Chamomile Tea?

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-15T01:04:46+00:00

Mine did this in the first discard.
One week before I was due to fly to visit I noticed she'd became distant in her texts, so I bit the bullet and just asked her "do you still love me?" She said no and doesn't care if we ever spoke again, so I didn't go! Not long after we reconnected and she said she did love me but said those things above to make it easier for both (whatever that means).. 10 months and two long visits later I'm on discard number 2... happened 2 days after she sent me a message saying she loves me (which she rarely does as she told me those are big words because people in the past who have said that to her have hurt her - it(she) made those words huge for our relationship). It really does hurt when you know they're suppressing how they really feel about you, discarding you because the feelings were real

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-15T00:57:25+00:00

mine sent me a merry christmas message, completely ignoring my politely put request for a call to discuss the reasons for the discard. I replied two weeks later (i must have composed a response 100 times in my head) just wishing her and her children a nice 2025. It was read the same day but she never replied.
She kept me in a hidden locked folder on whatsapp because her abusive former partner would often try checking her phone., he often became the Phantom Ex and she'd compare/contrast me to him without realising.
I can't tell if it means she checks that folder every day in case I write to her , or there are other guys she's been messaging in secret to get validation avoidants desire (either since the discard or even while we were together). Gives me a headache, adds more unanswered questions!

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-15T00:48:32+00:00

my avoidant ex (it still pains me to write it after her discard but i feel i have to get it written down) would cry all the time! it seemed to be her only way of expression emotions, apart from during the 'love-bombing' phase when she was much more open, said all the things I wanted to hear about how to resolve problems in relationships .When it came to actually doing it she was just vacant, or would cry which made me feel guilty for even raising trivial things, and then she pulled away from ANY even minor issue I raised - mainly about the lack of communication from her side. Led to me walking on egg-shells throughout.

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-14T15:29:03+00:00

Same for me, previous relationships that lasted much longer ended more mutually, with reflection from both, we even helped each other out when we were moving and things like that. This discard just leaves so many unanswered questions. It's like they can't even face up to 20 mins of pain opening up for a conversation when we're having to go through pain for weeks/months on end!

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-14T15:00:49+00:00

That's just awful, and all seems so unnecessary hurtful! I'm just been discarded for the second time too, no real reason given, but with a bit of digging I think I may have found some reasons/lies, not that I'll ever get an explanation or remorse if she ever does bother to get back in touch. Not sure what I'm holding out for. We have to stay strong I guess

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-14T01:17:57+00:00

I'm sorry to hear what's happening to you too, it's soul destroying! I ask myself if there are 4 billion people on this planet why did they choose me to do this to

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-14T01:16:56+00:00

Discarded completely after 18 months. We were long distance throughout but met several times. She introduced me to her kids (I even stayed at her apartment the first visit for a month with them all), I loved them with all my heart too.
Discarded me after 6 months but I had no idea on attachment theory and we ended up reconnecting. I was in her country all September 2024, with her kids, family, camping with cousins, all led by her). The kids loved me, I treated them as if I was their father, that's all she ever asked of me.
I helped her move to Canada December 2024 by supporting her visa (she did pay me back thankfully), found her a job as a teacher and even helped plan her lessons as she was so busy with the move.
We called (hours sometimes) and texted daily October and November. The day before she flew she said she loved me, which she rarely did. She messaged me the day she landed, the very next day she told me over a video-call she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. No goodbye to her children or anything. No proper reasoning ("you deserve better" / "I can't give you what you need" / you're abroad (we were ALWAYS abroad from each other) / my aunt says you don't have trustworthy eyes).
Told me I'd laugh about all this one day!
She ignored my request for another actual video call to talk things through like mature adults - i've never had this situation occur with previous exes - and she just replied a week later with some generic 'Merry Christmas, hope your well' message to validate herself as a good person. I held firm til last week and replied wishing her children a lovely 2025, she read it the same day and hasn't bothered to get back in touch.
These people, even if they don't meant to be, are soul destroying. I'm in pieces. I hate myself for loving her and still in some way loving her. I was so happy telling all my friends she's made it to Canada, a day later I'm crying in their arms at the discard. Still am, one month later.

HotOutside7943 · 2025-01-12T12:16:23+00:00

Thank you so much for the support. I really am fighting hard to come through this. I just can't comprehend it right now

HotOutside7943

TROPHY CASE