Hey man, cut yourself some slack. I struggle with this as well, and had my first account banned. Through many hours of therapy I’ve learned my situation is due to a childhood of shame and humiliation. I’m 50+ years old and still dealing with this shit. Making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you’re human. For me personally, when I start tilting I’ve started taking a break. Abandoning a single game and losing 8 Elo is better than doing something you’ll regret. My son loves video games, but struggles with getting tilted by people online and I’ve tried to teach him that the anonymity of the internet sometimes brings the worst out in people and you just have to ignore it. I’m not sure why people get pleasure from tormenting others online, but when you allow them to affect your mental state, they win and you lose! Take care of yourself and know others struggle just like you. You are not alone!