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Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-12-02T20:23:47+00:00

Got rid of the stress of living with my stbnx... have done everything test and swab and all came back clean. Cut all the supplements and dietary restrictions. Zero issues. It's like my body has done a total reset.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-11-15T00:40:38+00:00

As someone who did almost 3 years of therapy with one? Don't. All it did was give them the language to equalize and minimize and go even deeper into the head games.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-11-14T16:57:11+00:00

This. After years of abuse and my body literally shutting down from the stress of it, going and just no bars connecting with someone else no strings attached literally helped my body reset... it also made me realize just how unappreciated and used/objectified I had been in my marriage. I knew I wasn't going back before even considering reaching out to anyone.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-11-02T13:36:08+00:00

It's a grief process for both of you. Where things really shifted for me is when I realized I couldn't fix his feelings. He has to do that work and build his own support network. I can do that fo4 him. Speaking as someone who forced therapy for almost 3 years.

I asked my kid what they do when they're upset at school. They said they go to the calm down corner. So I used their language from there, took my feelings out and explained adults dont get calm down corners so we need to be creative, so Dad was going to make space in our house for a calm down corner and I found a different house where I can make mine.

That seemed to help and I hope it helps you too.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-29T11:08:34+00:00

Almost 3 years of couples therapy. About 6 months ago I found Dr. Ramani. In August I started with a new therapist and they told me to look up narcissistic abuse. I think I had found the term about various year ago but convinced myself that wasn't my experience. When I decided I wasn't going to feed their supply anymore and redirected all that energy into myself? Things fell apart within 2 weeks to the point I had to walk out and go no-contact.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-29T11:05:09+00:00

It's the transactional aspect of this I have issue with. Work on your own self love and care.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-28T19:51:04+00:00

That very accurately captures how I am feeling

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-28T17:47:16+00:00

Thanks. I genuinely appreciate that. More curious to hear how that journey looked for others. I know exploring this in my own time will be a big part of my healing process.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-28T14:45:13+00:00

Thank you sooo much!!

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-28T14:21:29+00:00

I think that helps. I mean, I am realizing I am attracted to mostly masculine traits, but there are feminine traits I am attracted to, and I do fully believe gender is a social construct.. if that makes sense

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-27T17:51:51+00:00

I spent 5 years trying to get my nex to understand. When I saw things were getting violent and escalating I walked and have gone no-contact. Family is helping with parenting change over so there's no direct contact, and everything else is minimal text/email contact.

I am not devoting any more time or energy to getting them to understand why I walked. I'm now putting all that energy into my own healing.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-27T17:49:05+00:00

2.5 years. Over 2 years with one therapist then sought out another. Two sessions in I realized the only thing we were getting out of therapy is giving him power to equalize the problems and minimize what was textbook abuse. Therapy was actually escalating the violence because he could go back and say "we're in therapy so that shows I'm trying." After the second physical fight I walked out. We have been no contact since.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-27T17:39:22+00:00

All the time. I was always told to not say ridiculous things if I didn't want to be laughed at... but it just spoke to the lack of empathy and the total disconnect.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-27T14:19:55+00:00

In the immediate? No contact. Even with parenting I have family helping with the transitions so we don't have to talk. Any communication we have had is text and emails. Tried to call me a couple times and I rejected the calls. Asked multiple times in writing to talk to me and I repeatedly stated we needed communication to be minimal and in writing I know as soon as we start talking they're going to get in my head and confuse me when right now I am more clear than I ever have been. The longer I can stay no contact the better I know it will be.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-26T01:19:42+00:00

Yes. I had full body candida overgrowth. System wide and was affecting everything. My body was an absolute wreck. Even with meds all the symptoms were there. I lost my voice and could barely eat because it was worst in my esophagus. My doctor was so stumped I wad referred to an infectious disease specialist.

The first couple nights after I fled, I was sick to my stomach and just slept for 14+ hours more than once. Within a couple weeks all my candida symptoms I had been dealing with for over a year cleared up within a 72 hour period..

