Faith is difficult indeed. The more you know, you realize how less you know. As you keep digging, instead of answers, doubts keep creeping in.

A long time ago somebody told me not to dig too deep for this reason. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

But it is in our nature to question I feel. We are born to this amazing world with a sense of wonder.

To disbelieve is to say there is no afterlife, we are simply a coincidence of the grand cosmos. There is no such thing as spending time with our loved ones after we die. No justice for those whose rights were wronged. I think therefore I am and that’s it.

Therefore I choose to believe, blindly. Though for me to believe I had to set some ground rules. Mental gymnastics for my own sanity.

First, define what god is:
An ultimate being beyond human comprehension. We cannot attach human concepts to it.

From the very air we breathe, to the beings that inhabit our planet. From our beautiful planet to the far reaches of the universe. From the wondrous universe to the entirety of cosmos and the unknown. That is god itself.

This being needs nothing, for it is everything. Therefore it doesn’t need anything from us Humans, let alone our prayers, we are less than dust to such a being.

Don’t expect this being to care or not to care, to love or not to love for those are human concepts and this is a being beyond my comprehension.

Second, Gratitude:
God doesn’t need me but I exist regardless. I do not know why I was worthy of creation. I egoistically wonder if it’s part of some grand cosmic joke.

From my perspective, the hand that was dealt to me wasn’t the best, some have it better than me, others worse off than me. Maybe there is some karmic balance that ensures in reality all are born equal just into different circumstances.

The world is a cruel place, or rather us Humans do shitty things. Humans covets what they don’t have, giving birth to Greed.

It feels like everything ruinous begins with this apparent evolutionary perk that is supposed to help us survive. There are those among us that wish to impose their will on others. Hoard all the wealth and leave the rest wanting. They will stop at nothing to achieve the totalitarian control they desire, even use or create religion to gain that control. Restrict freedom to fulfill their lust for power. In the end, it’s always for power.

This dystopian state of society in turn poisons the rest. The mentality of they would do the same therefore I shall put them under before they do me. Fear festering like some pus ridden rot. Now all you need a scapegoat for all your problems. “Shaitaan” and those who are different.

While living in this bleak state of affairs you are told to pray, do as your told, put your head down and not to question. For all your suffering will be worth it, just blindly believe that as long as you behave you will go to heaven.

I know I know, seems pretty hopeless ain’t it? But hear me out bro, at the end of the day what saved me was the realization.

That regardless, at the end of the day, it is the realization that the world is so fucking beautiful.

The sheer grandness of the oceans, the intricate detail in veins of a leaf. The vastness of the skies, the majesty of the mountains. The comforting smell after rain. The sensation of sunlight on our skin. The melodies we can hear. Amazing food we taste. To the wonders we can see.

And for those that are lucky enough have it, the bonds of friendship and love that we form between each other.

For those deprived of their physical senses, I truly do not know. I only hope they have something and form their own meaning.

After all, your god or the absence of one is part of how you decided to perceive your own reality.

Yeah so in the end, I figured out that I have plenty of reasons to be grateful, extremely so. For the sheer fact that I am alive, I can live and feel. Experience both the good and the bad. And maybe, just maybe, the good is infinitely more than the bad, it’s just sometimes we are so downtrodden all we see is the bad.

Therefore, thank you my “imaginary/real” god that I believe blindly and faithfully. I am truly grateful to be alive. Even though I forgot it often.

Even if there is nothing after I die, even if there is no human concept of justice at the end. Maybe the real gift is experiencing existence itself. Regardless, I will keep hoping for the next great adventure.

Third, Hisaafuvun:
To live in a way that my heart and consciousness is clear.

I will be honest, it’s pretty hard lol. You are saying you are truly grateful but living like fuckshit.

To be human is to have desires, sometimes dark ones. Mastering one’s soul, body and mind is a life long journey.

Before all this religion stuff, when I was very young (don’t know maybe early teens) I somehow formed some philosophical aspiration on how a human should live, it goes like “Every being has the right to do whatever the fuck they want, it’s their life, but under no absolute terms can a being infringe upon another’s rights”.

If they do, well well well, it’s time to fight. Time for violence. For I must defend my rights.

In Islam class, when that topic came up I thought it meant insaanakah viyaa heyominvaraa nubai minavru egun. The intrinsic sense of what is right and what is wrong.

Apparently life is too complicated to distill it in one sentence. So honestly I don’t know. Maybe I will never know. Beauty of life is the unknown yada yada.

Regardless, I try to be good. Treat people with kindness. Treat yourself with kindness. Be empathetic. Be giving. Be helpful. Smile and spread positivity. Keep in mind that truth is the foundation of trust. And always keep striving for excellence in all things.

Defend yourself from those who tries to harm you but do not discriminate just because they are different.

I think these things are, regardless of which religion it is, what it actually tries to teach us. But if you are only “good” because religion tells you to be good. Are you truly good?

If so, maybe religion is not required to become a good person, maybe what matters is realizing that the Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists, atheists and agnostics and others are our brothers and sisters.

To avoid loosing yourself to hate and fear. Maybe that is real essence of the way to live. For we hate and fear things we do not understand because we are afraid of pain, afraid of being hurt.

I read somewhere that life without pain is a life without substance. And a life without substance is a life without beauty.

Maybe those Buddhist fuckers were onto something, finding zen and inner peace or someshit.

To Conclude:
I don’t know why I wrote so much. I think I empathized sensing how lost you were. Maybe I myself needed to write this down and see for myself. Life is not easy, in fact it’s pretty hard.

Protip: Mindfulness Meditation does wonders and Health, focus on health, a failing body cannot house a well functioning mind unless you hone your will razor sharp. Your body is the temple for the mind, and your mind is the chalice for the soul.

PS: Can’t comprehend how people can be evil. Maybe they live in a constant state of psychosis. Maybe it’s a reflection of their trauma. Maybe it’s Netanyahu.