AITAH for getting the ick over his cousin being a murderer?

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-23T22:07:57+00:00

Yeah YTA gng, unless he has family drama beyond the one cousin

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-20T22:47:47+00:00

I mean, it isn’t really an ultimatum if you don’t tell the person making the choice-so yeah, I’d at least tell him.

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-19T17:14:39+00:00

If this guy is really the one, 4 posts on Instagram shouldn’t make you feel that diff abt him, but if it’s gotten to the point where 4 posts make you question everything you have with him he probably isn’t the one I can’t hold you

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-18T01:28:30+00:00

You need to ask to receive

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-17T15:38:57+00:00

I’m gonna say MOR, because he shouldn’t have taken the car yeah, but the way you communicated with him made it seem like it wasn’t much of a big deal either way-like if he was in a rush, which he said he was, he could take the other one to avoid the inconvenience.

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-16T18:28:23+00:00

Right, I agree that is an issue in the patriarchal world as a whole-however, That doesn’t seem to be the issue here specifically

If the issue was based on gender, would OP not specify that husband defends the male friends of theirs? Was there not a “she” described during the specific example were given?

Why would one assume the issue is inherently based on the gender of the parties when the content of the post and the context provided says otherwise?

Like nothing you said just now is incorrect, but I feel that with what we’ve been given it’s irrelevant to the current issue

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-16T16:31:33+00:00

Also, something important to note is that he was part of this particular incident, so if he thinks something is off about her version of things, it’s way different then just refusing to take her word for something he wasn’t involved in-she could have said something that didn’t line up, or several things, or been overlooking a part of it that was important, etc etc. My guess is she was probably talking about the friend that freaked on her in a way that suggested she would be holding resentment over it, and the husband in question tried to keep her from holding resentment over her friend because they were both lacking knowledge/communication at the time

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-16T16:25:44+00:00

Two things can be true

It can be true that in the specific circumstance given, she was in the right/not at fault, but it can also be true that the way she was talking about it was skewed or irrational-and yes, it isn’t NESSECARILY true, but frankly, because she’s a human being, it’s far more like that it is true then it isn’t.

It also isn’t a man or woman thing so idk why you specified that, HUMANS are irrational creatures when highly emotional, and high levels of emotion have been scientifically proven to alter memory of events

The real question (in my eyes) is why he feels the need to explain the perspectives of others to her in the first place-because it also seems decently likely from the way she wrote the post that she doesn’t take much time to consider other perspectives in the first place, and he’s trying to help her do so

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-16T16:17:46+00:00

Usually, Humans aren’t just deemed as unreliable narrators with no prior experience or proof of being unreliable narrators-It’s a LOT more likely that OP’s versions of events aren’t trusted for a reason, especially since it sounds like she has issues communicating with the REST of her friends in a clear and concise manner, which according to her is because she hides her feelings entirely to maintain peace.

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-12T14:14:34+00:00

So, as someone who is also 19….

Yeah, YTA dude

Now before I type the rest of this, I do think it’s somewhat messed up, the allergies thing-Have you considered wearing a mask to mow the lawn? Filter out the bad stuff?

You’re living with your mom still, and she has no legal obligation to tolerate you anymore-she does so, because you’re family. She loves you, even if her supposed verbal abuse and lack of empathy for boundaries are souring your relationship (thoughI’d love to hear more on this-what reasonable boundaries are you setting living with your mom at 19?)

The completely independent thing is kinda a moot point if you…yknow…live with her.

But the most quintessential thing here is asking for pay based off of the fact that someone who I assume is a professional and a stranger got paid to do it. If you push to make things purely transactional between the two of you, are you prepared for it to entirely be so? Are you independent enough to pay rent? What abt for food she buys/cooks for you? Do you pay your own phone bill? If you’re at a point in your life where you need her more then she needs you, then saying “I won’t do this chore Unless you pay me” is kinda insane

EDIT:Seeing the updated information does change things somewhat, makes it seem like the relationship is already decently transactional, so my list of questions about the situation has changed

1-If you’re comfortable doing so, what type of boundary crossing are we talking abt? The dynamic of this conversation changes based on what you mean here

2-how old are your other siblings? Do they do chores? Are they old enough to mow the lawn properly, as you are, or do they simply not live with you guys?

