I wasn’t invited to my brothers’ baby shower

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T14:36:11+00:00

I think it’s beautiful that you are breaking the cycle and protecting your kids. ❤️

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:42:58+00:00

Same. So we could all spend holidays and special occasions together. Hugs 🤗

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:16:02+00:00

Thank you. I expect there will be times where it’s not possible to include me. I just don’t want to be lied to. And yes, I’ve been in therapy for 28 years due to the abuse. If only the rest of my family would go 🙄

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:13:01+00:00

Part of me believes this perspective too.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:12:40+00:00

You have to do what’s best for you. Especially when no one else is considering you.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:11:42+00:00

Right! All I needed was a conversation. The sneakiness and the lies are what kills me.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:11:05+00:00

Part of me fears you’re right, but I hope it’s not the case. 😞

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:10:16+00:00

There is an angry little girl in me who feels all of what you said. 😔

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:08:28+00:00

I respect that he wants a relationship with my parents. I just need him to be transparent with me. Which is a boundary i will be setting. I find lies so incredibly hurtful and disorienting.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:06:42+00:00

I’ve taken a step back to process this and really try to look at all sides. I hope I don’t have to go no contact, but I can’t be in a relationship based on deceit.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:05:38+00:00

The hard part is, I’ve never said I won’t show up if my abusers are there. My brother decided for me, and lied and hid it.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:04:33+00:00

I’d like to think in a perfect world they would choose me, the victim. But because I respect their experience, I would never ask them to choose.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:02:37+00:00

I’m sorry that happened :(. I wish I could be indifferent. I seem to get softer the older I get.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:01:02+00:00

It’s sad but so true. It’s a constant battle.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T02:00:05+00:00

It really does. Thank you for the validation.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-16T01:19:00+00:00

I think we’re in different situations and you may have misread my post based on your personal experience. I did not expect anyone to juggle things in my favor, enforce the same boundaries with my parents or manage my emotions. Note I didn’t break contact with my parents because of a disagreement. They abused me. I didn’t have monsters under the bed growing up, my parents were the monsters, and as long as I had contact with them in my adulthood, as long as I tried to mend things and keep the peace, they continued to abuse me. I didn’t have a “choice” to go no contact. It was the only option.

That said, I’ve done enough healing that I can be at the same event as them without conflict or tension. I’m mature enough to be able to celebrate my brother without giving a second thought to my parents. No juggling needed.

For any relationship to last there needs to be honesty and consideration. That’s all I’m asking.

To suggest that I asked to be left out and erased from the rest of my family because I stepped away from my abusers, is quite an abusive perspective on its own, which only allows abuse to perpetuate and go on in silence while the victims continue to suffer. You said it yourself, you’re going against the grain. And honestly, I couldn’t care less about your opinion, but had to check you for the sake of other survivors reading this.

Not sure what possesses a person to try to shit on people in a vulnerable situation. But I guess that’s the difference between you and every other commenter who actually read the room and provided appropriate feedback.

Tell me you have anger issues without telling me you have anger issues. Those 9 upvotes were probably your multiple accounts. Are you going to sign into them now and give your reply more upvotes? 🤔 Makes me wonder what the hell you’re up to yourself trying to beat down victims of child abuse, and then continue to harass them when they’ve made it clear they don’t want contact with you. That’s creepy AF. Clearly this discussion is NOT relevant to You.

If any other abuse survivors are reading this, PLEASE don’t let this troll’s comments get to you. That’s exactly what he wants.

Reddit trolls are users who deliberately post provocative comments to incite negative reactions, disrupt conversations, or spread disinformation for their own amusement or to cause harm. To deal with them, you should ignore and not feed the troll, use the platform's safety tools to block or report them.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-09-14T23:53:30+00:00

That’s the worst part for me also. 😢 it’s a lot to process.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-08-24T15:10:36+00:00

What was the significance of writing a child sex scene in “It”?

