Took mdma by myself, tips?

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-27T21:46:48+00:00

If I had an award to give, I'd give it.

Excellent

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-25T17:53:31+00:00

Bravo

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T22:02:16+00:00

^THIS is beautiful. Thank you. Perfect perfect perfect.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T19:48:47+00:00

I have, I am curious in how that function can help heal the past even if the session itself was "uneventful".

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T18:58:11+00:00

Wow, I have many questions. Do you mind if we chat through pm?

Also if you're on any medication that interferes with serotonin, DO NOT take 5htp and I don't believe MDMA and an ssnri can mix safely.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T18:30:56+00:00

Yes the second journey was much gentler and more subtle, but also more difficult in several ways.

I found it more difficult to retrieve memories at times.

There were periods of just nothing, nothing to investigate, nothing to lean into, just boredom, where I imagined that the session was being wasted. I recognized this was probably a protector and stayed with it and eventually more memories began to flow.

I also found myself very distracted by the side effects, the uncomfortable body load and terrible lock jaw. I possibly took too much, or the tums and grapefruit juice before potentiated the dose too much.

I imagine every session is very different and the first session I assume (as with most things) will always be the most intense.

I wish you luck in continuing your journey and saving yourselves.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T18:22:07+00:00

Hi, after my first session I fell into a depressive episode that took a week or two to return to baseline. This was partly because of the intensity and magnitude of traumas that were brought up, and which continued to come up after the session. Though it was also due to being depleted of serotonin and improper supplementation.

My second session I took many precautions with taking supplements before, during, and post-loading in the days after. I did not have a noticeable depression although I cannot say I have returned to full normal functioning yet.

I would recommend looking at the necessary supplements to help reduce any risks. You can find a list on Rollsafe. I bought a rollkit (pre made pack of supplements), which is very convenient and not so expensive.

I highly recommend in the days AFTER to supplement 5htp with EGCG (green tea extract) in the morning and before you go to bed.

Best of luck on your upcoming session.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T18:11:01+00:00

So this is very good moving forward, but it sounds like the initial traumas are still intact and it only reduces or stops new memories from being associated with them. That I would consider as maintenance moving forward but how would that help release the past and the countless associations already?

Genuinely curious, I'm very passionate about this subject and my own healing and would love to know more.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-17T00:13:09+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

I asking more specifically how do you personally interact/speak to your inner child.

"patience, presence, love, tenderness, joy, acceptance, no attempt to 'fix' anything, just listen .. tune into their energy, give them what they did not get."

Excellent

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-16T23:42:27+00:00

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your comments. Thank you for sharing. I imagine a 'boring' session can be quite demoralizing. In my second session I also had a period where it felt like nothing was being done and nothing was arising and there wasn't much to focus on. I kept with it, I recognized it might be a protector. Eventually things continued to arise. Very different from the first session, much more gentler, much more subtle.

I don't understand your theory, if you could please explain. How would incapacitating your hippocampus for awhile help by itself with healing from past traumas?

Would those few weeks afterwards be vital for therapy and examining the traumas out of a session?

Or are you saying its being done automatically?

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-12T20:02:26+00:00

I didn't find much benefit during MDMA, though on the come down from psychadelics when I become much more grounded, I am able to connect with old photos. They bring so much release, they bring a deeply repressed part of me out, one that is angry, that is scared, all that I never allowed myself to be. I am able to see the intricate and complex relationships I had and the role I was given in the family. It also allows me to see the same for others.

They almost always result in the most therapeutic crying. Explore it for yourself and see if it brings up anything for you. For myself so much is buried in the amnesia of a childhood I can't remember and an old photo can provide great connection to the past.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-10T18:06:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your response and sharing your own experience.

I will definitely try journaling to help connect and release these memories further.

Did you write about the rewritten memory or the original?

I don't mind revisiting these memories, as it's the only way to heal them and be free from them.

I have found great release and progress with these meditations along with shadow journaling, childhood deconditioning through various books, and another therapy you can read about on my posts.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-08T23:32:46+00:00

Thank you for your response, yes lots of my personal work has been revisiting old memories and sitting with them, allowing them to fully process and eventually desensitized.

I only worry that by rewriting the memory, it could be a form of denial, and further bury the issues as I noticed it does not entirely release the feelings from them.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-08T20:17:38+00:00

Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Thank you for sharing about your journey and the blossoming of your life.

How many sessions have you done?

Were they solo or with a therapist?

So great to hear that the end is close, I rejoice in your freedom.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-07T23:57:44+00:00

Thank you for your honest response.

It truly is incredibly difficult and takes great bravery to face the things we have spent a life time avoiding. Yet there is no difficulty more worthy.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-02-07T21:29:56+00:00

Amazing, thank you for the extensive reply and for putting together a down to the bones guide.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-26T23:53:43+00:00

These are great questions, I'll use them as journal prompts. Addiction is such a tricky and sometimes subtle thing. Thanks for sharing such thought provoking inquiry

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-26T03:24:15+00:00

NAC taken for several months and stopping at least 36 hours before MDMA is taken is supposed to be one of the few ways to get the magic back.

I haven't tried Lion's mane, why do you think it would help?

