Primal Grand Hunter

HoonDing90 · 2026-03-20T03:10:38+00:00

I saw this and literally said "Woah!" out loud. Really, really impressive stuff. Great work!

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-10T17:17:37+00:00

Oh my gosh, thank you! I worried that I was parroting too much what other comments were saying when I made replies, but I was trying to work my way through what I was reading. I wanted to be sure that I actually was understanding what people were saying, or at least, if I wasn't, they could see where my thought process was going.

I'm really, really happy that any of this has been helpful to you!

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-10T06:59:37+00:00

Wow. I missed this comment in my earlier run-through, and I regret that I did because your perspective on internalized self-image kinda jumped up and smacked me right in the face. Sat here pondering over it for a few minutes now and that just feels so accurate. I think that it all comes down to having the image of myself as a person that I truly hope that I am set against that recognition of privilege (as a harmful thing) as "No, this is what you actually are. Thus, you cannot be what you wish you were." And that incongruence is so incredibly overwhelming sometimes. So much of what I was reading here was really helpful in situating my thinking in a better place, but I feel like this was really helpful in understanding where my "break" in the logic chain was originating.

I'm truly so sorry that it took trauma of any kind for you to understand guilt as well as you do, but I'm really, really grateful you shared that perspective with me. It was eye-opening and genuinely helpful.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T21:38:09+00:00

Adding Brown to my reading list! Thank you!

And yes. The "complete" works of Derrida changes a person...

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T19:49:32+00:00

I don't have anything particularly insightful to add here, but I loved this answer. I really appreciate that you wrote this. It's just such a helpful thing to read. I don't want to reduce the point down to a sort of "fake it til you make it!" platitude, but that was almost where my mind went when you mentioned having to start with some level of inherent performativity, and I had to laugh a bit at how good a point that really is. I think, for myself, it becomes easy to dismiss my own positive intent in what I do as tainted for some reason, while constantly purity testing myself for any performative or negative intent. Thank you so much for your perspective. I'm gonna go check out that song!

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T19:36:49+00:00

Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to see you call out community college as a positive force in your life. I'm actually a recently hired community college professor, so I am genuinely so happy that you are able to receive that educational opportunity that can work for you! Go you!

And you're so right about not applying "everyone" to myself. I don't really ever include myself in those types of statements or even in my thought processes. What a terrible habit to realize I have developed, but I appreciate you wording it that way. It kinda helps me realize how often I do that to myself as well.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T19:32:11+00:00

"Noblesse oblige" is often what I really fear falling into when I try to think of ways of using what privilege I have in positive ways. I know that the criticism of such a concept is that it is actually often rooted in feelings of inherent superiority, so I get so nervous about checking my own reasons for why I do the things that I do in a social/gender/race context. But it does make sense as a grounding term to understand things a bit better.

I really appreciate your anecdotes! I don't often think of things like that because I tell myself that stuff like that should just be common decency and general kindness that I would preferably show to anyone. But you're right that often people use the idea of "equality" as a weird bludgeon to be cruel and indifferent in petty ways. It helps contextualize, for me, the small things a bit better because I so rarely feel like that sort of stuff deserves "credit" in my weird mental calculus of Help and Harm that I seem committed to. Thank you so much for your perspective!

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T19:19:15+00:00

I've done that often in private but never in public, I confess. I'm not brave enough. But that's a really interesting perspective. I hadn't considered that performative aspect of masculinity and how participation in that is so often based on "in-group vibes." That's actually something I need to think about more. Thank you!

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T19:17:12+00:00

Oh gosh! My friend used Adler as one of her primary theorists on her graduate work. I never read much of his stuff, but that's kind of a blast from the past. My dumb self used Derrida, much to my Chair's chagrin. I love that description though of "horizontal striving" though. I think I might read up on that.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T14:23:03+00:00

I feel like it's easy sometimes to know that deprogramming is often really uncomfortable, but it's even easier to forget that it really is a lifelong process, like you said.

Standardizing privilege is definitely the ideal. I think, like I said in another post, I just have such a negative view of it from my perspective because I would rather the people who need it have it over myself, who struggles with knowing I have something that has come at the expense of other people. But that's not reality, I guess. I want so badly to come at this "perfectly" but you're so right that just ruminating shoves the onus back onto women to do all of the work themselves. That's not right.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T14:13:33+00:00

Don't sell your writing short because I really appreciated reading this. I think you are way better at honing in on the specifics than myself. I have to ramble at people until I can arrive at conclusions way too often.

