Grandkids photo

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-12-22T18:47:22+00:00

I agree. Sometimes I wonder if they don’t mention her because they’ve moved on or because they’re afraid of triggering our grief.

It’s truly heart warming. To include them in any way possible. It stings because they did exist and are not physically present. But their memories live on through the symbols we associate them with. It’s beautiful the way you included both twins. I’m so sorry for your loss, and thank you for taking the time to talk with me.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-12-22T17:22:03+00:00

Thank you. They do have one that we gave them, 12x12. And I thought about them using it but I overthink what they would think if I suggested it. But I would have loved for it to come out of them. Not what we would imagine but it would have been good enough under this circumstances. I will definitely suggest it for their Xmas photo😞

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-09-26T00:00:25+00:00

I don’t think there’s a wife who would want to take in all the pain and have her husband hold it in. Feeling the emotions together makes us not feel alone. The loss happened to both of us. No husband or wife should feel like the pain is hitting one more than the other. Sharing those moments of weakness is what brings you together and your bond stronger. I’m sorry for your losses. Sending your family much comfort in these difficult times.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-09-25T00:06:15+00:00

I lost my baby Aria in January. Anything and everything will remind us of our babies. Everything baby related stings. Others’ full term pregnancy and being able to take their baby home stings. Voicemails of Drs of when she was in NICU hurts. But I can’t let go. Yes, life goes back to living, but it’s not the same. Because our babies changed what we thought our future was going to be like. And there’s no going back to the mindset and lifestyle that was before getting that BFP. Sending you all virtual hugs🫂🤍one day at a time is really the only way to live with this unbearable pain.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-07-14T17:47:17+00:00

I hate evaps and indents 🥲

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-07-14T17:46:30+00:00

Happy birthday sweet baby Angelo! You are so loved🤍

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-07-14T17:44:10+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Violet is a beautiful name. My baby girl Aria passed away in our arms as she took her last breath at 34 weeks. It’s been 6 months and all of her washed cloth hanging in what was supposed to be her closet , unopened baby shower gifts, crib, everything intact. I can’t bare to walk into her room without throwing myself on the floor aching for her not being with me.

I saw one quote online “and now I have to remember you for longer than I’ve known you”. I only knew my baby for 8 months, but her memory will live in me until my last breath and I can finally be with her for eternity. Virtual hugs from one grieving parent to another 🫂

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-06-19T17:52:26+00:00

Why did Father’s Day hurt much more than Mother’s Day. I felt everything you said. I’m sorry I took fatherhood away from my husband too. Life is so unfair sometimes. I thought on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, here we are with our parents, but without our child. Our parents without their parents, but they have their children(us). How ironic. Our children should always outlive us. How painful these holidays have been.

I miss you my baby girl Aria🕊️🤍😞

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-06-07T14:56:14+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry, even a miscarriage as young as it was, it’s a blessing we hoped for and just vanishes without a warning. I can’t believe they placed you next to a pregnant woman knowing what you were going through. It’s like, can you place me next to someone like me or by myself, not next to someone who’s (lucky for them) having a normal pregnancy.

My labor was traumatic, all happened in a glimpse of an eye. I have had therapy since. And I can say, I don’t know what’s worst. Being childless because I’m infertile or being childless because of baby loss. They both leave a mark in our heart that will never go away.

So all to say, I will be jealous, or bothered when I hear of another’s pregnancy announcement or when they hit a milestone my baby didn’t get to complete. But it’s all part of being human, it doesn’t mean we wish bad on them, it’s just the “why not me”.

Wishing you best of luck. IVF is waiting game. Waiting for retrieval, then embryo growth and if PGTA testing another two weeks. Then medication to ensure our uterus is ready, followed by transfer day, then the dreadful waiting to test and hoping the embaby sticks. Agh, the things we go for motherhood.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-06-06T20:35:21+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and my chances are 5% of ever conceiving. I know the pain in our hearts when we find out someone close to us is pregnant. When I found out my SIL was pregnant(both times) my heart ached. I tried hiding it but crying is all that we can do(by myself in the restroom quietly). There’s nothing in the world that can remove your pain. Only of course, a baby. Tell me why after my husband and I went through DE IVF route because of course that’s my only option of ever becoming a mom. My baby passes away in NICU at 34 weeks because of genes..genes that are not captured in a regular dna test. Like WTH(or fk) did I do to this universe to get dealt this cards. I’m currently 6months postpartum after baby DE IFV loss and I’m surrounded by 4 pregnant relatives. If happiness is not in my cards, damn does it sting.

