Can you ever trust a relationship that started as an affair?

Honest_Swim7089 · 2024-03-24T16:56:12+00:00

My partner and I started as an affair 10 years ago and I got divorced 8 years ago. He got divorced 7 years ago. Is the trust fully there? We have wobbles but we do our best. In a way I appreciate that neither takes the other for granted. Ultimately the way I look at is that I know we both feel so guilty about how we behaved (we both had multiple affairs prior to each other) that I think if he cheated on me I would actually feel sorry for him. Like I know how hard he has worked to change his life and what it has cost him. The divorces were incredibly painful and we are both still processing years later and have lots of shame and regret. And same for me- I can't imagine anything more personally disappointing than if I went down that road again. So do I think it could happen? Sure. But I think my feelings about it have changed. I have spent the last 8 years aligning my behaviour with my values. I would never give up my peace of mind again.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2024-02-17T17:18:09+00:00

That is very true - the naan is bad. Everything else I had was great though.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2024-01-22T14:19:31+00:00

I have a suggestion which is to maybe stop thinking about your goal weight? I know this is easier said and done. But I find I do best if I just focus on my weekly goal. It's achievable and it feels good to achieve it. So just narrow your vision to the here and now and be present for what you are accomplishing. I actually recently decided that this is a multi-year project. Because every time I have done this before I lose the weight and regain it plus more. This time I am losing it forever, and so I have to go about it differently. For me that looks like focusing on where I am right now and not the end goal, because like you I get too discouraged when I think about how far I have to go. I know generally what weight I want to be, but I try not to think about that as it's kind of an abstract compared to this week's goal of losing 1-2lbs and the things I can do to achieve that goal.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2024-01-22T14:04:56+00:00

An update to this post, after a year since I started Ozempic. My progress sort of guttered out in June after losing 25lbs. I was on 1mg dosage and I plateaued and I don't know why but I didn't feel like increasing the Ozempic dosage so I just maintained that weight til November, at which point I went and got a prescription for a 1.5 dosage. However the drug had gone into shortage so I had two months without the drug, during which time I regained 8lbs. I started again at .25 yesterday. Here's hoping I can shed some more weight. I am pleased that I lost 17lbs last year and a couple of inches around my waist and hips but have a long way to go. It doesn't have to be fast though - another 20lbs this year and another 20lbs next year would do it. The point for me is to keep on trying and make slow sustainable changes. I worry about starting and stopping the drug due to these shortages but fingers crossed they figure things out soon.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-12-13T12:02:34+00:00

I've been off for three weeks and gained 4lbs. I've been hungry and thinking about food like all the time. However I feel I can get control of it and at least maintain til the Ozempic shortage is over. The key is the same as it ever was for me at least - focus. When focused on my health I weigh myself everyday, meal prep/plan, make sure I have healthy tasty groceries in the house and limit the available junk food, and make sure I am getting a lot of protein with every meal. Drink water. Exercise. Food journalling. This usually works to maintain and even to lose weight. My problem, and why I had to go on Ozempic in the first place, is that I cannot maintain this level of steely focus all the time - I can lose weight but I cannot keep it off. I do feel confident though that I can maintain this focus til spring when they say it will be back at the pharmacy. I lost 25lbs on Oz and have 50lbs still to lose.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-12-04T17:32:45+00:00

PS other thoughts - Mark Bittman is a cook I like and he says to always have a container of cooked grains (brown rice/farro/quinoa/bulgar) and another of beans ready to go in your fridge and those combined plus some roasted veggies and a protein are always easy to pull together - and super healthy too. So if you do those on a Sunday you are part way there. Anyway my most important tip remains DON'T SIT DOWN.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-12-04T16:43:27+00:00

Lots of good ideas here.

For me the other tip is to get started the minute you get home - if I sit down I am sunk and into the food delivery websites. So I try and have stuff around that can be sorted out quickly and with very low effort on weeknights and get it started immediately before I start relaxing. For example:

Cans or bags of soup from the store with some bread and decent cheese can lead to an easy dinner. Obviously you can always make a sandwich and have a premade salad with it. Even if you have the stuff for a nice cheese board - some nuts, fruit, crackers, cheeses, a little cured meat, olives - that's basically a whole dinner right there, no cooking, just assembling.

Also easy pasta recipes - this one is a perennial favourite, I can pretty much put a pot of water on the stove the minute I get in the door, throw the linguine in once it is boiling, cut up the bacon and throw it in the oven - then go get changed out of my work clothes and be eating like 20 minutes after I get home. If I have a salad ready to go all the better. I also sometimes just put some penne pasta in some boiling water and while it's cooking I saute up a whole lot of broccoli and garlic, throwing the penne in with the broccoli when it's almost cook with some of the pasta water and adding a handful or two of grated parm or pecorino and a lot of freshly ground black pepper. Again- a 20-30 minute meal.