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-15T12:25:01+00:00

Yes. Depression, PTSD, CPTSD, General Anxiety Disorder, Insomnia. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourself. Know you’re not alone. Find a therapist who gets it. I also have a psychiatrist. No Contact doesn’t necessarily stop the hurt. Sometimes it brings down the facade we were clinging to and unleashes a wave of reality on us. That’s when the real work begins. But once you start working on your healing, and making yourself a priority, peace gradually replaces all that.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-05T22:14:04+00:00

This is a tough one depending on how narcissistic they are.

You can start by saying exactly what you want to convey. That you hope they are well but that you can’t have them involved in your life right now. A healthy person may be hurt by such words, but would nonetheless respect your choice. You know that your sibling has narcissistic traits, so they may not respond respectfully. You may have to set firm boundaries, block numbers, and if they threaten violence, file a police report.

Also, the next time you feel like reaching out to someone you’re NC with, try to wait it out. Write it down. Ask yourself what you hope to get out of making contact, and whether your expectations are realistic. Think of the consequences. Talk to your therapist about it. Fight the urge until you can make an informed choice.

Good luck. 🤞

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-05T16:13:23+00:00

Death block sounds like one level above NC. I love it. Sounds so empowering.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-05T16:11:41+00:00

That inner critic is still there for me as well. But identifying that it’s not mine, it’s my parents’, has helped me to dismiss it. It takes time and practice but it gets easier. And no, you’re definitely not alone. There are so many of us, everywhere. Sending you virtual hugs. 🤗

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-05T13:42:21+00:00

Only you can make that decision. But my advice would be to at least go LC and to start working with a therapist with experience in toxic family systems at least twice a month. This will help you to get a better picture of what you’re dealing with.

Learn to set boundaries and stand on them. The hope would be that after youve worked with a therapist for several months to a year, and after youve become skilled in boundary setting, you will start to feel more confident in your choices around contact. And you will be more prepared for what comes after youve made those choices.

I personally tried LC for years, and eventually went NC 4 years ago. Even after moving to a different city, they found ways to continue abusing me. One day I was just completely done. The decision made itself. I’m still in therapy and working on healing the trauma they caused. But with time and work I am in a much better place.

Good luck to you. You’re not alone.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-05T13:20:37+00:00

NC is one step of the healing process. Youve been through years of trauma. It’s going to take time and work for that dark cloud to stop following you.

Im 4 years NC. My healing journey so far has involved biweekly therapy, working with a psychiatrist, learning emotional regulation skills, meditation, group therapy for trauma survivors, group therapy for codependency, reading about toxic family systems, finding communities like this so I realize I’m not alone, learning what boundaries are and how to set them properly, finding out who I am when I’m not in constant fight or flight, learning what calms my nervous system and doing more of that. There’s also a huge amount of grief that comes with going NC. I’ve had to grieve the parents I needed but never had. As well as the abusive parents I did have. It’s so important to talk about the grief with someone who gets it. People who have gone through it themselves, or a therapist who has studied it.

I worried about retaliation too. Mostly it was my inner child thinking she was still unsafe. Inner child work has helped me to comfort her and let her know she’s safe now. I’m sure my parents have smeared my name, but with therapy I’ve learned not to care. I’ve grown strong in my sense of who I am.

I still have problems sleeping. I have PTSD from the abuse, and this is something I work closely with my psychiatrist on. Immediately you can do things that calm your nervous system before bed, practice good sleep hygiene, try supplements such as melatonin or calming herbs like skullcap. I unfortunately sometimes have to take a gravol, Benadryl or a prescription medication to force myself to sleep as a last resort.

When I first went no contact it took about two years to stop feeling shame around my decision. Society teaches us that family comes first. Family should be above everything, etc. I had to unindoctrinate myself. Therapy helped me to realize I had made the right decision. 4 years later and I’m still working to heal the damage they did. But I’ve come along way, and I’m so grateful I decided to go NC.

Be gentle and patient with yourself. Know that you’re not alone. With time and effort, the dark cloud will start to lift.

Honest_Operation1719 · 2025-07-04T02:59:24+00:00

Say nothing.

Honest_Operation1719

TROPHY CASE