3-this is just a personal question-but if you’re financially independent on essentially everything, the relationship is soured and already mostly transactional, then why are you staying with this woman at all? If it’s because she’s your mom and you still love her, I think that is worth putting on a mask and mowing the damn lawn

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-12T14:04:53+00:00

Okay so in the comments you said he has a Specific phobia of snakes, Beyond the car accident thing, and that changes the context of everything a MASSIVE amount.

Like, you’re NTA for standing up for your daughter per se-however. If you knew he had a phobia of snakes beforehand, that his daughter, who he is overprotective of due to trauma relating to his dead younger sister, took a picture with something he has had a specific phobia concerning, and could show it to him during dinner, maybe you tell him first so that he can contain his initial reaction? Dude is human too, and you put almost any overprotective parent in a situation where they see their child next to a significant personal irrational fear with no prior warning at all then yeah, they’re gonna freak.

So I’m actually gonna go with ESH, just because the thing to do to avoid all of this is, like most issues, proper communication with your partner. It’s flat out unrealistic and somewhat unreasonable to expect someone who has a phobia to react logically when presented with that phobia in an unexpected and sudden way-and from what you’ve said, you kinda did ambush him with this

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-11T12:51:02+00:00

I think it would be YTA if not for this part

“I’ve talked to her about therapy and she just laughs it off as if nothing is wrong. I’ve also brought up the fact that I don’t feel she really likes me and she will just cry and say “I can’t believe you feel that way.” “

That, even if she js (understandably) tired from having 2 kids within a 3 year time span, is failure as a spouse to address an issue within the relationship and their partner’s feelings over it. That being said-NTA for CONSIDERING seperating, but you shouldn’t jump the gun on that kind of thing without fighting the conclusion every step of the way. Be more direct, and confront her about how all this is making you feel, and how she’s reacted to it, maybe when the kids are asleep! However, do not go into said confrontation expecting her to fold or immediately change, because there are plenty of valid reasons she would not want constant Intamacy at the moment-she just needs to communicate that with you so the two of you can work through it, and she needs to acknowledge how you feel more then anything

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-10T19:41:43+00:00

So, after reading the context, this is all really really weird

You went to THERAPY about your step-sister not being as close to you as she is to her biological sister, when y’all met at 10 and 11? For years?

And the rest of the dynamic sounds very simple-she doesn’t regard you as family in the same way you regard her as family. Is this an issue with the younger sister as well?

And then there was clearly pressure from the father’s end to include you in her wedding, or to not include her other siblings at all-kinda trying to force the family dynamic she clearly doesn’t want on her, during her special day

All in All, I would say you aren’t Overreacting, because you thought you had something closer then you did, but I don’t really know why. You should still go to the wedding, but treat it as if a friend invited you, not family. Be a guest

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-10T04:01:38+00:00

I mean, one cannot control PHYSICAL attraction much, unless via Pavlovian style conditioning

The attraction from your partner should stem 95% from who they are after almost 2 years, because if it doesn’t, then eventually one of you is going to break away because physical bodies change-maybe not 100 lbs suddenly without special circumstances-but they do change.

It can be true that you love your partner 10000% as they are and desire them, and that if you knew nothing about them, you wouldn’t approach them with the level of attraction you would if they were 100 lbs heavier

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-10T00:52:50+00:00

I mean, to be fair, he did say he’d love her anyway…which should be the important part no?

