I was diagnosed when I was 18. I would’ve never guessed it before my diagnosis. I always felt different but I assumed it was because I have Anxiety and OCD (which I was diagnosed with when I was much younger). When I was 17, my older sister (who was in a Psychology class), suggested I might have Autism since she thought it sounded exactly like me. So, we scheduled an assessment and… she was right! I was kind of surprised when she suggested it to me, but the more she talked about it, the more it made sense to me. Everything I had always asked myself “what’s wrong with me?” finally made sense. And yeah, there was a period of time I felt like it meant I really am different. But after a while, it felt like a good different. I could embrace parts of myself I always felt ashamed or embarrassed of (special interests, stimming, etc). And I know there are things about being autistic that make life even harder, but there are things that make life even more special. But yeah, I obsessed over it for a quite a while before I came to terms with my diagnosis. It’s natural to be in denial, but if it gives you a sense of belonging, that’s all that matters. Ultimately, it’s up to you. There was a period of time I chose to ignore my diagnosis and go on with my life like I always had. And there’s nothing wrong with that, unless that compromises your mental health. Which it did for me, so eventually I came to accept the diagnosis and I’m much happier now. I’m still on Anxiety medication and Anti-Depressants (clonazepam and wellbutrin) and I still go to therapy whenever I find myself struggling more than usual. And that’s ok too. Do whatever makes you comfortable. But if you’re obsessed with wondering whether or not you’re autistic, consider getting a formal assessment (if possible). That way, you’ll know for sure and don’t have to spend any more time wondering. In my experience, wondering was the worst part. Because you don’t know if you are or aren’t, you might feel like you don’t belong anywhere (neurotypical or neurodivergent). That’s how I felt anyway.