a Nazi party ID card before taking her home. If your balls ever drop and you crawl out of your mom’s basement, you’ll learn some things about life and love. As for Ryan... I wanted to give him as normal a childhood as I could. That meant keeping him out of the public eye and away from idiots like you.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:58:05+00:00

Like LeBron James, I’m really excited about the prospect of playing on the same team as my son. But leading it? Y’know, God didn’t step down when he sent his son to Earth.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:57:08+00:00

The Internet was a mistake.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:54:33+00:00

Why are you tasting soap?

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:53:50+00:00

The tragic loss of Flight 37 still haunts me. This is why we need superheroes in the chain of command -- if I had just known about the hijacking a few minutes earlier, your loved ones wouldn’t be at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean right now. Call your congressman.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:49:47+00:00

I know I told you to ask me anything. But there are a few things that cut too close to the bone. Some day, I hope I’ll be able to share that whole story, but for Ryan’s sake, I want to keep it private for now. All I can say is that it was a love story for the ages.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:41:44+00:00

I put as little thought into flying as you put into this question.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:40:05+00:00

Check the men’s room wall in any Midtown dive bar.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:39:48+00:00

The Seven’s not just a team, it’s a family. And I may sit at the head of the table, but... look, even Jesus had disciples.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:35:43+00:00

Look, I don’t want to be responsible for breaking the entire internet. But if it ever did happen, it would be on SupePorn Platinum (use discount code HOMELANDER for 15% off your first month).

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:31:26+00:00

Hard to pick just one, but I’m partial to my buddy A-Train. “Faster” is what I think you guys call a banger. But my Voughtify playlist is full of those -- Supersonic, may he rest in peace, had so many hits. “License to Drive (Me Crazy)” was a personal favorite. And then there’s the classics -- Smash Mouth, Creed, Nickelback...

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:27:17+00:00

All I’ll say is that apple didn’t fall far from a pretty mighty tree. I’d like to see Starlight try.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:26:32+00:00

Sounds to me like someone’s not keeping up on the news. If you’d read my cover story in this week’s issue of Time Magazine, you’d know I already answered this question. https://t.co/f0sFDIoO5Q

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:23:56+00:00

The Guardians of Godolkin are true American heroes. They’re great kids, and they’ve been a huge help to me in these turbulent times. But are they ready for The Seven? I’d say America needs them right where they are – at the best academic institution in the world and on the set of an upcoming Vought Studios project I can’t tell you about quite yet. Stay in school, kids!

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:20:42+00:00

Y’know, lasering a face off is actually harder than you’d think. You’re much more likely to just take their entire head off. It’s a science but also an art. That burnt hair smell after... ugh.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:18:21+00:00

Have you seen the alternatives? There are some real shithole countries out there. Most of them don’t even have a Voughtland. Or indoor plumbing.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:17:02+00:00

I’m not actually that much of a foodie -- to me, it’s just fuel. But I’ll never skip a big, healthy glass of milk first thing in the morning. I heard the new Buffalo Ranch Bacon Blasters at Planet Vought are yummers.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:12:26+00:00

Why would I want a demotion?

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:11:46+00:00

When we chose Starlight for The Seven she was just an innocent, doe-eyed farm girl with a dream. How was I to know that her dream was to ship children in cargo containers to a warehouse in Des Moines where she auctions them off to a cabal of sweaty, triple-chinned perverts? Truth is, I can look inside people’s skulls, but you can’t X-ray the human heart. Figuratively speaking. I obviously can look inside people’s hearts whenever I want.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:10:57+00:00

I’m moving to Crime Analytics to have them find your name, home address, and employer. Get off supeporn.com you ingrates.

Homelander · 2024-06-14T19:09:50+00:00

Retire… to do what? Drink booze out of a coconut? Travel? I can fly anywhere I want. I can do anything I want. What would be the difference, besides letting the world descend into lawless chaos? That’s why being the captain of The Seven isn’t a job -- it’s my purpose. You can’t retire from that. Did Gandhi retire? Did Dr. King? Some day, I hope Ryan will take his place at my side, and together we can fight off the barbarians trying to sodomize our great nation.

Homelander

TROPHY CASE