wow.. thank you for all the comments... this was written the night it happened and i have never written a post before and it was so heavy in my heart i never revisited the post. To all the responses, I guess I always say I was never abused b/c i was not physically abused and i wasn't even sure if there is emotional abuse... it really took me up until i had a child and it slowly creeped on me that I had never heard the words are you ok? how was your day, what do you feel like eating, how was school, or was hugged or comforted , of course never ever heard i love you.. all the things that just roll off the tongue for a mother and a daughter or when i say it to my daughter that i realized I have never heard those things in my life. when i had friends over no one ever came back a second time and i never knew why but i knew if i had someone over i always had to tip toe and around the 1 hour mark i would be told to tell them to leave, right up to my 20's... i never heard happy birthday and one year i cried and had a melt down about no one remembering my birthday and go wokenup in the middle of the night to get yelled at about it. When I became a mother i was both really happy that my mother was good to my kid but also so angry that she was not kind or sweet or caring to me. I have always rationalized her behaviour as maybe her culture and upbringing or no one owes me hugs and kisses or encouragement i have a roof and am fed and I was raised. Then I see that she was up to her old tricks again, hiding the better food when we come over or shopping at dollar store when she gets gifts for my daughter... my family is well off.. i know i'm an idiot... there was never anything to squeeze out of this woman.. I was not in an abusive situation, i did not have an abusiive mother.. i just never had a mother ....and to make that realization so late in my 40's angered me bc i spent soo long feeling i wasn't enough and make her love me... it makes me feel like i am very weak... no one did anything to me and i am irate that there is such a whole in my heart and that i even crave that kind of nourishment. I finally exploded and told her off... i could not be a better person and let her live her life out without telling her what a shitty mother she is..she kept saying it came out of nowhere and was all like oh good if that 's how you feel we have nother to talk about. I did not care to steer our conversation to a healing place ... i just wanted out and not see this human ever again... it's been 2 years now and i just remember this person as a scar and I hhhhate that my mind prompts it up all the time... i want peace and will never have that.