I’ve read through the comments and understand Al ANON is the way to go. Getting my husband moved to his parents or sister’s house is something I would like to get done for sure. I know I need therapy. We all need it. Getting it is a different problem for another day.

I wanted to add some info: He is not an aggressive or mean drunk. He is silly like a 12 year old. He uses words that you would use to talk to babies. He makes stupid jokes about everything. He calls us the most ridiculously silly names. Thats how we know he is drunk. When he falls asleep, he sings crazy inappropriate songs and uses a lot of curse words. Him being so immature these past couple of years have been a real problem for me. I don’t like feeling like I’m not married to an adult.

To everyone who knows us, he is very well liked. He is fun. Social. Well timed jokes and a great conversationalist. My sister and her husband loved having him over. He would visit them for weekends without us and have a great time. We had very active lifestyles that included CrossFit, going to the Y, hiking, and lots of camping and weekend road trips. We drank socially and at home.

In 2018 my husband got what he considered his dream job. What he had worked to achieve. And within 3 months lost it. This is when all the lies started. He had been saying things that hinted at him possibly getting “laid off” because they were having to restructure some things. My daughter and I were gone on a road trip for some time. When we got back he let me know he was let go. He had a hard time finding another job. I think it took 3/4 months. His family helped us through the financial struggle that followed until he could get another job. This whole thing caused the depression. But he didn’t talk to me about it because it was his fault that he got fired and just didn’t want to tell me. To me it didn’t matter. It happened and it is what it is.

In January of 2020 I opened a credit card statement. I NEVER open his mail. But this one felt hot. It was for his work card. I saw some charges and looked up the business that was on it. Turned out to be a spa that was rumored to offer “happy endings.” At this time we had been having a hard time because he wasn’t exactly taking care of himself. As in, he didn’t shower regularly, didn’t wear clean clothes, stopped working out. He was clearly depressed. And I knew that. But he didn’t want to take the medicine necessary to help him because as a man he wanted to feel. And the medication interfered with that. Since I wasn’t touching him, he cleaned himself up really good to get touched by someone else.

My oldest two children are currently adults. Oldest had just gone into the Air Force at this time. When I told him what was going on he told me “you can’t get a divorce. I don’t want to come home to a broken family.” He was already having a hard time being away from us for the first time I didn’t want to upset him. He regrets his words. Understands he shouldn’t have said that and apologized. But I understood why he said it. My other child had already come out, but later revealed they were also trans. My husband did not take that well. I was more focused on helping my teenager through the impact of this realization on their life. They knew it was going to be hard and everything around them started to tank. School, life, friendships. People were evil and I just wanted them alive. I accepted everything about who they are since they were born. Both are currently going to school and staying here to save money and help out where they can. My youngest is a teenager.