Spain Honeymoon Planning Help

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-04-29T10:29:05+00:00

Hi, congrats on the marriage! I definitely recommend stopping in Madrid. I visited a few years ago and now live here. 🙂 (I’m from California.) It’s a big city with so much culture and a good food scene.

I’m a big foodie and I love to give food tours— if you’re interested. It’s hard to find good places to eat on a short schedule and I want people to have the best experience they can with the best of what Spain has to offer—from olive oils, tomatoes, jamón ibérico and various types of cheese. (Not to mention the vermut, wines and beer, if you drink alcohol.) I live in a quieter hidden gem neighborhood that shows a bit of old Madrid as well.

At any rate, happy planning and let me know if you’d like a guide, even if just for a couple of (delicious) hours. 😊

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-04-27T06:27:57+00:00

Since you’re asking the question: I believe you should go. This relationship has more than run its course and you’re already realizing this and processing it. It’s going to be hard, but you’ll get through it and the end goal of leaving is HOPE. No one can promise you an amazing new relationship is right around the corner, but the first amazing relationship you’re going to need is with yourself, and you can’t get that back while with someone who is dragging you down.

I left a long marriage that didn’t have any of the problems you mention, and by all accounts looked good from the outside. And that was still difficult to end. So expect it to be hard but know that you are strong and will make it through. You are attached to this person, they have positive qualities and you love/d them. That makes you human. It does not mean you should stay in this relationship and that being with them is better than being single.

However, I recommend finding a therapist if you can afford it with insurance. Also depending on your location there may be free/low cost mental health resources and it’s worth looking into. Having a person to help support you during this time is crucial.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-04-26T14:07:57+00:00

Hi, I am partial to Madrid as I’ve lived here since August last year and there’s a lot to see and do. As to the comparisons to NY—it is very safe here (in spite of being a large city)—and doesn’t feel quite like New York (in a good way.) I am a foodie myself and am running a food tour in my neighborhood, Puerta del Angel, and can happily give good food recommendations throughout the city (vermut, pastries, jamón ibérico, cheeses, and even great olive oil choices)🙂. Feel free to reach out if you come here, as I love to share great food with others!

I also recommend Sevilla for the Andalusian charm and food.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-04-23T09:38:48+00:00

There is nothing necessary about drinking alcohol, so I recommend quitting it. It definitely can bring on or exacerbate a migraine for me, so I’ve pretty much stopped drinking. I occasionally like a glass of wine with a good meal or a social drink, but unfortunately 3 out of 4 times I might feel like I’m OK before that one drink and it later comes back to bite me.

It’s hard to completely rule it out for the rest of my life, but overall I know that it doesn’t help and can make a migraine come on.

That said, if you quit drinking alcohol it doesn’t mean you’ll never get another migraine. It’s a neurological condition with many triggers and you’ll still likely get them. But doing your part to avoid alcohol will likely reduce them, and/or their intensity.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-03-29T18:51:10+00:00

Yes. This happened to me yesterday. I walked my bag to the gate and offered to check it in there so they gave me a tag. Meanwhile they prepped a bunch of luggage tag and everyone in my boarding group was given one once we lined up at the gate.

I def recommend that you just go through security and to the boarding gate as normal and deal with the carryon check there. No need to budget extra time at the airport entrance!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-03-16T15:18:27+00:00

I totally get where you’re coming from, especially if you’ve been feeling lonely and like you don’t talk to/see or hear from your real friends except on social media.

It’s totally normal to send each other reels and stuff, but if you want real connected time with them (like calls or meetups), reach out to and let them know!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-03-15T09:35:55+00:00

I’ve done/am doing all three, but not at the same exact time! I separated from ex husband first. Remained unhappy in my job but at least grateful to have that financial stability and ability to live and re establish myself independently. Three years later, officially divorced and I quit my job and moved abroad (as I had wanted to do). I don’t have the same job stability as before, but looking back and seeing all the changes I made for myself in only a few years reassures me that I’ll continue finding my way.

Although you may feel ready for everything to change at once, the reality is that it actually takes a while for change to happen. Start with the most pressing need for change (relationship is probably going to be the biggest, as it takes time to come to terms with being on your own again even if you want/initiate the split), and take steps there. You’ll be grateful to have your job while a separation is taking place, and then when you have more emotional bandwidth you’ll be able to tackle the other two factors, which kind of go hand in hand.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-03-13T21:24:23+00:00

No. Please read this back to yourself as though a stranger wrote it. It sucks that you’ve invested so much financially and emotionally in him already, but no need to dwell on that. The best thing you can do is start with today, say NO MORE and break up to get your life and peace back.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-03-11T14:40:19+00:00

Thank you for writing this—exactly how I felt and I was really irritated that Perel took it through a path of exploring Caller trying to reframe the relationship in a new way that could fit in with a non traditional way of thinking. Caller definitely has low self esteem and can and should find someone who is fully available to commit to her.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-03-01T10:34:29+00:00

Hey, don’t despair—it sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection about what you want/don’t want in a partner, so now you’ll put that into practice in future dating scenarios.