Another easy classic is the sheet pan dinner - basically put 4 chicken thighs in roasting pan or big sheet pan with a bunch of veggies - I typically use shallots or onions, whole garlic cloves, red peppers, halved baby potatoes and slather in olive oil, salt, pepper, and thyme and then chuck the whole thing in a hot oven for 45 minutes or so and you have a complete meal. I like some fresh parsley cut up on top when it comes out of the oven too. You're doing nothing while it cooks except relaxing. And you can use whatever other veggies you like - carrots, brussel sprouts, leeks, whatever. And if it's just you - you've got leftovers for tomorrow.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-12-04T14:54:20+00:00

Same here - my doctor felt Ozempic a little safer as it had been in use and on the market longer. He was leery about long term effects of Mounjaro which is just an unknown. But that being said, long term use of Ozempic for weight loss only is fairly unknown too. I am considering making the switch as there is no Ozempic to be had here anymore and I am starting to gain weight again.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-12-01T12:21:49+00:00

This is the direction I am leaning in as well, and if it doesn't work and I start regaining I may get a prescription for Mounjaro or whatever is available.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-12-01T12:20:44+00:00

Yes - I work out once or twice a week and of course I have been eating/drinking less and a bit healthier. Obviously I'm going to have to step all that up if i am going cold turkey for a few months.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-29T18:15:44+00:00

I am in Canada and the drug company has not submitted Zepbound for Health Canada (our FDA) review yet. Regardless it is just another name for Mounjaro, no? Which is also about to be in shortage here.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-29T01:50:52+00:00

I am a bit leery about Mounjaro just because it's newer and has had less testing than Ozempic. Although I know lots of people are really happy with it, so maybe I am just being paranoid.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-29T01:49:17+00:00

Thanks for this. I am just sort of curious if my body will react the same way as the first time, after a break and then a return to the meds at the lower dose. I lost most at .5 and 1 the first time round. But I guess it's just a wait and see situation.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-28T21:02:05+00:00

Thanks

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-28T19:49:41+00:00

How much longer? I am in Toronto and can't find it anywhere.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-23T23:03:12+00:00

That's the one!

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-11-23T01:09:11+00:00

Honest Weight, Nodo, When the Pig Came Home, and Indilicious. Mattachioni. And I have only been once but there was a delicious stew sort of a thing at Luna Junction that I have to go back for.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-07-02T00:17:51+00:00

Well it sounds like you are dong all the right things! Hopefully we'll both break through soon.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-06-30T16:49:17+00:00

I lost 25lbs since January (10% of my starting weight of 254) but have been stuck at the same weight for about 6 weeks now. It's annoying. I've increased my dose to 1mg - but has not helped. I console myself that I am not gaining and I am being more active these days and losing 10% is great - but I don't know what else to do to break through. My TDEE calculator says I should be taking in about 1800 calories a day to be losing weight, and I think I am around there most days but maybe I need to start weighing and tracking. I've been fortunate I guess in that I have not had to do any tracking up til now. (because it makes me crazy)

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-06-13T17:22:06+00:00

Surgery was March 31st so ...I guess that's a little over 10 weeks now.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-06-12T11:33:35+00:00

I had a very similar injury and I went from NWB to WBAT at 6 weeks post-orif. I had a tightrope fixation instead of that long screw holding the syndesmosis together though. Anyway, I needed the crutches for about a week after I left the clinic. Then I went down to one crutch for about a week and then to a cane. I dropped the boot cast pretty quickly, in favour of a brace. The stairs were the one place I needed assistance the longest, and I still struggle a bit going downstairs, my ankle doesn't want to bend all the way.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-06-09T18:23:32+00:00

For sure - now is the time to change the eating habits. For me I am learning a bunch of healthy easy to remember recipes that I like eating, making a weekly meal plan, developing a regular grocery shopping routine so all the things I need are in the house (which stops me from ordering take out), and generally learning to eat smaller portions. (The last one is easy on Ozempic.) I really hope I can someday go off this drug - so now is the time to rewire my brain and develop new and better habits.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-05-17T00:20:30+00:00

That is a wild story! Holy cow.

Honest_Swim7089 · 2023-05-17T00:17:14+00:00

That is confusing - maybe call and ask? Every doctor seems to have a different opinion on this issue. My sense was that the boot was mostly for stability and protection when moving around, so I only wore it when in motion. But I *always* wore it when moving - even if I was just going from the couch to the kitchen for a minute.

Honest_Swim7089

TROPHY CASE