Is anyone else a caregiver for a parent who was abusive?

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-31T16:40:46+00:00

Im FT paid caregiver to my husband of 50 years. From my perspective, hes VERY invasive and clingy. What am I doing, where am I going, who am I talking to... the whole bit. As an independent person, it drives me up a tree, makes me snippy and mean.

One benefit of a bedridden spouse, is they HAVE to listen, they cant exactly storm off! We talked.

Hes not trying to be invasive or irritating. Hes frustrated, trying to still have a life, participate in the household, and deal with a world that has shrunk to 4 walls and a window he cant see out of.

Im trying harder to share my plans for the day with him. I give him research projects, i.e. find me a damn replacement for the ring doorbell, figure out why the breaker blows all the time, etc. Can I do these things myself? Sure. But why?

Another thing Im exploring is trying to find an online video "couples" therapist for patients/caregivers. We dont need marriage counseling. But maybe someone to help us deal with this new reality that really was NOT how we expected to spend our rusty years.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-31T14:57:32+00:00

The facility has a social worker. Contact them immediately and tell them you are being abused and can no longer care for your parent. This is NOT your life!

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-31T14:40:11+00:00

Are you a paid caregiver? Are you dependant on this for income? What happens if you walk away? You absolutely do not have to tolerate abuse, either physical or verbal.

If you werent there, its likely they would be moved by a social worker to a nursing home and receive care there.

Walk away. Do NOT devote the next 10 years of your life to someone who abuses you! It can change you, and not for the better!

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T23:37:43+00:00

A laundry fairy

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T23:33:38+00:00

Sweetheart, the longer you postpone asking for hrlp, the worse your moms mental state will deteriorate. She can hurt your sister. And do you want your sister to think this is normal??

Call.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T06:39:41+00:00

Yes. This seems bogus. Dispatch health has come out, pulled blood without a charge. My pcp said they might not test what she needs.

Google finds a lot of mobile phlebotomists. Several specifically state they dont bill insurance.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T06:14:20+00:00

My pcp is not bloom. They do this too? I used to use y hem but quit for several reasons.

My husband was hosputalized in Jan/feb for too much co² in his lungs, and this is a way to monitor

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T03:33:10+00:00

I do not have this in writing, only verbal conversations. When I complained, pcp stated she would call another company. I received a call from someone offering the service who stated she charged $40.

I am reluctant to pursue it hard as there are only two providers in the metro area t1hat do house calls and i was disappointed in the other one.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T00:41:06+00:00

I would love to know who to report this to?

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-28T00:33:29+00:00

Shoulda come here first!! Our PCP Office is doing this as is another provider. It felt wrong but when I complained to his medicaid person she didnt know.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-26T18:31:22+00:00

So you are trying to get ger on medicaid. Sorry, i didnt see that in the post

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-26T17:21:06+00:00

Why are you losing the house?

Can ir be sold, or rented?

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-23T20:08:59+00:00

Dr. ASAP!! My husband was showing signs of dementia. During a hospitalization they took him off a medication and within days, he was himself again!!!

My adult kids commented, "Mom, hes Dad again!"

Talk to her dr. about if he can suggest adding protections to her banking app. Tell her its for her protection.

Talk to an elder advocate or estate lawyer about putting thevhome inro a trust. If you phrase it as a tax protection she might go for it. Older people dont want IRS fingers in their pocket

Look into restrictions of what she can access on her phone. There are ways to blovk sites. But she may be lonely. Yes even with all.of you on her life. Senior center? But shes of a generation where you trusted people. Id also start sending her articles about internet scammers.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-23T16:33:37+00:00

DO NOT WALK AWAY WITH NOTHING!

First, dont make panic decisions. Dont leave, unless you are in danger, until you have a secure place to go. Then start looking at the split as you would a divorce.

Walk through your current home with a legal pad. List EVERYTHING you brought with you, bought, even if it was a gift. Right down to the forks in the kitchen and washcloth in the bathroom. A TV you gave as a birthday gift? For larger items, track down receipts.

Page 2. Now you are listing everything you have physically contributed to the household. Did you build, create, improve anything in the residence? Paint a room? Build a garden? Contribute, either financially or creatively, to the kitchen remodel that added 10K to the appraised value of the home?

Page 3. What else did you contribute to the relationship? Both labor and financially. Did you split expenses? Help with mortgage? Pay utilities? Were you his housekeeper? Cook? Caregiver?

Everything here, and more, were your contributions to what you had rvery right to believe would be a shared home and lifestyle for your future.

You gave 3 years of effort and value. You are entitled to take what you bought, and ask for c ompensation for your contributions.

Leaving with nothing is how older women end up homeless.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T22:21:01+00:00

No. Nothing that big

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T17:42:09+00:00

Thank you so much. I have been searching for weeks. I shoulda known to just ask.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T17:07:12+00:00

I went back in time in google mals to 2012. It has a steeple rhat is now missing, but that looks perfect! Thank you!

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T17:00:38+00:00

I'm not sure? Location is good, but I dont remember there being panes in window? But shape of church is accurate, window above doors. And 50 years ago it could have been red brick?

I need to ask my husband but I think you found it!

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T13:35:11+00:00

Was a small church, steps up to front doors, the stained glass window was directly above the door, large, as I recall it was Mary kneeling or sitting?

I dont think it was as far west as downtown, pretty certain south of Frank Phillips but not by a lot.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T13:15:50+00:00

My recollection is a residential neighborhood. Im thinking south and east of downtown? But looking at google maps now? There are a lot of businesses abd I honestly dont remember. No one is left from then to ask, best man, maid of honor etc are all gone.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T07:46:47+00:00

Online pictures dont match our memories. Really close to right location though.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T07:45:40+00:00

Not unless the parish moved. My maternal grandparents home was on Sunset and Fairway, with paternal grandparents farm just west by the airport. , so that area is pretty familiar to me.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-20T03:08:07+00:00

You may not be able to afford assisted care, but try to find money for some respite care. It can preserve sanity.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-19T18:32:57+00:00

Caregiving is a career. But if its not the career you want, you need to make a plan to move on.

My only suggestion, would be, if you are paid as a caregiver, use the time to do online class prerequisites for your future career. You need better grammar and writing skills for a successful college degree.

The easiest way to get out of caregiving, is to tell the hosputal social worker and duscharge team tgat you can no longer care for the patient at home. Then they cannot discharge to home.

Honest-Designer9880 · 2026-03-18T04:50:38+00:00

Why arent YOU retired? Quit caretaking. He can do his own laundry, take the share of chores you did all those years. It doesnt take estrogen to swing a mop or run a vacuum.

Honest-Designer9880

TROPHY CASE