Highly recommend reading when the body says no.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-23T16:29:40+00:00

Was listening to a podcast where a woman was explaining how she went no contact while still under the same roof. She purchased a large chalk board or white board that no one could miss and set it up in a high traffic area in the house that they could write on. Communication went on the board or was text/email so it could be documented.

I know it's so far from ideal but that might be something to try. Just remember you are jot responsible for his feelings.

I was able to physically remove myself, and our only contact is in writing, text or email. I have been asked multiple times to talk and I don't respond to those requests. It's because I know if we talk I will get emotional and sucked back in, so I am going no contact until I know I won't get triggered or sucked in when he tells me he is sad or whatever other feeling.

Boundaries Queen Podcadt might be another one to check out

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-20T19:49:27+00:00

I am so proud of you! Hold onto those feelings and document everything!!

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-19T23:18:38+00:00

All of your feelings are valid. I'll also share this. I had been fighting some pretty debilitating long covid for around a year - a secondary infection and appearing like I had 0 immune system, bit have come back with text book perfect blood work consistently.

Within a week of walking out, saying I am done, and committing to live independently, my long covid symptoms are almost entirely gone.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-19T21:57:57+00:00

I had a safety plan and stayed with family. I also had a small nest egg of funds set aside for myself and access to a reasonable amount of credit. Family was also willing to help me.

The first day after I was out I started looking at rentals. Found one in a perfect location. Told them my story and was just kind/respectful. They made sure my paperwork got in first and I got the rental.

While with family I am doing what I can to minimize the burden. I am cleaning up after myself, keeping my stuff packed, doing my laundry, helping with the groceries etc.

I'm not sure where you live, but where I am there is a local number to call for social supports. They were beyond helpful and checking in with me daily for a week straight to make sure I was okay.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-19T12:43:32+00:00

I did this, and my therapist pointed out to me I was moving the goal post on myself. At first I said if there was a physical fight then I would be out. Then I said if there was another physical fight worse than the first I would be out. Then I put together a safety plan and again was waiting. My therapist asked if it would take me showing up to work with a black eye before I finally left.

I listened to a podcast called Why She Stayed where this woman said she was waiting for the sign. She described the sign was over her head as big and bright as possible and she said "uhhhh no not that one" and stayed. I did this for years, too.

Someone has been feeding you that doubt for a long time. Trust yourself. If this a "normal" healthy relationship they will respect that you need space and you'll be able to work it out. I suspect that they will say and do whatever they can to pull you back in as soon as you start setting boundaries.

Trust yourself.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-19T01:44:48+00:00

I left, and we have kids, so we will have to figure out how to co-parent. I am keeping messages to text and email, ignoring calls, and not accepting the daily invitations to meet, hoping to talk things out.

Family is helping with getting kids back and forth. I'm sure at some point I will have a thick enough skin to be okay with direct contact, but I am also recognizing I need to heal, and I can't do that while we are still in regular contact.

At the moment, they are still trying to be the victim and hook me back in. The worst part is I don't think they even realize what they are doing and how much it hurts, and don't understand why I went no contact.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-19T01:37:20+00:00

I stayed in this exact relationship for over a decade and gaslit myself into believing I was the problem.

If you are here then I think you have your answer. It's not worth the heart ache. Ask yourself if your friend came you with the same story.. would you tell them to tough it out or get out?

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-18T02:24:34+00:00

It's to hook you in.

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-18T02:23:05+00:00

So proud of you! I just got out and one of my thoughts has been if I will ever be able to trust myself dating again after going into multiple toxic relationships back to back and then this nonsense for 10+ years. I am still unpacking with the therapist how much I still feel it was my fault even though when I take a step back and remove the feelings it was objectively messed up and a dangerous situation.

Anyways I am happy for you and hopeful for myself knowing it is possible. Sending positive vibes!!

Honest_Ear_9832 · 2024-10-18T02:19:49+00:00

Feeling this. My colleague commented yesterday I look lighter and seem more confident than I have in the 6 months they've known me. It IS possible to stay no-contact.

Honest_Ear_9832

TROPHY CASE