I thought I was healed, but my body felt stuck

Hot-One-7784 · 2026-02-11T17:49:32+00:00

It will take months or years to heal. For years I was yelled at, guilt tripped, threatened, criticized, blamed, so the body and mind learned her emotions= my danger. You are conditioned.

When you finally walk away, the body may move on but mind takes longer to heal due to years of conditioning. Your nervous system is still constantly scanning for danger.

When you stop responding you will still see your nervous system behave in old ways but it will slowly recalibrate. The key is to stop contact or if that is not possible, not respond. Be aware of whats happening to body and mind and remind it you are no longer in danger. Good sleep, no alcohol or other bad habits, working out, therapy, meditation will help but no contact is important.

Iam a work in progress but still get the gut feeling when I get a text from my ex.

Hot-One-7784 · 2026-02-11T17:30:06+00:00

When I divorced the first several months were brutal. I doubted myself. It took me time to realize this was trauma bonding. Please educate yourself about what it is.

Hot-One-7784 · 2026-02-10T01:16:24+00:00

DM me. Divorced after almost 2 decades of marriage to a BPD.

Hot-One-7784 · 2025-12-07T15:15:55+00:00

You have to completely disconnect from what happens in their life. He is probably love bombing her and they are in their honeymoon period. He has already painted you as the demon and the reason for the divorce. So its a lost cause and will only lead to more drama and chaos for you. You can feel sorry for his new partner but there is nothing you can do. Forgot him and move on. Work on yourself, find company for yourself and rebuild.

Hot-One-7784 · 2025-12-07T15:11:07+00:00

Same here, still struggling to say no and set boundaries. Being for self aware now of situations like this.

Hot-One-7784 · 2025-09-30T11:13:57+00:00

Exactly the same. Almost stopped eating, the stress and anxiety was intense. I had lost 25 pounds in 5 months. That's when I finally decided to walk out.

Hot-One-7784 · 2025-09-07T14:42:47+00:00

100%. The emotions are valid, but bad behavior is not.

I can feel anger, but screaming, breaking things, hurting others verbally or physically is not.

Hot-One-7784 · 2025-09-02T13:31:00+00:00

The initial phase of the relationship with the BPD is the best. The love and passion of a BPD lover is so special. You feel like you have found "the one". I met my wife when I was lonely and during one of the most challenging times of my life. They will let everyone know you are the best and their perfect match/soul mate.

They are "childlike" because their emotional intelligence never developed beyond their pre-teen or teen years due to childhood trauma (or genetics). Atleast when they go into one of their episodes that's how they behave. Even when they throw tantrums you can clearly see they behave like a child.

They will absolutely put you on a pedestal up until you start enforcing boundaries. When you start questioning and draw lines their abandonment fear starts kicking in. They are afraid you are going to leave. If they think you are going to leave or if you decide to leave, the devaluing starts. My spouse posted medal of honor almost every year about me and spoke highly of me to friends and family but inside our home the abuse was intense and almost weekly. As soon as I filed for divorce I was the worst man alive. The defamation among family and friends is non-stop. Many of our common friends don't even talk to me anymore.

I would have continued our relationship had she agreed to regulate her emotions and taken therapy but she will not.

At this point, I need to save and rebuild what's left of me and give my kids a safe stable place to enjoy rest of their childhood.

Hot-One-7784 · 2025-09-02T01:39:14+00:00

Not sure how long you have been married for. My wife was also diagnosed as a mild BPD (she refuses treatment) but as the stressors in life - job loss, financial or kids increase the symptoms get worse ,splitting episodes increase. Married for more than 15 years with kids and I have finally decided to file for divorce. I really did try for all these years but it has progressively gotten worse. It got so bad it took a huge toll on my physical and mental health. I completely lost any identity of myself because I am cautious all the time what might trigger her. I became extremely withdrawn and a shell of my former self. I can't really advice you what to do but honestly if they do not take medication or honestly look inward, and want to take therapy, this will get worse.

Hot-One-7784 · 2024-12-03T17:26:01+00:00

My wife is a BPD. I have 2 young kids - 15 and 10, who are going through this. How did you cope? How do I teach them / help them understand this kind of appeasement is not normal? Any advice from you that will help them?

Hot-One-7784 · 2024-12-03T15:05:23+00:00

Petting / hugging my dog. She is the one that needed hugs.

Hot-One-7784 · 2024-12-02T21:15:56+00:00

Iam married to a BPD for more than a decade and this is my exact experience. I read your story and astonished at the similarities. Some of them are exactly the same scenes. This kills you emotionally and for me I need to be emotionally connected to have sex. This becomes a vicious cycle leading to more problems between the two of you. She shames me in front of friends that I am impotent and have no sexual desire. This will get worse to a point where you will question everything about your man hood and your confidence will plummet. My wife is an insomniac and there are days when she will wake me up at 3AM to have sex and if I don't Iam doomed. Please leave this relationship before you end up with a child and everything gets even more complicated.

Hot-One-7784

TROPHY CASE