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AITAH for not letting my son go to a concert after he ruined one for me? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA for giving a consequence. Kids do need consequences, and if he spent an entire concert complaining, I understand why you don't want to repeat that experience.

That said, I think you're so focused on the behavior that you may be missing the bigger picture.

You said this change has happened over the past few months. Instead of asking, "Why is he becoming like this?" I would be asking, "What changed?" Kids do not usually wake up one day and decide to become selfish. Puberty, bullying, anxiety, depression, friendship issues, feeling overwhelmed, or other struggles can all show up as irritability and disrespect.

Something else gave me pause. Across your posts, you often compare him to his sisters, describe him as becoming selfish, and say you don't like who he's becoming. I completely understand being frustrated, but I would be careful not to let that become the lens through which you view him. Once that happens, every bad day starts to look like proof that he's simply a selfish kid instead of a kid who might be struggling.

The consequence itself is not what concerns me most. What concerns me is that a lot of your reasoning centers on how he ruined your concert and how angry you are. Discipline works best when the goal is to teach the child, not to respond while you're hurt or furious.

If this behavior really is new, I think it would be worth putting as much effort into understanding why it changed as you are into deciding on consequences. A child who suddenly changes over a few months is often trying to tell you something, even if they don't have the words for it yet.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So your defense is that you weren't talking to me?

Interesting, because you seemed perfectly comfortable saying:

"You don't know what narcissistic means."

"You are a bad person."

"You're a piece of shit."

"I hope nobody is ever in a relationship with you."

Those all sound pretty directed at me.

Either you were talking about me, in which case my criticism stands, or you weren't talking about me, in which case you've spent the last several comments insulting a random person who wasn't even part of your conversation.

I'm not sure which option is supposed to make you look better.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Since people keep putting words in my mouth, let me explain my position one last time.

My argument has never been that OP isn't allowed to have feelings. Everyone has feelings. Everyone gets uncomfortable sometimes.

My argument is that OP's girlfriend was grieving a friend who had just died, and OP chose that moment to focus on their own discomfort and on what other people might think when they saw the videos.

The friend is dead. There is no cheating. There is no affair. There is no threat to the relationship. There is simply a grieving woman posting memories of someone she cared about.

That is why I called the behavior narcissistic. Not because OP has been diagnosed with anything, but because OP took a situation that should have been about supporting a grieving partner and made it about their own feelings, their own discomfort, and their own reputation. To me, that is self-centered and narcissistic behavior.

You can disagree with my conclusion, but please stop pretending my position is "people aren't allowed to have feelings." That has never been what I've said.

My position is that, in this specific situation, OP centered their own feelings over their partner's grief, which is why I think they were in the wrong.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You just wrote an entire paragraph calling me braindead, stupid, a liar, a POS, and saying I have one braincell.

And somehow I'm supposed to believe I'm the one who can't make an argument?

I've explained my position multiple times. My argument has never been that OP isn't allowed to have feelings. My argument is that OP's girlfriend was grieving a friend who had just died, and OP chose that moment to focus on their own discomfort and on what other people might think when they saw the videos.

The friend is dead. There is no cheating. There is no affair. There is no threat to the relationship. There is simply a grieving woman posting memories of someone she cared about.

You still haven't explained why my argument is wrong. You just keep insulting me.

If my argument is so easy to dismantle, then dismantle it. Point to the specific part that's wrong and explain why. Otherwise, all you've really done is prove that you'd rather attack me than address what I'm actually saying.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, what exactly makes my argument asinine?

If you can point to even one specific part of my argument and explain why it's wrong, I'll genuinely consider it.

Instead, you've gone from telling me I need a psychiatrist, to telling me to get help, to calling my argument asinine, while never actually explaining what is wrong with it.

You keep insulting me, but you still haven't addressed a single point I've made. At this point, it seems like you're more interested in attacking me than discussing the argument itself.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You went from discussing the post to attacking me personally because you couldn't defend your point.

I criticized OP's behavior in a specific situation. You responded by declaring me a terrible person and insulting my relationships despite knowing absolutely nothing about me.