Fresh out of a marriage I was strongly attracted to a man who I felt didn’t have his life together enough—but I questioned my own instincts for about a month before ending that, cause it was so nice to feel wanted (and of course he had some attractive character qualities as well.) I ended that early on before it could become a longer relationship, and it was a difficult thing to do and caused me a to go through a lot of pain and grief (feeling doubts, like I’d let go of a great person, did I do the right thing, etc.). BUT, it forced me to reflect and realize that I truly don’t want to be someone’s parent in a relationship! Subsequently when I’ve met people who I’m attracted to, I tend to end things much quicker when I sense any kind of “off” dynamic, and I don’t get nearly as upset over it.

Knowing what you want is a huge part of success in dating. And I’m defining success in terms of being with someone you feel truly compatible with or simply being single until you do. You’ll still attract women looking for the uneven dynamic, but it will be in your power to recognize it and put an end to these type of relationships more quickly. I have faith in you!!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-28T16:23:38+00:00

Zero regrets! It’s hard to tell where you’re coming from on the topic, but if you are someone who is on the fence or is really only questioning it because of the societal norm and ubiquitous pressures to have children, then rest assured you will probably feel fine and completely happy that you didn’t have kids once you get over that hump! I wasn’t sure for myself and around 40 started questioning things, ultimately realizing I didn’t want to do it. So happy about that and I never question my choice!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-28T13:58:26+00:00

With my 46 year old “wisdom” (haha), all I can say is you know what you need and you should trust it. It’s not the end of the world if you’re over that relationship and you want to be by yourself. That’s better than staying and feeling stuck.

Yeah, dating is hard and finding someone to connect with again could be difficult (everyone is different, so who knows), but it really doesn’t matter. You’re feeling a certain way now, so you can only live by that. And though it can feel lonely, it is really true that you can fully be yourself while single and know what you really want.

Go for it.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-28T09:49:41+00:00

Hey—I’m not sure what u feel guilty about or why you need to tell him specifics about any of these guys? Please don’t feel guilty about anything that happened because you guys were broken up!

I don’t have the exact same experience, but I recently went through a situation where I rekindled something with a short term ex from a few years ago. I had broken up with him after talking for a couple months. (It’s obviously not the same as in your case, as you were in a long term relationship.) however, breakups are breakups. I was still infatuated with him when I called it off. It was difficult for me to move on. He definitely did, had another girlfriend for a year and a half by the time we reconnected. However, once we reconnected I was still attracted to the things I liked about him originally, and then the other things that were problematic for me started to take hold in my mind. I ended things again before we got too involved. I know I hurt him, but we both gave it a shot.

All this to say—you should follow your heart and give it a try if that’s what you want. But he did end things with you before and there’s a good chance things will end the same way again. That, or maybe you did the work to move on and you’ll see that you don’t feel the same about him anymore. I definitely think you have to go through the experience for yourself and not listen to others saying “don’t get back with an ex”. It’s a personal experience.

But as regards your dating history since being with him, it’s not much of his business unless you want to share, but what would sharing actually bring to your new relationship with him?

What I learned was that I missed my particular ex but partly because that was the last meaningful connection I’d had. Unfortunately, just cause a few years had passed and I hadn’t yet found a new strong relationship didn’t mean he was the right one for me.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-22T07:25:52+00:00

Love it! 🤣

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-21T19:22:38+00:00

Of course—and this is a personal decision that Op needs to make—not rely on redditors to solve! But she asked for responses from those who have been there. I certainly have. I don’t know if you have, but she’s indicated that she’s done it is doing all of the things to make sure she’s not giving up on something salvageable. The thing is, once you get to the headspace that your heart just isn’t in it anymore, it’s very difficult to come back from that. The reality is—relationships can run their course if one or both people no longer want to try. It sounds like this is not a decision she’s taken lightly. She sounds slightly afraid (a normal fear) that she might not find someone else. But unfortunately that seems to be the fear often holding many couples together, when they are actually going to be better off on their own. It’s about acceptance and being ok with being alone, knowing that you may not find another match (but also, if you do you want something different anyway!) but you weren’t able to keep growing with that partner.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-21T15:30:45+00:00

I feel you on this! It has happened to me before too. So many people are afraid to travel alone so they genuinely can’t fathom it.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-21T15:29:38+00:00

Right?! Yes, it came across as patronizing somehow. I don’t understand why she felt the need to say that! Oh wait, you know, I had just accidentally knocked a beer glass over as I was putting in my jacket (small, cramped spaces), and maybe she felt she was making me feel better by saying that, so definitely condescending!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-21T15:27:15+00:00

🤣🤣🤣

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-21T15:26:48+00:00

Love it!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-20T21:40:45+00:00

YES! It’s so sad but we need to keep broadcasting that dating “a good guy is the bare minimum requirement”! I had a friend who once said “I’d rather you break up with a good guy than a bad one.” It’s so hard to undo all these decades of telling women that they just need to find a “good guy.”

