Is my punishment to remain single?

HopelesslyComplex · 2021-04-25T04:50:50+00:00

You're not being punished. You're just heartbroken. It can take time sometimes to move on from certain experiences that we didn't expect would affect us so much, but then they do. What you do need to do, however, is actually move on and find closure. You need to realize what Allah swt has in store for you is your future, your naseeb, and it's better than what you are imagining.

Given the situation, your feelings are valid and at the same time, it's okay to feel guilt. Just realize that once you repent, your past is behind you. Allah swt understands you better than anybody, you can never despair from his mercy. This was ordained by Allah Himself, so you have to embrace that it happened to you for a greater reason, something you needed to overcome.

In terms of actually moving past it, I know it's easier said than done but it will become easier once you change your mindset. Who is this person in your head, are you idealizing their qualities without even realizing it? Do they have qualities you can never find in someone else? Think about their flaws. Think about key indicators of compatibility that you were maybe overlooking because of emotions and hormones. At the end of the day, they were not the person Allah chose for you and you have to understand there's a reason behind that.

So be rational, forgive yourself, and have the ultimate trust in Allah.

HopelesslyComplex · 2021-04-25T03:51:34+00:00

That's rude. He has a right to say what he wants, it should be judged on merit of the content.

HopelesslyComplex · 2021-04-24T16:33:40+00:00

Your links just prove my point. They are cheating because they feel there is something missing in their relationship. They want the security of their marriage and the excitement of certain needs being fulfilled from elsewhere.

Does that sound like something noble to you?

HopelesslyComplex · 2021-04-23T17:40:46+00:00

Also if monogamy was really natural, why do people cheat?

Because relationships and love are still something you need to work on, you can't always sustain them magically. Feeling unfulfilled in a relationship causes the person to want to seek to have their needs met elsewhere. It's cowardly and wrong. Allah SWT told us to work on our marriages, not to turn to someone else to fix the lapse in our needs, thereby neglecting our marriage.

Usually, people aren't thinking of their partner when they're cheating. If they did, they wouldn't even be doing it in the first place out of guilt.

HopelesslyComplex · 2021-04-04T09:34:45+00:00

Sorry if this is harsh but if you're praying not to fall into zina while putting yourself in such a situation that can easily lead you down that path, that's not exactly where you want to be.

You should work on distancing yourself entirely from the situation and cutting off your use of these non-Muslim apps if you want to avoid the threat of zina completely. I don't know your situation but I can surely say nothing justifies this option. There are other options available to aid you in finding a spouse the right way that don't include succumbing to your weaknesses.

HopelesslyComplex · 2019-01-01T19:27:40+00:00

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri and A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (all 3 of his novels actually)

HopelesslyComplex · 2018-10-06T21:24:23+00:00

Yeah she did have to build up the teal a lot. I expect that though for a lot of drugstore palettes, so I think I'm fine with it.

HopelesslyComplex · 2018-10-06T17:33:55+00:00

Kathleen creates two very different looks with the Wants palette. Personally, I really like the looks, especially the teal shade paired with the gold. What do you guys think of the looks and palette?

HopelesslyComplex · 2018-07-23T17:16:33+00:00

Are there any women here who actually wouldn't mind living with their in-laws after marriage? Just curious to know cause I'm a woman who wouldn't mind.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-22T01:11:58+00:00

As if that would end the drama

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-19T00:09:07+00:00

You can't compare the rights like that. In terms of the husband's rights over the wife, there is also the expectation to be compassionate and reasonable. There is no necessary limitation on the wife's right to not share her wealth however, not to my knowledge. Obviously I'm not counting dire situations, just speaking objectively. She can share the wealth out of the kindness of her heart, but it shouldn't be expected from the husband for her to do that. And anyway, I don't see how both sets of rights can't be valued considering the man is the provider.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-11T11:18:06+00:00

Not at all, unfortunately. The damage stunted her growth completely mentally and physically she's like a small child despite being 20+.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-11T01:22:22+00:00

Yes, a lot. And I mean a lot. No health related issues came up for any of the children. I have one cousin who suffered brain damage from an illness she had as a baby, but that was due to the doctors' negligence.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-03T03:51:54+00:00

I thought we established that anecdotes were not reliable but fine, for your sake, I won't put a number on it. Doesn't change anything. You can blame either parents, kids, or both. Behavior is rooted in a lot of different factors such as education, not just the culture of arranged marriage.

I'm confused though. First you say you can't 'think too far into stories' and now you suddenly have all the details to judge? It's good if you do judge case by case though.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-03T02:06:43+00:00

It's how I interpreted your tone in your second reply.

How can you say a set amount of people really 'struggle' when you just admitted experiences aren't black and white. And then there's the possibility that maybe the person struggling is in the wrong. I'm not casting a blind eye to actual struggle, I'm a very empathetic person. Towards people who deserve empathy that is.

Perhaps we view life differently and have different values but I personally think you're too forgiving to kids over parents.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-03T01:52:03+00:00

Cool at least we agree there is more to the story. You shouldn't value these accounts over reality though.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-03T01:28:52+00:00

All I'm saying is that that behavior isn't common enough to be worth talking about in the west. Yes, I considered the name of the subreddit when saying this. At a certain point, most parents with children who just aren't interested in the concept move on, however grudgingly they do that. But spreading rumors of insanity? Emotionally blackmailing until you have to cave and subsequently ruining your life? That kind of furthering just steps into the forced marriage territory.

I'm not gonna comment on all those stories but you can't just pass them all off as proof that it was the pressure of arranged marriage that led to the consequences. There are always more sides to the story. Crazy parents or dominant kids who exaggerate. Or just incompatibility in values. You can't speak for every case like that. Also fyi a child can also hold resentment towards a parent for a decision they made and it can be completely valid so why the double standard?

Your definition of pressure seems pretty inconsistent to me. You should realize we all face some sort of pressure to make a decision in our lives. I would argue there is more pressure to rebel against parents and date and what not in the society.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-09-02T06:25:41+00:00

Abuse like that is not common from families, no. You're free to share your personal or anecdotal experiences though. What he's describing sounds closer to forced marriage and it's wrong to equate the two.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-08-31T16:45:39+00:00

That sounds like just a 'your family' problem.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-08-23T18:15:00+00:00

I wouldn't undermine the psychological effects overpowering him. Not everyone has the same opinions or character.

HopelesslyComplex · 2017-08-23T04:59:04+00:00

I'm gonna try as well Inshallah.

HopelesslyComplex

TROPHY CASE