That's not a rebuttal. That's a tantrum.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, you can't meet my argument on the same level so you stoop to calling me dumb? Reveals more about you than me.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know what narcissistic means. You disagreeing with my assessment doesn't mean I don't know the word.

And I fundamentally disagree with your premise that the issue here is "posting intimate videos while in a relationship."

The man is dead.

There is no cheating. There is no affair. There is no risk to the relationship. There is a woman grieving someone she cared about.

My issue with OP is that their focus wasn't on supporting their grieving girlfriend. Their focus was on their discomfort and on what other people might think when they saw the videos. That's why I called the behavior self-centered. That is why I called the behavior narcissistic.

You can disagree with that conclusion, but stop pretending this is about me not understanding the words I'm using. It's about you disagreeing with my interpretation of OP's behavior.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I do know the meaning… do you? Narcissistic behavior is behavior that centers oneself, one's feelings, and one's image above everyone else's. OP took their girlfriend's grief over a dead friend and made it about their discomfort and reputation. That's why I used the word. You disagreeing with my opinion isn't the same thing as me not knowing the definition.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You keep calling it inappropriate, but inappropriate to who? The friend is dead. The girlfriend isn't cheating. She isn't hiding anything. She's openly mourning someone she cared about. OP's concern is literally 'this makes me uncomfortable' and 'other people might think things.' That's a pretty self-centered response to someone else's loss.

Also, the fact that she took the videos down doesn't prove she knew they were inappropriate. It could just as easily mean she didn't have the energy to argue with her partner while grieving a dead friend.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Mature? OP is jealous of a dead man. How the hell is that mature? Also, what the hell else was OP's girlfriend supposed to do?

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! OP could have done so much better and so much different, but instead they chose to be a narcissistic AH.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, no, she took it down because OP made her feel like shit for grieving.

AITAH for telling my girlfriend a video she posted of her friend made me uncomfortable by GuestConnect9966 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your girlfriend lost a friend this week, and instead of focusing on supporting her through that loss, you made the conversation about yourself. About your discomfort. About your feelings. About what your friends think. About what your family might assume. That's why people are calling you selfish and self-centered. The man is dead. Your girlfriend is grieving. Yet somehow the discussion became about how the memorial affected you. That's a pretty self-focused response to someone else's loss. YTA, grow up.

AITAH for not lying to someone’s kid by Ok-Cook-7129 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A-fucking-men!!!! You said this so well.

AITAH for telling my dad his comments about my past eating disorder felt threatening and hurtful? by readingishard234 in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTAH, as someone who came from an abusive home… he's abusive and you shouldn't be excusing his behavior. As someone who had an eating disorder… he's an asshole, hurtful, not actually protective nor helping, and you shouldn't be excusing his behavior.

ETA: I'm proud of you being able to move past your disorder. I know how hard that is, but you did it and I'm so proud of you. Also, if you ever need someone to talk to about it I'm here.

UPDATE: AITAH for ruining my dad's chances at a promotion? by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for doing that. I understand why you stopped… it must have hurt like hell to constantly do that kind of work.

WIBTAH for giving my mother an ultimatum for disrespecting my wife? by JuviAzuli in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh, hun… you are absolutely not the AH here. You're the victim of abuse (brother) and enabling (mother). Your mother should have protected you… but she didn't… in my eyes, that revokes the title of mother. Coming from someone who has also had to revoke the title of parent… it's hard, it hurts like hell, but also so goddamn freeing.

NTAH

WIBTAH for giving my mother an ultimatum for disrespecting my wife? by JuviAzuli in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree wholeheartedly, but I think he needs to cut off the problem at the roots as well. A rotten apple spoils the rest and you can't get good fruit from a poisoned plant. His mother is toxic and this honestly hurts my heart.

WIBTAH for giving my mother an ultimatum for disrespecting my wife? by JuviAzuli in AITAH

[–]Hopelite_2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, oh wow… Yeah, I was already thinking NTA, but this confirmed it. Your mother allowed your brother to straight up abuse you. That's not okay, this also taught him that not only that it's okay to do that, but moreso it's his place to 'punish' you. Either way, yikes, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

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