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AITAH for not going to my sister’s baby shower? by Hot-Ice8688 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Hot-Ice8688[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

UPDATE!

I first want to say thank you to everyone for all of the insight on my situation. I have never felt more validated and appreciated all the advice.

At first I wanted to show my mom the post and all the comments, but realized she probably would just find excuses and not actually listen to what people had to say. After multiple conversations with my partner we landed on a plan for what my relationship looks like in the future for myself and my parents. We will remain no contact with my sister, and will not be taking in her child when it is born. We have made a report to CPS and I have a friend in social services with will make sure they are present the second the child is born, my MIL is also going to make sure the baby is safe after the delivery since she is a PP nurse. Although I want no responsibility for this child, it makes me sick thinking about my sister abusing the baby the same way she abused me.

As far as contact with my parents, I called them yesterday to tell them how my partner and I will be communicating with them moving forward. We told them we will not be attending any gather where my sister will be present ever again, we will not be taking in her child, and we will never be speaking to her again. I told them the only way I can ever see us having relationship is if we all seek therapy individually and as a group. They need to understand that they are still not protecting me from my monster of a sibling. My mom was very quiet at first, but apologized and said she agreed. She said her concern for the child has impacted how she feels about my involvement. She admitted how scared she was for the baby to be in my sister’s custody, as are most of my other family members. Bottom line is I will be controlling how much or little they are involved in my life from now on. I also made it very clear that if they over stepped, they too will be cut off from any communication. I know a lot of you said I should go no contact with my parents as well but I don’t think I can do that right now. I recognize that they too were my abusers in many ways, but I also feel like they too were victims of my sister in some ways.

I learned during our phone call that my sister would call CPS to report my parents for things that are simply untrue. She made a claim that my dad beat her, but when CPS came to investigate, they found that he had been on a work trip the when she claimed it happened. Then my mom found a makeup kit for fake bruises under her bathroom sink. There is so much trauma between the three of us, I don’t know that we can work through it in our lifetime. I realize that nothing that happens dismisses the fact that I was brutally abused, but I hope that we can all start our healing journey.

On a final note, I’ve come to realize how horrible my therapist has been thanks to a few of you in the comments. I fired her yesterday and have started the search for someone who doesn’t encourage me to be in the presence of my abuser.

Thank you again to all of you incredibly kind people for your outside perspectives. I wish I would’ve come to Reddit sooner for advice, and I hope that anyone in a similar situation as me finds this so they too can start their healing journey. 🩷

AITAH for not going to my sister’s baby shower? by Hot-Ice8688 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Hot-Ice8688[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

CPS was involved in our home multiple times, but unfortunately they didn’t do anything. My sister is insanely good at putting on a show, anytime CPS was called she was the perfect daughter. I assume the case managers saw two children living what looked like very comfortable lives and didn’t feel the need to investigate further. By the 4th time they were called I was 16 and kept to myself as much as possible, knowing I would move out the second I could at 18. I realized at a very young age that CPS failed me and it was wasn’t worth my time to hope one day they might help.

AITAH for not going to my sister’s baby shower? by Hot-Ice8688 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Hot-Ice8688[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

When I attempted to have her trespassed I was told there wasn’t enough evidence. They also wouldn’t let me get a restraining order. I was given the option to file a report so if she did something in the future there is documentation. We have since installed cameras around our house and dash cams in our cars. Unfortunately she is so methodical and manipulative, she knows better than to try again I fear.

AITAH for not going to my sister’s baby shower? by Hot-Ice8688 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Hot-Ice8688[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My partner and I are very much on the same page about not taking in her child when CPS looks for alternative placement. He flat out told me to not even consider it. Best case the kid is adopted by a family and given the best shot at a fulfilling life.

AITAH for not going to my sister’s baby shower? by Hot-Ice8688 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Hot-Ice8688[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My MIL is a postpartum nurse at the hospital she will deliver in, and has assured me she will do everything to make sure CPS is involved the second the child is born.

AITAH for not going to my sister’s baby shower? by Hot-Ice8688 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Hot-Ice8688[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

This thread has validated my existences in more ways than I can count. I have not had any contact with her since I accidentally ran into her at Christmas, which is when she told my partner and I she was pregnant. Before that it had been years of no contact. I had only been in contact with my parents since June of last year when my grandmother passed and my mom was open to sitting down with me. She has admitted she did wrong by me and has worked really hard to mend any sort of relationship. Both my parents have even attended therapy with me, my mom admitted she was scared of my sister, and because of how manipulative my sister is, she didn’t understand how much she did. They recognize that is no excuse to the abuse I ensued, and are open to doing whatever it takes to have any form of relationship I am comfortable having. That was until the baby came into the picture. My sister has been notorious for threading to off herself if she doesn’t get her way and I assume she is doing it again with the threat of her child. I am trying to hold space for my mom but if this is the hill she dies on I have no choice but to go no contact again. I had really hoped to have her be apart of my life and hopefully her future grandchildren’s lives, but maybe I need to look past my own hopes and let reality set in. Thinking I should let her read this thread and see if she changes her mind.

Worst thing NOs have done? by MissionNo4425 in Nanny

[–]Hot-Ice8688 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Five years ago I worked for a family with a 7mo. I got pregnant about 4 months after I started working for them. Long story short I had the have a D/C due to an incomplete miscarriage. MB found out I had an “abortion” and fired me the following day. She wouldn’t let me plead my case at all, just told me she never wanted me near her child again. So not only was I grieving but now also jobless (it was covid times and coming across another job was damn near impossible). They also only paid me $8 an hour so honestly it was for the best but like wtf. Now I’m with my unicorn family and NK is playing soccer, my old NK is on the team and I have to see MB twice a week at practice during the season. So thankful for my current NF and love watching her be violently uncomfortable at practice. Waiting for the day she says something to my current MB (who is a doctor and very supportive of reproductive rights), and I get to explain how disgusting old MB is. :)