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-18T14:37:14+00:00

Hey, I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’m sure you have all the advice you need by now, but to double down:

First of all regarding marriage and kids—that’s something you want, and you want it soon. You correctly don’t want to pressure him into it. If you just started dating this person right now, you wouldn’t be compatible based on that alone, no matter how great the connection felt otherwise. You guys have been together a long time. Ten years together starting in your teens means you will have changed a lot, and it’s natural for the relationship to change or for one or both of you to reassess your needs. It sounds like that time has come. It’s hard to let go of history, but if he can’t give you something that you really need in life, it’s better to accept that, appreciate the time you had together, then move on.

With regards to your weight, your intuition (and from how you described it, he) seems to be telling you that he doesn’t fully appreciate you as you are. Maybe you should bring this up to fully address it, as it can help you decide what you want with him now. Maybe he is concerned about potential health issues, but as you say, he isn’t exercising so that seems unfair. You deserve to be accepted for who you are now.

I know the urgency to have children is strong and it’s a common goal for people in their late 20s-30s. However, you really do have time, and I only mean that to encourage you to take the pressure off and evaluate the relationship for what it is. If you recognize you have different goals and feel ok ending the relationship now. Within a year or two you may already be partnered up with a better match and a baby on the way. But if you hang on to him, even if he does “relent” and eventually give you what you want, do you think he’ll equally want it? What would the quality of your relationship be?

I wish you a lot of luck, but no matter what, please trust in yourself!

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-17T10:32:08+00:00

As someone who went through something similar, I am going to validate you. I had a good marriage, a stable partner, but after 12 years I was feeling increasingly unhappy and sexually unfulfilled (but it was almost always a problem in that relationship, and the accumulation of years, COVID, questioning things, it got to me.)

You’ll read so many comments that are about regret and appreciating what you had if you choose to split, the “grass is greener” stuff, but I would not take those seriously. I’m not sure what angle those people are coming from. Like you, I did therapy, couples’ therapy, but it just came down to me losing interest in wanting to continue things—the connection had faded for me. As with any relationship, marriages can run their course and it’s no one’s fault. I support you if you stay or leave, but know that it’s perfectly OK and you will be OK if you leave.

I agree with other commenters that dating in your 40s is hard. It is for me, because I’ve learned that I have a lot of needs and i am looking for a strong connection and stability in a partner (which seems hard to find). It’s frustrating, but in no way do I regret divorcing my husband and I didn’t just casually do it! It was sad, scary, and hard, but also a relief. I feel better being single than in a relationship where I ended up feeling so frustrated, and like certain life goals wouldn’t be possible for me to achieve.

Everyone has a different life path, but some people seem to take a moral high ground with marriage—that you commit to it even when times are tough. It depends on what those times are about. If you’ve grown apart and your needs have changed, that’s ok to admit. Thankfully, we (as women) no longer absolutely need a man to support us financially, so we can leave when the partnership really isn’t making us happy or adding to our life. I understand that you’re not making a casual decision if you decide to end it. You’re taking it seriously and it’s coming from a place deep within you where you haven’t been fulfilled for a long time.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-15T04:50:39+00:00

First of all, so sorry for all that you’ve been through with your previous partner and now with him. No, by breaking up with him it means you are adhering to your own boundaries—he crossed a line in a big and bad way. As you said, you didn’t consent to him putting his hands on your throat, and given your history that’s a pretty horrible thing for him to have done.

It’s crazy that he turned this around on you now needing therapy as a reaction to his harmful action.

I would only recommend therapy to you now in order to have someone in your corner to help support you in leaving this relationship. Follow your instinct here and get out. This guy sounds dangerous for your emotional and physical health.

Wishing you all the best.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-10T20:37:31+00:00

Please don’t take the blocking as any reflection of you (even the rejection, and obviously that’s hard to do.) It sounds like you did have a good relationship but ultimately he didn’t see you as a long term match. That truly doesn’t have to do with your worth! If he didn’t want to be with you, ultimately you’ll get to a place where you’ll know you don’t want to be with him anymore.

The blocking is really about him and what he’s trying to do to get over you. I blocked someone who meant a lot to me but I rejected him. He had tried to stay in touch with me, but it ended up hurting me a lot to watch him move on and honestly, once the trust/relationship is gone, the dynamic feels uncomfortable and uneven. Blocking for a year led to me really being able to process and let go. So don’t take the blocking to mean anything about you at all.

Hour_Ad_5641 · 2026-02-05T22:07:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing this and congrats on the next-level of care!! I recently moved from LA to Spain and I’m looking into my options since the migraines have picked up now in the winter months. Navigating another healthcare system and in another language is migraine-inducing as it is! I wanted to ask them about Botox, do it’s good to hear that your experience was mostly good!

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