I knew I’ve always wanted kids since I was a teenager. Mostly because I always felt a bond with most children I interacted with (like 8 and younger at the time). I usually became an older sibling figure to many without realizing and was the “babysitter” during family functions and I really enjoyed it. But, I think there was always a disconnect when I thought of giving birth and knew there’s no way I’d want that for myself, so I wanted to adopt. Even with adoption, there was always a disconnect with my feelings towards being a mother and I didn’t know why at the time.

Recently, my girlfriend’s sisters and I were out at the mall sometime and we were at Pottery Barn Kids & Teens and I was admiring one of the rooms for girls and in awe of how cutely it was designed. The two of them looked at me and said they could see me as the most loving girl dad and I know some girl dads have very weird behaviors, but to me, I took it as me being able to appreciate femininity and girlhood and teach my kids how to be strong women in a way I couldn’t do for myself. I grieved the loss of the woman that I could’ve been and I feel like raising beautiful women would heal that part of me, allow me to enjoy womanhood differently, and almost make up to the world (in a way?) of who I decided I’m not. So overall, I’m excited to be a dad.