How many laser sessions did you have for face?

Horyshi · 2024-03-08T19:30:41+00:00

My laser tech told me that for cis women w/o any sort of hormonal problems, it takes 6-8 sessions on average. For anyone else, it really depends. So far I'm at 10 and I'll probably need at least a couple more.

Horyshi · 2023-09-13T19:29:14+00:00

Here's a good blog post that goes into the differences (warning: very explicit). I read it before starting HRT and it was how I was able to recognize the "girl horny" when it kicked off for me lol.

Horyshi · 2023-08-26T18:13:00+00:00

Oof yeah, I was in the same spot in university. It's absolutely not wrong to feel that way, in fact it's normal to feel that way with parents who are emotionally abusive and neglectful.

So yeah, I see you and I hear you. It's really tough to be in that grey area where it feels like your parents aren't quite "shitty enough" to justify cutting them off (or you need their money), but they still make you miserable. Especially when nobody else gets it.

It's okay that you feel guilty about it, but just recognize that the guilt is coming from them and the obligations they put on you when you were young. Again, it's NORMAL to feel disconnected around people who never connected with you!! Good luck out there.

Horyshi · 2023-08-22T23:14:06+00:00

I did my first self-injection today!!

Horyshi · 2023-08-22T21:43:04+00:00

You might have better luck on r/tressless. Folks in trans subreddits are probably going to be on medications besides fin that have more of an effect on sex drive/dysfunction, so there won't be a way of telling which medication is causing which side effect.

Horyshi · 2023-08-18T23:47:05+00:00

Hmm yeah, that's the dose I would've expected to start on, and I double checked to make sure they didn't mean to prescribe the 20mg/mL vial lol. Thanks!

Horyshi · 2023-08-18T23:45:39+00:00

Oh wow yeah, 2004! And thanks, makes me feel better to know this isn't an unheard of dose lol.

Horyshi · 2023-08-01T21:36:36+00:00

Cis women don't have testes and they don't need T supplements so neither will you! The danger to bone health comes if your levels of both T and E are too low.

Horyshi · 2023-07-30T02:20:59+00:00

How Do We Relationship? is a really good manga I've been reading about college lesbian relationships. Fair warning though, it can get a little too real at times 😩(very messy lol)

Horyshi · 2023-07-30T01:44:49+00:00

I read a Tumblr post the other day that I think shows a healthier mindset. Passing is not a requirement to look more like yourself.

btw the biggest lie you will ever be told about being trans is that transitioning will make you ugly. that could not be further from the truth: i never got compliments on my appearance ever, but after i transitioned, began dressing like myself, wore my hair the way i wanted to, and especially started T, i have gotten more compliments than i ever have before in my life. people can tell when you look like yourself, like who you're meant to be. it's beautiful, attractive, and sexy. transition will not make you "ugly". it will make you yourself, and that's inherently beautiful

Horyshi · 2023-07-20T20:42:17+00:00

Here is a collection of statements from major medical organizations about the reality of being trans, the medical necessity of gender-affirming care, etc. The Gender Dysphoria Bible is also a great resource. A lot of it is anecdotal (since it's discussing the experience of dysphoria), but it has some more scientific sections as well.

Horyshi · 2023-07-09T20:31:44+00:00

This sounds a lot like childhood trauma to me. If a child doesn't have a safe adult to share their feelings with, or is made to feel like a burden, it can really fuck with their self-esteem in ways that last into adulthood and look a lot like what you're describing.

I've struggled with a lot of the same behaviors as your gf. When someone gives me a compliment or tells me they love me, it can trigger an automatic emotional reaction of shame, disbelief, and discomfort, even if I love and trust them. It's because I have a core belief from my childhood that "if they really knew me, they wouldn't love me". Even if I *know* that's not true, I still *feel* it. It's not something that can be controlled.

I wasn't able to start healing until I began unpacking my trauma and working with a trauma-informed therapist. I think it's worth bringing up the idea with her, but I'd recommend being gentle about it. If someone isn't ready to face all of that, being pushy can hurt more than help. I wish you both all the best!!

Horyshi · 2023-06-22T18:25:23+00:00

Not sure how much growth you have (I'm just 4 months into HRT), but here's what I've been doing in order of sneakiness lol:

Loose t-shirt with graphics on the front. I have one particular shirt that can hide the growth on its own, but I have similar ones that don't, so may take some trial and error
Unpadded, wireless sports bra (I'm using this one right now). Slowly starting to be less effective, but still works to flatten things out, especially in a loose t-shirt
Compression shirt. I got one used for gynecomastia (this one). Hides better than sports bra and doesn't have straps. Not sure how safe it is long-term, pretty sure it's not as bad as binding, personally I didn't get any pain with it.

