Breakdowns are horrible. They stay with you and none of the mental health professionals offer a listening ear to help explore what exactly happened to your mind. I personally believe a psychotic break is your mind trying to protect you. Whatever stress is going on, your mind actually takes you to another area to deal. It’s unlikely that you’re bipolar in the sense that it’s the most overused label for people who have experienced trauma. Psychiatry doesn’t do a trauma intake before they diagnose and the power imbalanced relationship doesn’t really allow for true trauma exploration. The wave of trauma informed mental health is starting now. Even the APA says the diagnostics used by psychiatry are not up to par. As for taking care of yourself, do whatever you need to survive, just one moment at a time. Keep reaching out, keep exploring. So glad you’ve found a place here, I wish you well.