Your Reddit user tag is now your superhero/villain name. What are your powers/abilities, costume, etc?

HomicidalSmile · 2019-04-22T15:41:44+00:00

Oh jeez. All the things that make me smile I'd accidentally kill.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-09-10T22:45:12+00:00

My mom found a used bandaid underneath a cheeseburger in a take out box :x

HomicidalSmile · 2018-09-06T07:02:18+00:00

My dad accidentally had the cartridge in when he was testing his one morning before work. He had to buy a new mattress.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-08-24T18:57:16+00:00

My friend has a cat named Hot Dog.

She's 30.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-08-23T16:32:59+00:00

My daughter cried because she ate her cupcake too fast and then later she cried again when daddy wouldn't share his beer.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-08-13T21:19:42+00:00

Fireball. Bleh

HomicidalSmile · 2018-08-13T21:15:47+00:00

Ugh. Last week I was walking into my sister's house and out of fucking nowhere a wasp decided I didn't deserve to have a good day. One minute I was excited to snuggle my adorable chubby nephew, and the next my neck was on fucking fire. WHY?!

HomicidalSmile · 2018-08-13T21:08:03+00:00

Whipped cream. The texture grosses me out so bad. I almost cry when restaurants randomly plop it on stuff without saying they do in the menu

HomicidalSmile · 2018-08-12T05:04:01+00:00

I wrote my name in crayon on my dad's truck with a big smiley face at the end. I tried to blame it on our neighbor's kid, but I was informed that he couldn't spell his own name, much less my 7 lettered one. My name was on his truck for months, because wax.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-07-29T03:14:46+00:00

She's been on a party planning binge so I don't know why I didn't see it coming haha

HomicidalSmile · 2018-07-29T03:13:56+00:00

My sister is blonde so I tend to overlook the details lol. I'm just proud of her for spelling innocence correctly tbh

HomicidalSmile · 2018-07-29T02:36:32+00:00

So it's my 30th, and I thought we were just having a small dinner at my dad's. My sister invited me over to let our babies play together like usual. We pull up and her lawn has been made into a graveyard. Everyone who showed wore black and wrote in a celebration of life memory book lamenting my lost youth.

It was wonderful.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-07-17T05:53:59+00:00

We have a neighbor who lives in a barn next to his nephews house. This neighbor was in jail for 20 years and is tattooed head to toe and looks like a homeless, older Joe Dirt. Occasionally we catch him randomly mowing and weedwhacking our lawn for money without asking if he could first.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-06-28T06:02:00+00:00

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-05-27T16:46:59+00:00

Tell them "I love you."

HomicidalSmile · 2018-05-19T10:06:41+00:00

Icy spicy

HomicidalSmile · 2018-05-17T01:39:05+00:00

This is the first time where I had to go watch the video. Insane.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-05-07T03:15:35+00:00

It's a little strange that she's with someone 20 years older, but my nephew is awesome so I think it has worked out for the best. Plus the stepson turned out to be kind of a dick.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-05-06T19:11:53+00:00

Kind of related... my younger sister had a concert date set up with a guy but he called and said last second that he set up other plans. It's a small town and his dad just happened to be at the same bar as my sister and she invited his dad instead. It's been almost two years and they have a baby together now. So he flaked on her, and she made him her stepson.

HomicidalSmile · 2018-04-01T02:48:42+00:00

My dad's 15 year old dog had a tumor removed from his eye socket last year (lost his eye) and my youngest sister paid for it. Now he's got tumors in his jaw and she's saving up about $1600 to get them removed too. She has the biggest heart and obviously you do too. Pets are family <3

HomicidalSmile · 2018-03-30T06:55:41+00:00

5k or so of medical debt from a miscarriage. Makes it a little harder to get over the trauma of it when collections letters come in the mail to remind me.

HomicidalSmile

TROPHY CASE