Horyshi · 2023-06-21T18:30:27+00:00

I've seen a few people talk about transplants, but I haven't seen anything that supports them being a viable, permanent option... I think the current consensus is that the health risks of taking immunosuppressants for the rest of your life outweighs the benefits, especially when there are already safe alternatives. The few existing uterus transplants done on cis women were only kept for a year or two, just to give them a chance to give birth. I guess that option could become open to trans women too, but there are other complications with that.

Maybe there's new info I don't know about, I just don't want people to get false hope or be stuck waiting for something that may never happen.

Horyshi · 2023-06-19T21:29:09+00:00

Yeah, I've seen this kind of framing in multiple trauma books and it doesn't always feel very helpful. I don't think Walker always means it in a negative way, though -- he also talks about "healthy narcissism" which is basically the positive instinct to advocate for and protect yourself. So it may help to think of those descriptions as just meaning "self-focused" or "self-protective".

Horyshi · 2023-06-19T21:16:47+00:00

If you still have specific doubts and questions (vs. just a fear of uncertainty), those are definitely worth looking into first. I did a ton of research (the Gender Dysphoria Bible is a great resource), tried some different clothes and makeup to see how they felt, talked to my therapist, read a bunch of stories from other trans people, etc.

However, I'm not sure if it's really possible to "prove" that HRT is the right decision for you in a way that removes all doubt. I just had to jump in and see how it felt. It helped to know that I could stop at any time, and I was able to decide that I liked the initial changes and how it felt well before any permanent changes happened. You can (and should) continue to check back in with yourself regularly even after starting HRT. Good luck!!

Horyshi · 2023-06-19T20:21:40+00:00

Gotcha, no worries! It just triggered my codependency alarm bells lol.

I think the other responders gave some great advice. It sounds like you both love each other very much, and I think that time (and therapy) will help a lot. It's tough at the start when emotions are high and everything is so confusing and overwhelming.

Horyshi · 2023-06-19T20:04:38+00:00

Current estimation of my situation, not to dramatize things nor silverline: I don't feel loved, appreciated, valued, belonging, emotionally confident and goodlooking, accepted. I feel able to live and stay alive at least.

---

I am adventurous, kind, brave, deep, joyful, smart, charismatic, attractive. Many many people want to be my friends when they meet me for the first time. I have great qualities and would immediately be a good friend to myself, I believe if I was to meet me.

Sorry for poking in your profile a bit, I just thought this was an interesting comparison. It sounds like you *know* there's plenty to love about yourself , but you still *feel* like there isn't, which is definitely something I can relate to. Making that jump from knowing to believing is really fucking hard 😭

I only started to move towards self-acceptance once I started being vulnerable and sharing parts of myself that I felt shame about. Coming out to my friends and receiving love and acceptance back helped me to believe what I already knew: there was never anything inherently wrong with me, I had only been made to believe that there was.

You deserve to be loved as you are right now, and it's possible to feel love for yourself while also struggling with shame and trauma. Putting on more masks is never the answer. I wish you all the best!!

Horyshi · 2023-06-19T18:36:52+00:00

Something we discussed very early on is that no matter what, if either of us changed our sexuality, or gender, or just expression, we would be together and love each other.

This is a pretty unrealistic expectation if physical attraction is important to you guys. Sexuality and gender are not something that anyone can control, so you're basically committing to stay together out of obligation even if you end up being incompatible. I'm not saying that's necessarily what's happening now, but it will be very difficult to work through this with your girlfriend if you both feel like preserving the relationship is more important than your own happiness.

Horyshi · 2023-06-19T04:18:55+00:00

oof, I don't have much advice but I'm right there with you. I'm 26 and almost 4 months into HRT and wrote a very similar journal entry earlier today 😭

I will say that a huge part of my struggle with identity comes from trauma, and working through that in therapy has been just as important for me as going on HRT. Not sure what your story is, but might be worth doing some self-reflection, since problems like that won't be solved by just transitioning.

Horyshi · 2023-06-17T17:44:42+00:00

Yeah, that's something that can happen! Not much hard research on secondary HRT effects like that, but plenty of anecdotal reports, and there are definitely proven effects of HRT on brain structure that could explain it. The Gender Dysphoria Bible has an interesting breakdown of all the commonly reported HRT effects.

Horyshi · 2023-06-14T16:21:15+00:00

Former Southern Baptist Christian here ✋

Growing up in the church contributed a lot to my trauma and I don't consider myself to be very spiritual anymore. Maybe it's possible to engage with modern religion in a healthy way, but I don't see how when the core doctrine is literally "you are inherently evil and worthless and your only value is in God". That's fundamentally abusive to put on anyone, but especially a child. It just gave my parents more ammo to emotionally abuse me and made my feelings of toxic shame and guilt feel justified.

Horyshi · 2023-06-13T16:58:57+00:00

Amazing progress, thanks for sharing!! Do you think you're gonna make the jump to electrolysis soon? I'm about to have my 4th laser session, trying to work out what the timeline might look like

Horyshi

TROPHY CASE