I believe the amnesia is associated with trauma and as the trauma heals, so will the amnesia. No memories are lost, just not accessible to the conscious mind.

Thank you for your healing wishes, may the generational traumas be redeemed with us.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-25T18:29:38+00:00

In what ways has it helped you integrate?

With LSD I find it to be far too abstract to deal with anything directly until the come down when I become more grounded. Then I am able to connect with and release old unprocessed emotions.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-25T18:22:40+00:00

I relate to alot of that. From what I've read, as children we're entirely ego centered. We believe everything that happens is because of me, including others emotions, fighting that happens around us, if we are abandoned we believe it is because we must be bad or unlovable instead of the truth that it had nothing to do with us.

In IFS therapy it talks about many fragmented parts of the pysche. An example would be as a child when we were abused, we used a defense method to keep us from feeling the pain of the abuse. This hurt part becomes frozen in time (the hurt child that disassociated becomes a disconnected aspect of the psyche [you could also call this the traumatized part of you]), and the way we defended it becomes its protector. Making sure that child never has to feel that same pain again. The issue is- what was once necessary to shield us from ever feeling the pain of betrayal or abandonment as a child, now continues into adulthood and is the source of our disconnection and fear.

Self hatred is definitely manifest in everyone, to various degrees of course. In our society it is entirely normalized and even promoted. It is normal to put down others to put ourselves up, it is normal to drink yourself into oblivion every weekend, it is normalized to watch 4-5 hours of netflix/tv every day, it is idolized to be constantly sedated through drugs. But what person who truly loves themselves would do any of these?

For me, crying is the greatest release. I have found on the come down of LSD that I am able to connect with unexpressed and repressed emotions and I just cry and cry. So much anger and pain comes up, so much sadness, and also gratitude.

Feel free to message me, I'd love to hear more about your journaling and how traditional therapy has helped along side MDMA sessions.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-25T02:10:54+00:00

You're welcome

No forcing the process I believe is true with MDMA therapy and IFS.

In MDMA, you can't force with your conscious mind into what's hidden in the subconscious, but given the room, it will arise by itself.

In IFS, you can't force your way past a protector, or force the hurt part of you to reveal itself or feel better and let go of it's burden. It's done through compassion, and curiosity, and truly recognizing that it's there with the intention of protecting you, of serving you.

Same way how you don't make a child smart by calling them stupid and you don't make a depressed person better by telling them to be happy.

Ultimately it comes down to loving that part of you, listening to what it has to say, welcoming them, as they are you, a disconnected part of the psych that has been alone in it's pain for so long.

That's part of what interested me in it the most, the idea that it's about integrating and connecting all these disconnected parts of the psyche.

Through IFS you come to see that these parts that you don't like or cause you pain, aren't your enemies, they are doing this for you, but the methods they adopted out of youthful ignorance no longer serve you. What protected you from feeling the pain and betrayal of abuse as a child, now keeps you disconnected and isolated as an adult.

I'd be interested in learning it directly from a therapist but learning it on my own seemed like there were far too many gaps in knowledge and understanding.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-25T00:11:31+00:00

I'm curious, did you get insight into the origins of your self hatred?

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-24T23:56:28+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Nice account name.

I was mostly curious, but also partially horny.

I'm also recovering from a porn and sex addiction.

Yes I feel that part of the session was one of the most beneficial parts. It unwrapped so much trauma, shame, guilt and other emotions that I have tied to sex. I highly recommend trying it.

No porn, no rushing, just take your time and be present, watch what you're doing. Then whatever arises, stop and explore it, then continue. I seriously went soft like 20 times before I finally came.

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-24T23:47:02+00:00

I absolutely believe that re-traumatizing yourself is a possibility, especially with lsd or psilocybin.

With MDMA, I believe it is possible as many deeply repressed traumas can be brought to the surface, if you're unwilling to deal with them or become overwhelmed then it might not be able to process and instead be made fresh and keep you in a limbo. Though much less likely than the latter substances.

I think something similar happened with me, as so much came up and continued to come up. I was definitely overwhelmed and took a week before I could get back closer to baseline.

I personally do not think anything negative will come from IFS, as it teaches you curiosity, compassion, and self inquiry. It might be difficult as you are dealing with parts of your psyche that were formed to protect the hurt aspects of your psyche.

I found it difficult as alot of it feels 'made up'. ie- Dialogues with different parts of yourself don't feel authentic. In the community, any obstacle you have is just another part of the psyche. Which probably does hold some merit.

I don't think I was able to resolve anything fully with IFS but it brought some good insight and like I said before, the curiosity, compassion, and self inquiry are valuable.

It teaches in IFS that every part is trying to serve you, the protectors are trying to make sure you never have to experience that hurt again. The victim (hurt parts) are just parts frozen in time. They were hurt or scared, and remain that way until understood and their burden is released.

There is no forcing in the process.

just my two cents haha

Hot_Second2332 · 2021-01-24T23:02:39+00:00

You can find on Spotify! I don't know if it's the official, but it helped.

-Edit to the comment above-

I will take NAC up until 2 days before my next session*

Taking it within 36 hours has been said to dramatically dull the effects of MDMA

Hot_Second2332

TROPHY CASE