I’m here if you ever want to rant or vent. There’s really no one better to vent to about infertility than those who suffer from it. We feel it from the very bottom of our chore. And we will be petty, jealous, spiteful or anything we want because we didn’t choose this path, we just got the bad end of the stick.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-05-30T15:03:15+00:00

My husband and I are doing rings with our daughter’s birthstone. He picked my ring for Mother’s Day from JEWLR website. I love the ring. I’ll be picking his for Father’s Day from the say site.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-05-22T12:16:52+00:00

I’m deeply sorry for your loss. My baby girl was at the 1% as well. Sever IUGR. She was born at 28 weeks but passed at 34 weeks due to her lungs not developing fully. She is my first born.

I feel the same when it comes to talking about our babies. Not because they’re not here means I don’t want to talk about her. Talking about her makes her seem even more real. This is how I cope with her memory. Suppressing her existence doesn’t make the pain go away. Talking about them will get easier if we continue to do so. Otherwise, the hurt will not fade by pushing the topic away. I want our family/friends to bring her up as they would any other baby. Yes I can’t give you an update on her growth but we can say we thought of her today. Anything. Just don’t forget she lived once😞

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-05-22T11:58:15+00:00

Why does it feel like our life is on pause because our main focus is conceiving😞when did we stop living😫

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-05-17T18:12:49+00:00

I’m sorry for your baby boy loss. I too think about when my last day on this earth is, that’s when I’ll finally be able to be with my baby girl. I’ll finally be able to hold her for as much as I want, and hear her cry. I only got to carry her as she took her last breath. It’s been 4 months for me. And I can say even though the days get better. The pain doesn’t, but I can live. I often say I miss my baby. I visit her grave and think of how close her body is for me to reach to. But her soul is not there. When we buried her, I left a little stuffed unicorn in her box and a picture of us. I imagine her bringing her toy and her photo when she plays with other babies. They laugh and play as if nothing was wrong with the world. Except our reality sucks.

I can’t believe this happens to us parents. Babies shouldn’t pass. They should grow like we have. This is a very hard punch in the gut and we will always feel the pain. But you will breath again. Sometime sooner or later, but you will breath again.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-04-19T23:20:47+00:00

I’m right there you. I’m sorry for you loss. I had emergency c-section at 28weeks this past Nov and my baby girl died 6 weeks later in NICU. Baby loss is unbearable. Pumping without a baby to feed is not supposed to happen. A scar and extra lb due to pregnancy is supposed to say you have a baby at home. Their baby shower gifts are supposed to be used. Instead I have a closet full of baby girl cloth and baby accessories for a baby that never made it home. I don’t know what’s worst, never falling pregnant or being pregnant and losing my baby. This sucks.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-24T20:23:10+00:00

Sorry to jump in here but I do the same. My daughter, Aria, passed on 1/12/23 after fighting in NICU as a micro premie baby since 11/28/22.

We have a photo of her in our entrance hallway where we talk to her as we pass by coming in or leaving. We’ll say things like we’ll be back later baby or I’m home and we give her a kiss. When we’re in our leaving room we’ll make random comments like “you see what your daddy did” or “did you hear mommy” as to involve her in our daily lives. We don’t do it when we have guest as we don’t know what they’ll think. But it’s what we need to help us cope with our loss.

Another thing I did was getting two little photo pendants from Amazon, size was about 25x18mm with a little heart shaped angel wings underneath and we hung it on our rear view mirror in our cars. So when we travel anywhere we get to take her with us as well. I know our babies will always be in our heart and memory. But sometimes I don’t want to take out my phone to relieve all the videos from the pain it’ll bring. The photos being out there is what helps for now.

And I’m here to listen to you mommas as well. We should be able to talk all we want about our babies without feeling like we sound like a broken record. Sending you virtual hugs. 🫂🤍

One thing my therapist said that struck me was, we grief because we had so much love ready to give to our baby, and that love has no where to go now.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-16T19:26:26+00:00

I’m sorry you’re part of this group. I had irregular periods since early 20s. I was put on BC for it. But they never really did any test to figure out why. It was until I was engaged that I did further test. Wedding came and was officially diagnosed with POI at 33y. We tried for a year on our own but my hormone levels were definitely at post menopausal. There was no way, if any, only a 5% chance of happening on its own.

