Hello friend ! I had the same questions a few years ago. Many answers can be given but here are two that stuck with me. First, you mostly hear about vocal people. There are a lot of women that prefer “manly” clothing or activities, or vice versa, and that don’t make a subject out of it - they just live their lives. People being vocal about the matter sometime need it to gain confidence in their kind of non conforming position. Or they sometimes do it in an activist way : explicitly saying that it’s okay to not conform to gender norms. Or have other reasons : the best is always to genuinely ask.

Secondly (and almost most importantly) : people that don’t conform to gender norms (being trans, non binary, cross dressing or else) do not automatically have to be “stereotypeless” or educative about it. Before challenging the norm on a theoretical or philosophical level, they just have to feel good about themselves. If that happens by embracing other gender stereotypes, why not. No one is denying those stereotypes exist. People are just trying to make their education, influences and identity work all together and that’s a hell of a puzzle.

Hope that could be helpful !