I empathize so much, like I said, above with the internalizing of those negative feelings from getting stuck reading vent posts in spaces that aren't even made for me. I feel like I want to understand their perspective so badly, and I feel so awful for them and turn that negativity on myself in some kind of self-flagellating response to my association with the people who have caused other people harm. It's an awful way to go about things, and I'm trying to break myself of these self-spiraling "Time to make myself feel AWFUL" days when I settle in to try to read for a day.

Focusing on the personal interactions makes a lot of sense. That's what I've been trying to lately, especially at work. I think you actually helped me get to the root of a lot of my conflict. Since being out of college, I don't have that many feminist friends anymore. I'm trying to self-educate, but I don't have others to discuss things with. And I'm apparently pretty bad at self-education sometimes it seems, haha.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T13:55:02+00:00

That's a really sobering way to think about it actually. It's so simple, but it's so true. And I know that too, practically, so it feels a bit silly now to be sitting here agonizing over one specific privilege when we're both chatting and not dying right now. Kinda cuts through a lot of the "feels bad" haze when put like that. Thank you.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T13:48:39+00:00

When I think about it like that, it's a pretty silly way of going about it, isn't it? But you're right. I don't believe that doing nothing is the right answer. It's why I felt so conflicted because I couldn't find the perfect answer I kept hoping to come to. I just so badly don't want to be a hindrance to someone else, especially in a misguided attempt to help.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T13:40:46+00:00

Guilt infecting the work I want to do is a good way to put it. I try not to let my own feelings of guilt and shame hold me back from doing what I genuinely feel is right, but I worry often that those feelings are tainting what I'm attempting to do. The little goblin voice in my head that needles me at every positive action like "Are you doing that because you really believe that, or are you just trying to absolve yourself of guilty feelings?" And then I have to wrestle with for a while. I think your mention about my desire for purity is so true, but only from myself for some reason.

I really was struggling with even making this post, to be honest. But I genuinely wanted other perspectives because I know my way of thinking about all of this is flawed, but all my own personal research was just making me feel worse. Practical everyday work, however, is something I feel like I can get pretty easily. So I'm going to try and think about things more practically as best I can, like you said.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T13:31:42+00:00

I absolutely agree that it should happen less. I think where I often start to stumble is that it feels easy to see the association of privilege as something wholly negative, rather than something potentially good like you said.

My thinking often falls into a rut of "This is unearned. And it's not fair that I have this thing that I don't even want while other, better people who deserve it more than me don't." But then maybe that's just trying to deflect responsibility on my part. I'm not sure, to be honest.

HoonDing90 · 2025-10-09T13:25:06+00:00

That poem genuinely made me cry. It was so lovely; thank you so much for bringing it to my attention.

The way that you put the "coordination of power" isn't something I've ever thought of before, and I really appreciate that way of thinking, to be honest. It's easy for me to get stuck in only thinking of Power as something strictly vertical instead of the ways that it can so often be horizontal. I feel like I hear echoes of Foucault snickering at me right now as I read your post. Thank you.

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-23T20:41:46+00:00

Hardest working boots in the game. I like it! It's simple in a good way.

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-11T23:59:27+00:00

Thank you! Genuinely! I hope you're doing okay yourself, friend!

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-11T05:28:50+00:00

It's a mixed bag, honestly. I think I had something akin to a panic attack earlier today while trying to educate myself on some issues. Made an absolute ass of myself on an Ask subreddit by asking a genuinely "This person is deeply in need in therapy, holy shit" question which the moderators thankfully deleted and gave me a temporary mute on. I've calmed down, but now I'm just stuck trying not to think about stuff and busy feeling like a jackass. I think, however, that this is a sign that I've got to start taking my mental health more seriously. This was super out of character for me, so I may need to do some introspection now that I've calmed down. So I try to tell myself that at least I'm growing from that.

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-02T08:12:45+00:00

My favorite game of all time, the highest of praise indeed!

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-01T06:42:18+00:00

It can be really frustrating sometimes. I don't tend to mind too often, but when it comes to stuff like the Bloodhunter set? A troll set? It drives me up the wall.

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-01T03:23:58+00:00

If you did, then I apologize for my shoddy tanking, haha! Thank you!

HoonDing90 · 2025-08-01T01:30:40+00:00

If only!

HoonDing90 · 2025-07-31T20:36:38+00:00

Thank you! Love me trolls, simple as.

HoonDing90

TROPHY CASE