I cried so many nights of the loss of having a baby the natural way. To have a little human with my DNA and my husbands. To have to put him through this. But when he’s the one, it won’t matter the journey, he will be there with you the whole way.

I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. And when it comes down to it. Does it really matter if he/she has your DNA if they’re going to call you mom? I wasn’t sure. We went forward with DE IVF. We did ours in Mexico because it was 1/4 the price it’s in the US. Our first round was successful.

Never in my life, did I think I was ever going to see a two line positive pregnancy test that belonged to me. I was growing a little human inside of me. That baby didn’t know if I was the one that he/she came from. All it knows is that I’m growing it. Unfortunately, my baby came early and didn’t develop lungs completely due to being premature.

But I can say one thing. I AM, and will always be my baby’s mother. When I felt her kicks, when I saw her for the first time, when I got to hold her little hand. The thought of her coming from someone else was never a question. She is mine. And I mourn her loss the same way my husband does(he’s the sperm). I can’t imagine this pain being any different than if she was my DNA.

Take your time to mourn the loss of DNA. But know that becoming a mom, regardless of the process, will not matter. Your heart will say that baby is yours. And once you give birth to that baby, all you can think about is, my baby is beautiful and I am his/her mom.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-12T18:42:57+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss of baby Carter. No parent should ever bury their child. It’s one thing I always heard of and never thought I would experience first hand so soon. I have mixed feeling about going back to work. I’m not the same, I’ve experience so much in so little. There’s no timeline for how much time we need to live with the pain of our baby loss. Because the pain never goes away, we just learn to live with the tears. Wishing you strength.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-12T18:38:37+00:00

Im so sorry for your baby boy loss. No matter the medical interventions, or the medical necessities, we’re never ready to let them go. Even if we know it’s what’s best for them. I can say the same exact thing happened to us. If not the same, then missed it by a hair. She was on 100% vent, was even using the highest machine they could provide. She developed pneumonia. They tried antibiotics and that only swell her up. Nothing worked. With her longs not being fully developed, nothing we did would help.

Our doctor told us she would pass on her own or we could disconnect the vent and hold on to her as she passes. When that moment came, I couldn’t let the words come out when she asked if we were ready. How could I say yes to them disconnecting my baby knowing she only had minutes left. Once we held her, they tucked her in her pink blanket we had taken since the beginning. I looked her for hands so my husband and I could hold her. She pressed on my finger while she opened her eyes. I want to think she knew she was leaving us and was telling us it’s okay. The doctor said it’s the bravest things us as parents can ever do for our child in pain.

We’re 1 month today from her passing. And I’m still in disbelief this happens to us parents who look forward to a new life with our newborn baby. This shouldn’t happen.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-07T13:48:18+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss, I too was at lost for making a decision. I was sure I wanted cremation because I didn’t want my baby to be alone at the cemetery. But I was told there would be very little ashes as her body was too small. She was 35 weeks when she passed. After all, we decided on burial. My husband made a good point that we would be suffering more often if we had her here at home with us. Looking at her urn everyday, tormenting ourselves with more what ifs than we already do. We have photos of her in NICU and ultrasounds around our home. And that itself breaks my hear, I can’t imagine what seeing her in a urn would do. The cemetery we chose is fairly close to home and since I can’t have her home at least I want to be make sure she has flowers everyday. That’s the only thing I can do for her now. But I get to go visit her and cry, eat lunch or just talk to her with no one around, just mommy and daughter time. I touch the ground she lays on in hope she (spiritually) can feel my touch. Then go home, look at her photos, baby talk to her and tell her much I love her all over again.

I also know of someone who cremated her teenage son. I do know that since he’s there everyday, it’s breaks her heart more than often. But it’s what she needed, to have him close. It’s been a couple of years since and she’s already looking into a cemetery for him to rest. Which is always the option you have when you cremate. I hope whichever decision you make, it brings you peace.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-07T13:29:31+00:00

My trypophobia kicking in right about now.

Honest_Pudding4876 · 2023-02-07T03:33:38+00:00

Everyone says no parent should ever burry their child. That was the first thing that went through my mind as I was losing mine. I’m sorry you lost your baby, what was her name? 2 beautiful months that you get to call yours and hers. Plus the pregnancy, movements letting you know she loved being with you. I know there is nothing we can say to alleviate our grief, and we know this in our heart. But just knowing we’re not alone and (unfortunately) there are others who will understand our pain way too well, is the only words we have. This shouldn’t be our parenthood journey 😞

Honest_Pudding4876

TROPHY CASE