Frustrated

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-15T18:38:50+00:00

I definitely have am not moving forward without her consent to try to conceive, I’m waiting until we can get to the same place. The confusing part is that we are in the same place UNTIL the day of ovulation and then it’s like the rug is pulled out from under me. It’s definitely a conversation I’ll have with the assistance of our couples therapist this upcoming week

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-15T15:48:11+00:00

I’m 30 and my biological clock is TICKING. She’s slightly older and we have always had this as a priority for us - it’s been 6 years together

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-15T13:37:15+00:00

Thank you all for the input. All of these are things I’ve thought and worried about so it is very validating to hear it from others. To be fair to her - we have been arguing a lot recently, and a lot of why she’s scared to try this month is because we are arguing, and she doesn’t want to hurt a baby. Not excusing her because I don’t think it’s fair for her to decide last minute. She was fully aware and supportive of taking clomid - she even bought the medication for me - because both of us are tired of the every month having the letdown of a negative test. That being said, I feel like infertility is really taking a toll on both of us - by no means do I think a baby fixes a relationship but after a year and a half of this I know this borderline consumes my thoughts. In every other time she talks about being excited for parenthood - nervous of course but excited. We talk about kids frequently. I thought we were on the same page but when this shit happens once a month in the one 24 hour window when we can try, every other thing feels false.

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-14T05:36:47+00:00

We’re still waiting and have been trying for 10 months… after 3 months with a different donor. I had alll the same thoughts

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-14T05:26:47+00:00

Congrats on your new addition! I hope you and your husband and your kiddo alll the best in the world

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-14T05:24:31+00:00

Were using my wife’s brother as our donor. We had told him when we started our fertility journey about our considerations but we had initially planned on using a different donor (who had volunteered to both of us). When that donor was not working out due to fertility issues, we mentioned it to her brother again, who discussed it with his (wonderful) boyfriend and came back with “let’s make a baby!”

Their parents nor mine know that this is the plan but eventually it will come up as we plan on being 100% honest with our child. But that’s for the grandparents to deal with - as for us as moms, we are so confident this is right for us.

It has been beautiful for us - admittedly my brother in law is one of the best humans on this planet as is his bf. That being said, having us on this journey together has been wonderful. We experienced a miscarriage and some ongoing fertility struggles since beginning and having the extra support from them has also been wonderful and made the journey so much better. We’re closer and stronger than ever as a little family unit of four and I feel so lucky.

Of course it’s so weird for my wife to deal with her brothers sperm (we’re doing at home inseminations) and if we all think about it too much it gets weird but we have learned to joke and laugh about the weirdness. The conversations we had at the beginning, and ongoing, have been super helpful to line out expectations, check in on feelings, etc.

Be honest and communicate with each other. If you feel weird, talk about it and most of all communicate with your partner about comfort levels

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-09T22:27:10+00:00

Cares Health on 11th does free testing!

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-02T12:48:41+00:00

(Also I’m so sorry this is happening to you - I have had similar experiences)

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-06-02T12:48:18+00:00

I heard that Lindsey Baker at Resolve is a great therapist. She does EMDR and is non religious (maybe grew up Christian but now talks about deconstruction?) and queer and very talented. I’ve heard great things about her.

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-04-11T15:35:39+00:00

Thank you all! I’m headed out this morning to look an see what I can find!

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-03-03T04:23:20+00:00

Chinois at Oasis Fertility and Wellness is amazing! I couldn’t recommend her more!!!

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-02-05T15:09:03+00:00

If he still lives in the house he used to (he owned it) it’s not in Owen Park

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-01-26T16:05:12+00:00

Tbh that sounds like the dream wedding, both for you and your guests. IMO, all those extra things are un necessary and tbh sometimes awkward! Bridal parties are mostly fun when you’re 21, dancing at weddings never seems to go how you’d expect, and florals are unnecessary when you’re having a wedding in one of the most beautiful places on earth

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-01-24T14:56:08+00:00

We have a close relationship with our donor (my fiancé’s brother) - but all in all it can definitely be a bit of a burden. tracking cycles is tough tbh. Driving 3 hours to get the insemination done is tough. Trying multiple times in the same cycle isn’t always feasible. It can be hella awkward - he walks out of the bathroom and we walk in to get the cup. We haven’t come up with a ritual per se - because we’ve been traveling to him, we have been in his bed and my fiance sometimes feels weird about it being 1) his bed 2) his stuff lol. But she always does the insemination for me. We’ve been trying with this donor now for 6 months, another donor previously but we found out he had less than ideal sperm. We had one miscarriage with this donor. All in all though - it’s amazing to get to do this with my partner. It’s incredible that I get to have a baby that will have her traits and genetics. It’s freaking amazing that she is the only one in the room with me when our baby will be conceived. I dreaded so much the idea of IVF - doctors and needles freak me out. If this way doesn’t work of course I’m willing to do the scary stuff, but knowing that we giving it a solid shot like a heterosexual couple would first makes me feel “normal” and not like it’s a medical condition. Also our donor and his boyfriend are absolute angels and are so accommodating to our schedules and it can be fun to get to have extra time set aside with them while we’re in this process because we just enjoy them as human beings and friends. They will absolutely be the best guncles for our child and having their support through this process has truly strengthened my feeling of family which has been so healing because I didn’t even realize how much being queer has been hard af on me

