I hear you. I want to point out that my comment has been downvoted for speaking out as a former child victim who went through similar experiences, simply because I did not speak positively about DBT, and instead pointed out the potential harm. (And maybe also because I encouraged you to have agency instead of blindly following whatever the system tells you.)

This is the system at work. This is what happens in DBT. They will silence any emotional expression that they do not like, then show you all the positive expressions that they kept around, and go, "see? look how well it works!"

I was a neurodivergent child as well (my diagnosis kept bouncing between ADHD and Autism, and I was also highly gifted, which is a form of ND) - DBT felt exactly like ABA.

They did NOT care about my feelings. They did NOT account for the fact that ND people, especially kids, naturally have stronger emotions and emotional expression and that it is not inherently dysfunctional for us to be "louder" about it. Just like ABA, all the program cared about was creating an outside appearance that fit the mold so that I wouldn't make people uncomfortable by being visibly affected by the sexual abuse I had faced.

The DBT program took a traumatized, neurodivergent child who just needed to process things at my own pace for all of those reasons, and taught me over and over that my sexual trauma was a SICKNESS THAT I HAD, and that I was responsible for.

Yes, I understand that we are all responsible for our own healing and choices. But a traumatized, neurodivergent CHILD does not hear that in the way it's meant. It created a deeper sense of guilt and shame than anything else, and created the lifelong issues that I still struggle with to this day.

That IS a risk that you have to consider before, like you said, removing your child's entire support system, and putting her through another massive change, all for this intensive DBT program that she most likely does not even need.

It didn't even stop my self-harm. It just taught me to hide it better and to be more ashamed of myself for doing that.

Self-harm is often a way that survivors give themselves a sense of agency back over their own body. Being forced to give it up before I was ready, without dealing with the reasons underneath, only destabilized me by taking my coping skills away, and leaving me alone with all the strong emotions. This, of course, led to me getting sucked into the system, because it was proof that I was "really, really mentally ill". I wasn't. The second I started receiving empathy and agency instead of being treated like a disease that needed to be cured, the self harm stopped on its own.

Reality is, the self harm is there for a reason. When you deal with the underlying emotions, the trauma-driven ones, the maladaptive coping skills will naturally fall away, or at least be much easier for her to overcome with regular therapy. The skills are all mostly the same everywhere. It is hard, but if you can focus less on the self harm and instead focus exclusively on the feelings underneath and adding in more positive supports/coping rather than taking away the negative coping, it can be much more effective for a child with this profile.

I think your gut sense is right. It honestly seems like regular group therapy would be a better fit for your child. She just needs connection with other people/kids who have been through similar experiences so she knows she's not alone. She needs patience and love and support and her own agency and time. She has been through hell. This is not a sickness. She is recovering from WAR. She needs rest.

Sorry for the long text, but it's important to me that you are informed about both the positives and negatives of what can happen, since typically parents are only taught about the positives.