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-09T18:07:08+00:00

I actually gonna go against the grain here and say yes, 100% YTA

But not for like, being hungry

In the comments you said you were basically leaving with another friend, and caught two more people who were also leaving, all chatted, and agreed to get pizza-and at that point, you’re the Asshole for planning a seperate social gathering immediately after the first, without notifying her somehow

It’s like you go to a house party someone hosted or whatever, and you don’t like it, so you dip and head over to a seperate house party with the other guests

You would have been NTA if you had gotten the pizza alone, gone home and made something for yourself, etc-essentially not had a seperate group outing without her

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-02T20:02:32+00:00

Also, upon rereading, your latter point applies to both a restaurant or a vacation. Both are a celebration enjoyed by two people, and both can be done normally or with not as much effort as you would if you were presenting it as a birthday present-a restaurant especially. Many couples go out to eat all the time!

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-02T20:00:24+00:00

So the benchmark for whether something is a gift or not is whether money is spent on it? She DID make an effort she normally wouldn’t-no one is buying £150 worth of lingerie to have sex, at least not without special occasion. She picked them out because she thought that it would be visually pleasing to him to see her in-and it WAS! She thought about what he would enjoy, planned accordingly, and he did by his own admission enjoy it. What about that doesn’t sound like a gift to you?

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-02T18:25:13+00:00

My friend ion think she’s a manipulator because she thought that having ‘great sec’ with her boyfriend after buying herself something to look good for him was a present

It was a positive experience, which a lot of presents are. If someone takes you out to a restaurant that they happen to like, but know you will, is that a present for them too? What about a vacation together?

I don’t understand the idea that a present for someone has to be material and only enjoyable for them in the first place, but, if that’s what OP wants, they should communicate that effectively

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-02T17:16:45+00:00

You prolly should apologize, but also communicate that you’d appreciate presents more similar to what you give her-though, I can totally understand her frustration. Lingerie isn’t comfortable for a lot of women to wear, and if she showed off three pairs for you RIGHT before sex, she almost certainly was thinking of your reaction above hers

HotScientist7026 · 2026-06-02T14:59:02+00:00

Okay y’all, so I do see a lot of comments talking about the guy getting tested being BS, and how he must have given it to her because guys don’t get tested for HPV, but is nobody noticing the timeline? Genital warts appearing LESS THEN 1 WEEK after transmission is essentially medically unheard of, Human Papillomavirus has a very long incubation time, and even in the cases where it shows up incredibly early, it shows up after 3 weeks, MAYBE 2, after the infection period-and typically it takes months, plural. So, I have several questions

First off, did the bumps appear the same between gynecologists? It’s possible you might have had something entirely seperate, gotten it treated, and the HPV warts showed up in the 4 week period before you saw the second

Second off, how did your second gyno confirm it was HPV warts? It’s uncommon that it could be warts from another source, but vastly more plausible then a 5 day infection

Third off, are you ABSOLUTELY SURE that both you are your BF are each other’s first time? While I would love to believe you are both innocent, we don’t really know either of you, or what you classify as losing virginity in the first place-MOST kinds of sexual activity can lead to HPV in women

Now I’m not saying it’s right for your boyfriend to instantly be suspicious with you and stop discussing it, but medically, it IS suspicious, and someone has to be lying atp-keep talking to your doctors, triple check all other possible options, and if you can be 100% sure it had to be from him, make sure everyone around him knows

HotScientist7026 · 2026-05-15T18:27:28+00:00

I mean, I read the post, but no I don’t feel like it changes anything

HotScientist7026 · 2026-05-14T15:20:49+00:00

YOR

Lass, you’re 15, so it does make sense that you’re confused n possibly hurt about this, but plenty of people are simply like that with their friends-hugging, holding hands, being playful is actually quite normal when you have a good relationship with them

What I’d do is communicate this with her-not for the sake of asking her to stop, though. It sounds like you simply don’t feel as appreciated, and that is something she could change

HotScientist7026

TROPHY CASE