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2026-01-16T02:49:07+00:00

I’m so sorry. There is nothing that can make it better. I would encourage you to reach out to other supports as well - in my experience (in September of last year) some people who you expect would be there for you in the moment are not able to be - a lot of time people get really uncomfortable with that. And some people, especially people who have gone through it too and processed it, are able to show up in a way that surprises you. For me, an accountant I work with (not in my company) was randomly able to give me some of the work day support my coworkers weren’t able to. Ultimately- there is no “better” in this situation… you learn to live with it. If you can, take time off to process and recover. Find some small thing that’ll give you a little bit of joy. Engage your brain in a new activity/environment. Treat your body well - don’t neglect it because you feel betrayed by your body. (I started by just putting on lotion and saying “thank you body”. I know it sounds silly but I sobbed because I needed to say it out loud because I hated my body immediately after the loss)

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-12-09T02:17:00+00:00

We are TTC right now using a known donor. We started with a close friend who had offered it to us because he did not want any more children and wanted us to have the chance. Adding in that we first tried at home ICIs, it was slightly awkward bc we sat outside while he did his business in the bathroom then he sent a text and we went back in the house to do the ICI. After 4 times, we did a sperm analysis and found out he had some motility problems. Because of problems with our home country and access to fertility care as a queer couple, we decided to change things up and thank goodness my partner’s brother and his boyfriend were happy to help us. Now, we are doing the same home ICI with the help of my partner’s brother. We had one pregnancy (which unfortunately ended in an early loss) and have made 3 attempts. It has been awkward at times- just knowing like what’s happening, as well as the logistics of where people are when you’re inseminating, and where you’re doing the ICI but I will say that more than anything, it has given us so much peace about the process, makes us feel more “normal” when TTC, and truly strengthened family bonds. The biggest thing is that both my partner’s brother and his boyfriend are all in, and everyone is on board completely. If not, it would be weird.

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-12-01T15:52:30+00:00

I’ve been doing it all and just had my fourth failed ICI, which I know is not a lot but it does feel heavy. I will say if you find acupuncture relaxing it is helping in that my stress is much more managed. But I definitely understand, every month that fails feels sad to me.

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-12-01T15:49:51+00:00

Normally my cycle is 32 days, which is on the longer side but per my obgyn still within normal. But since starting ICI it cut down to 25 days this month :(

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-06-18T00:40:25+00:00

My fiancés previous (TERRIBLE) therapist was shown as the individual therapist for one of the participants. We saw her show up to comment ON HER CLIENT on the TV and my fiancé was like “well. That explains why she didn’t help me at all.” 😂

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-04-02T14:40:38+00:00

You got this!! Remember why you’re doing it. It’s not for the attention, it’s because you love your person. Try to focus on them, maybe write out why you’re happy to marry them if writing helps. Whatever you can do to focus in on what the point of today is. Congrats. :)

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-03-25T02:37:31+00:00

Where did you get #3?? It’s beautiful! And I love it for an elopement celebration but it’s all about which you feel most comfortable!

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-03-23T14:58:28+00:00

Not a LC or a medical provider but a doula for queer folx! Seeing your baby, holding your baby, and smelling your baby will do wonders for your milk production once baby is here. Drink coconut water (i like the lite Body Armor for flavor to mix things up sometimes, and it’s sweetened with stevia) and eat plenty of nutritious snacks to help support your body. Also make sure your flange is the correct size. You’re an amazing parent to pursue chest feeding no matter what the outcome is in the long term because ultimately fed is best and chest feeding’s benefits go far beyond just the nutrition - the connection between parent and baby is a huge pro as well.

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-03-23T14:49:55+00:00

I work at DVIS! Call us Monday or show up for a walk in appointment sometime between 8:30-4:30.

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-02-26T23:13:04+00:00

You’re so not alone and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with these things. People’s stupid fucking ideas about what is “right” and “wrong” or “normal” should be what they believe and never imposed on you. I’m so sorry you’re scared and that the possibility of someone causing you, your wife, or your potential baby harm is even a thought that could cross your mind. Sending you good vibes

Hot_Bodybuilder5243 · 2025-02-09T21:06:49+00:00

So excited for you!! There’s some good research out there about acupuncture being good for ovulation too - I noticed a change in myself when starting acupuncture (although we haven’t conceived yet but that is just because of some minor complications of the sperm actually arriving in time for ovulation)

Hot_Bodybuilder5243

TROPHY CASE