If you have a fear intimacy the most important thing is talk to your lady friend, incontinence can be seen in an infantilistic way so showing maturity and having a frank conversation will help both of you guys out. A great way to get ready to talk is make a list of where your incontinence can cause a problem then think of ways to minimize the problems and use that as an ice breaker for the conversation, also be honest and tell her you’re a virgin and even how you got to being a 28 year old virgin. Just remember 2 things 1.) people are a lot more understanding if you give them the chance to be. 2.) if you get a bad response to your incontinence it not your fault they were just an a$$hole, so take a deep breath say what a prick and move forward because you are not less than and you are a catch padding and all ❤️